Belated Blogoversary: Let the yawning begin

• The Blogoversary for speaking in CAPS was a week ago.
  
  I'd like to be able to tell you that I was prevented from actually posting to my blog due to the mind-numbing debauchery in which I was engaged to celebrate that auspicious occasion. But I'd be lying to you. I spent the time either watching TV or sleeping. 'Cause that's the way I roll.

• Those of you who have been following my blog for a while (which seems to mainly involve waiting for me to actually post something) know that I've harbored the desire to acquire a newer, nicer television for quite some time. It arrived two weeks ago in a really big box.

• It is an LG 55LH90 55-Inch HDTV that is both large and beautiful. Although I made the purchase through Amazon, the actual seller was OneCall. The company's Director of Business Development, Larry F., contacted me directly following the order to let me know that the fantasticly low price I had obtained on the TV was due to an error - but they were going to honor the price...because no one else on the planet had purchased the television during the few fleeting moments that the erroneous price was posted. I have not yet had the opportunity to watch an entire movie on my new TV - but I am looking forward to receiving my first couple of blu-ray discs from Netflix for viewing this weekend. There'll be more about the TV later - it's sure to be the focus of a majority of my free time for the next few months.

• At the beginning of this hockey season, I made a bet with my friend, The Phantom, that the Detroit Red Wings would go farther in this year's Stanley Cup Playoffs than the Chicago Blackhawks. I entered into this arrangement before the Wings entered into the long, dark abyss of player injuries that became the hallmark of their 2009-2010 regular season. But in the last couple days, the team's strong play following the Olympics paid dividends - and the team has made the playoffs for the 19th consecutive year, the longest streak in professional sports. Despite the rough year, no other hockey team is relishing the idea of being matched with the Wings in the first round of the playoffs. Right now, that opponent would be...the Vancouver Canucks. Looks like Captain Dumbass and me may be on another collision course this year.

• I love my children but...
  
  I feel that it is extremely important that your grown children (mine are 20 and 18) live with you long enough to reveal, in stark detail, every one of your parenting failures; not just once - but repeatedly. This is necessary to ensure that, when they do leave home, you will not be seized with any maudlin nostalgia or regrets, but instead a wave of relief will pass over you as you consider that you will no longer have to be reminded that: your children don't remember when to flush the toilet; that they often finish the last bit of (cereal, cookies, pop tart, etc) and fail to throw away the empty box or container; that their idea of a well-balanced meal is a large saucepan filled to overflowing with macaroni and cheese or buttered pasta.
  
  When they leave the house, you are at peace. And the rest of the world will need to deal with these issues.

• At the end of this month, the Middle-Aged Woman and I are going to Vero Beach, Florida for a week. And a couple of my high school buddies have convinced me to make my first ever trip to Vegas at the beginning of June. I'm going to be the Traveling Man this year.
  
  Let's hope I don't forget how to post to my blog.
  
  Year Two has begun.

Take care.

RTT: Limping towards Blogoversary

• As of next week, I will have been doing this for a year. And when I say "doing this", I mean "having a blog" rather than "writing a blog"- cause my track record on the latter has been pretty weak since October*.



• My dad has lung cancer. (If you read the Middle-Aged Woman, you probably know that already.) To be more precise (or maybe the word is "optimistic"), my dad HAD lung cancer - but the surgeons removed it - along with half of his left lung and some lymph nodes. (Hopefully Dad will cut me some slack on this egregious HIPAA violation...) He was released from the hospital yesterday - the fifth day following surgery! That was good news - but rather a surprise, since he thought he would be in the hospital for a week to ten days. I am expecting to visit him in Dayton again this coming weekend - if the Lord's willing and the creek don't rise.



• I had every intention of completing my mini-reviews of the last three films viewed as part of The Plan (The Blind Side, Avatar, and The Last Station - which were all good, by the way) but as more time has passed since the Oscar telecast, I wonder if anyone is still interested. I may do it for my own strange reasons, of course - but my motivation has not been good lately.



• I bought a large TV last week. (If you read the MAW, you know that already too.) I really do owe debt of gratitude to Larry at OneCall for his consideration regarding the purchase. Amazon advertised an incorrect price for the TV - and I was the only person on the planet to place an order for that item during the few minutes that the erroneous pricing was in place. Larry and OneCall could have decided to nix the sale - but they decided to honor the advertised price despite the error. Once I take delivery on the set, I plan to do a more lengthy writeup on both the TV and OneCall to point out the excellent service they provided me - despite selling the TV at a loss.



• As a result of buying the new TV and a Blu-Ray player to go with it, I'm planning to give my Roku player to my dad so he can stream Netflix movies and my Major League Baseball subscription to his TV. My Blu-Ray is able to stream Netflix, so I shouldn't need the Roku anymore.



• I was the master of ceremonies at a fund-raiser on Sunday for the Joy-Southfield Community Development Corporation, an organization spearheaded by my church (Second Grace United Methodist) not quite 10 years ago. One of the major initiatives of the JSCDC was establishment of a free health clinic that was originally housed in our church and later moved to a new building constructed across the street. It was a wonderful occasion - and appropriate that our event should take place that Congress finally enacted comprehensive health care legislation. Plus I bought a nice bracelet for my wife at the silent auction.



• Did I mention that my TV is currently in Fridley, Minnesota?

Take care.


PS: Go visit Keely at the Un-Mom willya?!



Please? Come on - do it for me. Do it for Keely!

* I should probably go all the way back to August. But I did hit (low) double-digits for my posts in October.

RTT: Lies, all lies...

• Yesterday, I claimed that I would be posting a review of The Hurt Locker today. But that was clearly b*llsh*t - 'cause you can look as hard as you want and you won't find any review of that film here today.



• I'm beginning to realize that, whenever I think that I'm getting caught up with all the things I need to do, it's just because I've conveniently forgotten a bunch of stuff.



• I really did intend to write a review of The Hurt Locker for today. I don't want you to think that I planned all along to disappoint you. I had good intentions.



• I gave blood this morning. I have O Negative blood (anyone can use it) so I'm very popular with the Red Cross (and bleeding people everywhere). I was once told that my blood is so "clean" (free from contaminants / antibodies that wouldn't be harmful to adults - but would cause problems for children) it can be given to infants.



• I promise that I'm going to write a review of The Hurt Locker very soon - maybe even tonight.



• I had planned to write a blog post last night - but I'm on-call this week. So I spent nearly two hours on the phone trying to help someone with remote access to our company network after they went out and purchased a new laptop with Windows 7 that wasn't being cooperative.



• Did I mention that I have really good veins? For giving blood, I mean. All the Red Cross workers compliment me on my veins.



• Look - I'm sorry about The Hurt Locker review thing, alright?! Give me a break!



• The MAW told me last night she has a job interview of Friday (this was quite unexpected). I'm probably not supposed to mention anything about it here - because she may be writing about all that on her blog soon. But I guess it's too late 'cause I already mentioned it.



• I don't have a job interview this week.



• But I am planning to write a review of The Hurt Locker. In case that is of interest to you.

Take care.


PS: Go visit Keely at the Un-Mom willya?!



Please? Come on - do it for me. Do it for Keely!

RTT: "Back from the Dead" Edition

• Waiting a month and a half between posts really provides a lot of material. I should have enough stuff saved up to post every day for...a month and a half (I guess). Don't hold your breath on that one.

• The last of our six performances of The Odd Couple took place Sunday afternoon. It was great fun and I will miss the opportunity to perform with and for friends. The cast party at our house following the show was cool too. I wish you coulda been there.

• The MAW gave me a birthday/anniversary present on Jan. 21. She found a source who provided a 5-DVD set of the short-lived TV series, Frank's Place. My favorite episode was a 22-minute reimagining of Death of A Salesman. I have a special prize for anyone who remembers the month/day of my birth and my marriage (the usual disclaimers for family members, etc. apply to this contest).



• Almost exactly one month before opening night of The Odd Couple, I was diagnosed with bronchitis. "No sweat", thought I. "I've got a month to kick this thing." Two 10-day courses of antibiotics later, I had kicked it. Then, less than five days before opening night, I got the stomach flu. Because being the lead in a play isn't exciting enough all on its own.



• I resigned as President of the Motor City Youth Theatre Board recently. It really makes the MAW happy when I quit stuff. She would have me believe that my doing less would result in more sex - but I don't think she can back up that claim. ("Back up" that claim - did I really write that?!)



• I wish you could have seen what fantastic work the MAW did with props and set dressing for The Odd Couple. In fact, I will make sure that you do see it - once I get a hold of some of the pictures from the show (there are literally hundreds on Shutterfly). The stamina and tenacity she exhibited made me proud.



• I saw the film, Up In The Air, twice in January. I'm rooting for it to win the Best Picture Oscar this year.



• The role of Oscar Madison has 456 lines in The Odd Couple (lines could be anything from a couple of words to a paragraph long monologue). The play has three acts (although we performed it as two) and lasts about two hours. Oscar is on-stage for all but about 5 minutes of that time. I'd rather play Oscar Madison again than Hamlet (wait - I've never played Hamlet; I'd still rather play Oscar again).



• I enjoy being busy - but the thought occurred to me tonight (for the first time ever) that part of my desire to be busy is so I don't have to think about the things in my life over which I have no control. And having both an acute and (I believe) realistic view of the things over which I have no control doesn't make things any easier.
  
  It's not much of a post - but hopefully it'll do until something better comes along.

Take care.


PS: Go visit Keely at the Un-Mom willya?!



Tell her you were honoring the request of Jim Styro - actor, eater, blogger.

RTT: Blogus Interruptus

• Work is really starting to get in the way of my blogging. I have some of my best ideas in the morning, when I've got to prepare myself for gainful employment. Do you realize how difficult it is to type and brush your teeth at the same time? I've thought about using my little digital voice recorder in the car on my way to the office - but it just seems like an unhealthy amount of distraction while operating heavy machinery.


• Sleep is really starting to get in the way of my blogging. Oh how well I remember those golden days when I would stay up until 1 or 2 (or later) in the morning finishing off a post. With the sun going down so early, it's getting harder and harder to convince my body that 10:30 pm isn't way past my bedtime. And I must confess - I do love to sleep. After sex and eating (they constantly vie for supremacy), sleep is about my favorite thing.


• Theater is really starting to get in the way of my blogging. I might have been able to hack preparing for just one play - but when the Middle-Aged Woman decided she wanted to participate in the Christmas play, my priorities got thrown out of whack. I thought it would be nice to do some theater together for once. But having rehearsal two days a week really starts to eat away at your leisure time.


• Reading is really starting to get in the way of my blogging. After getting through a torrid run of He Read/She Read posts in late October & early November, I had to take a reading break to make sure I could devote attention to memorizing my lines for The Odd Couple. But in the last couple weeks, I polished off Cormac McCarthy's The Road and started Jasper Fforde's The Eyre Affair. All this, when I'm really supposed to be reading Neil Gaiman's Good Omens. I promise I'll try to acquire the book this week, Amy - I swear!


• 30Rock is really starting to get in the way of my blogging. Not that I'm planning my week around a TV show. Nosiree, it's far more serious than that. With my Roku player's ability to stream films and TV shows from my Netflix account, I can watch the entire first three seasons of 30Rock whenever I want. Of course, that has too frequently been in groups of 4 or 6 or 10 episodes at a time. For those of you who have (like me, until recently) never checked this show out - you owe yourself the chuckles. Just keep in mind that I take no responsibility for any addictive behaviors that may result from following this suggestion. But all the cool kids are doing it.


• The holidays are really starting to get in the way of my blogging. Who wants to spend a lot of time writing when there is pie to be eaten?


• Life is really starting to get in the way of my blogging. But I noticed that my number of followers has actually increased over the last couple weeks when I have posted ABSOLUTELY NOTHING - so maybe my whole concept of what attracts people to this blog is wrong.
  
  I guess, in my little "Field of Dreams", if you ignore them, they will come.

Take care.


PS: Go visit Keely at the Un-Mom willya?!



Don't make me tell you again!

RTT: She got me the "Fatty" pants

- My lovely wife (the Middle-Aged Woman) has a pretty open schedule lately, so she took pity on me and went shopping. For me. You see, all but one of the 4 pairs of pants that I wear to work had...problems. The ravages of age and excessive wear had taken their toll, so she went in search of a bargain on some new pants for me (this being an unbudgeted expense and all). And she was wildly successful! I think she found 4 pairs for about $80.

There was just one catch: two of them were "Fatty" pants.

You know, the kind where the waistband of the pants has some "give" to it. But these two pair don't just have an "elas-ticky" waistband - there seem to be different panels of fabric at the waist that will adjust based on just how fat you happen to be. These are pants that will make getting fat easier - by quickly adjusting to any new girth, so there is no warning sign of your trousers getting snug. (The b*stards!) What will these fiends think of next?!

- Little chocolate donuts are just delicious. I think a new food group should be created just for them. I would call it the "So d@mn delicious if you eat the last one I'll kick your @$" food group.

- Do you think I should be concerned that wife is reading a book titled "Marrying George Clooney"?

- I don't know why, but sometime in the last couple weeks, the MAW stopped putting my sandwiches into plastic sandwich bags and started wrapping them in waxed paper. I wonder if she's taken a principled stand against sandwich bags. If so, I probably need to tell her that the wax paper seems to create a larger amount of waste than the sandwich bags.

- Maybe my sandwiches are just too big to fit in the bags. Maybe she thinks I'm eating too much.

- Maybe the whole "Fatty" pants thing is supposed to send me a message: "Hey, Fatso!! Why don't you just stop scarfing down all the little chocolate donuts!!!"

- Do you ever just scare yourself sometimes. Happened to me.

- Just now.

- I have a $200 cell phone bill this month. Why is my cell phone bill $200 this month?

- Do you think these pants make me look...insane?

Take care.


PS: Did I mention that you are supposed to visit Keely at the Un-Mom immediately.



If not sooner.

PPS: Don't forget to visit He Read/She Read tomorrow and check out the reviews of Yann Martel's Life of Pi by the delightful Pamela (from the dayton time) and Yours Truly (from right herely) . You won't want to miss that!

RTT: ...all sorts of ideas about religion and pinup girls

- Saturday night, my lovely wife (the Middle-Aged Woman) and I, The Girl and her Fi-ance, and The Boy, went out to the International House of Pancakes for Ms. Partly Cloudy's 20th Birthday dinner. (Hey, I'm not cheap! IHOP was her choice.) In the midst of our dinner conversation, it was revealed that, as a child, the Fi-ance had mistaken some of the lyrics to the old children's song, Kookaburra - and granted Christ-figure status to the bird. See for yourself:

Kookaburra sits on the old gum tree
Merry merry king of the bush is he
Laugh Kookaburra, laugh Kookaburra
Gave your life for me

It took a long time for the MAW to stop giggling about that one. I, for one, respect a young man who's willing to make this sort of (hilarious) admission in front of his likely future parents-in-law.

- My uncle and I got on the road early Sunday morning and drove 200 miles to visit my Grandma (his mother) for the day. While we were there, the extremely nice neighbor-lady that looks after my Grandma gave me this:

That's right, folks! At the age of 98, my grandmother has become...A PINUP GIRL.

And if the pinup weren't enough, she has also brazenly appeared in a brochure promoting charitable giving for the United Way.


During our visit, I was able to convince the Pinup Girl to go out for lunch (quite an unexpected development - my Grandma has been extremely reticent about eating in public since she had a stroke several years ago) - and it was no surprise that the restaurant quickly filled up with other patrons. The casual observer might have thought it was just the usual influx of business after Sunday church services. But I know better. Though the hordes were clearly being attracted like moths to the Pinup Girl's flame, thankfully, they were all well-mannered enough not to bother her with autograph requests during our meal.

- Yesterday, the MAW posted about some people of an unusually zealous religious persuasion* who apparently burn different translations of the Bible which they believe do not represent the true Word of God. The MAW referred to these as "the WRONG VERSIONS of the bible." I found this "wrong versions" idea so striking, that I began to imagine God herself doing a commercial for "the RIGHT VERSION" of the Bible...

Hi, I'm God.

You know - Jehovah, I-Am-Who-Am. Allah, The Creator, The Big Guy Upstairs...

Well, whatever name you call me, I've got the whole world in my hands. And let me tell you - sometimes I look down at what I've got in my hands and it can be mighty disappointing. People say I don't exist -or that, even if I do, I don't care about what's going on down there. But the truth is: it's not easy to watch the stuff you created get trashed every day. Or hear people misquoting, misinterpreting or downright lying about you. And sometimes the biggest lies come from the ones who make the grandest claims to be representing your interests!

But I've come up with something I hope will clear up all the confusion.

I call it: God's RIGHT VERSION of the Bible. Some of you who are big fans of your current version of the Bible may be a little disappointed in the brevity of this new version - and I admit, it does leave out a lot of the beauty and majesty of the original. But what it lacks in pomp and pageantry, I think it makes up for in clarity and readability.

For those of you who'd like to sneak a peek at the new and improved
God's RIGHT VERSION of the Bible, you should check out any of the following passages in your current Bible:
Matthew 22:37-40; Mark 12:29-31; Luke 10:27; or John 13:34.

So look for God's RIGHT VERSION - and accept no substitutes.
Remember: I've got my eye on you.

- DON'T FORGET: Captain Dumbass and the Middle-Aged Woman review Pride and Prejudice and Zombies at He Read/She Read tomorrow. So get in the Halloween spirit and go there without fail. If you don't...well, have you ever seen the damage a p*ssed-off zombie can do?

Take care.


PS: Did I mention that you are supposed to visit Keely at the Un-Mom immediately.



If not sooner.


*I try to avoid referring to people with whom I disagree as crazy-@$$ MoFos - no matter how crazy they seem to be

RTT: Quick and dirty

- DON'T FORGET: You can read all about The Powwow Highway at He Read/She Read tomorrow. You must go there without fail. Send all your friends, your enemies and your casual acquaintances.

- The female breast is a near-perfect creation. I can't think of anything bad to say about them.

- I finished reading "Life of Pi" yesterday. For all you Twin Peaks fans out there: "The owls are not what they seem."

- I would rather have sex than eat. Of course, I'm not hungry right now.

- Did I mention how great I think breasts are?

Take care.


PS: Did I mention that you are supposed to visit Keely at the Un-Mom immediately.

If not sooner.

RTT: "Oh what a tangled web we weave..."

When first we write so randomly.*
Or something.

- I don't get why I'm having what amounts to a writer's block whenever I sit down to write a post here lately. I don't seem to have any problem writing in general - I just seem to have a problem writing what's on my mind.

- Maybe it's time for me to work on that post idea I've had lying around for awhile - tentatively titled "The limitations of transparency" - about the decisions we all make concerning how much we want to reveal of ourselves. Not just on blogs, in life! And do the boundaries we establish make us dishonest in our dealings with other people? When does choosing not reveal something about yourself become dishonesty? (I get a few more good ideas together on that one and I'll have a new "Meaning Of Life" post...)

- This weekend, I edited down about the first half-hour of what I expect to be a great new instructional video on Chi Sao demonstrated by my good friend and teacher, Sibok Rocco Ambrose. If you live in the metropolitan Detroit area and are interested in the finest training in self-defense and martial arts around, for yourself or your children, you need to check out Ambrose Academy.

- Later this month, The Girl and The Boy will celebrate their 20th and 18th birthdays, respectively. Good God, I am old.

- So Pamela (from the dayton time) emails me today. She started reading Life of Pi on Friday - and finished the d*mn book in a day. Who the h*ll has time to read a whole 400-page book in ONE DAY? Doesn't she realize the kind of pressure that puts on me?!?!
(Pamela, it's just a joke, sweetie. I don't want to cause trouble again just because I don't know how to write stuff so that it's funny...)

- I don't feel old.

- Did I mention that it's really cool when your kids get older and they're not home all the time and you don't have to wait until they're asleep to have sex?

- I'm not advocating that anyone has to wait until their kids are asleep to have sex (but that is pretty much how the Middle-Aged Woman rolls, if you know what mean). But when one of the parties whose cooperation is essential in these pursuits generally has difficulty staying up much beyond 9 pm... I'm just sayin' - absence makes the heart grow fonder.

- Other things may grow as well.

- Have you ever noticed how underused the word "engorged" is?

- Since becoming a freelance writer, the Middle-Aged Woman has been making a lunch for me to take to work every day and preparing many fine evening meals. Tonight, she had a little mishap with some pork chops (I'm not a big pork chop fan anyway - she likes them though) - and so I had to leap into the breach and salvage dinner tonight. And, though I don't like to brag, I think it's fair to say - that I buy make a mean Crispy Strip**.

Bon appétit!

Take care.


PS: Did I mention that you are supposed to visit Keely at the Un-Mom immediately.

If not sooner.


* Apologies to Sir Walter Scott.
** "Crispy Strip" is a registered trademark of Kentucky Fried Chicken.

RTT: The "Not Dead Yet" Edition

So, two weeks ago (you remember - the last time I posted) work really s*cked.

Then last week, work didn't s*ck quite as bad - but it was still pretty bad. I found out the previous Friday that I needed to be in New York on Monday morning. Don't get me wrong - I don't mind traveling and I like Manhattan. But I always end up working long hours and don't get to enjoy the trip; this trip was no exception*. And, to close out the week right, I worked a couple extra hours Friday evening and didn't leave the office until 7:30 at night.

I'm hoping that work s*cks even less this week. Hope springs eternal.

Being called out of town last week resulted in my missing the first "Odd Couple" read-through. Although not the end of the world, it was rather awkward to be cast in a lead role one week - and the following week have to make excuses why I would miss the first rehearsal. Last night, I attended my first rehearsal and had fun, though. But, man-o-man! - I've got a lot of memorizing to do!!

Yesterday was the three-week anniversary of my wisdom teeth removal. And I can't wait till the "traumatized" areas of my mouth stop being so sensitive to hot and cold items placed therein. My teeth have never before been sensitive to temperature - and I can't wait for them to regain their brute indifference. That is going to happen - right, Leslie?

I finished a couple of books since my last post. First was The Powwow Highway (in preparation for a He Read/She Read post - unless Rebekah has dumped me) and, more recently, I completed (at long last) Vincent Bugliosi's massive work (1500+ pages) on the assassination of President John F. Kennedy called Reclaiming History. It took me months to finally reach the finish line of Bugliosi's magnum opus**, not because the book is poorly written or boring - but because the factual information regarding the assassination and, in particular, debunking of many conspiracy myths that have cropped up over the years (including a complete demolition of the Oliver Stone film, JFK) are covered in such great detail and with great authority. If you are like I was - having never read a book on the Kennedy assassination - or believing in a vague way (without knowing quite why) that there must have been a shadowy conspiracy behind Kennedy's death - you owe it to yourself to read at least part of Reclaiming History.

I'm getting sleepy now, so I'd better get this baby posted before I run out of steam. With any luck, I'll spend less time working and more time writing this week.

Hey! Stop laughing at me like that. It's impolite to ridicule the deluded.

Take care.

PS: If you need more randomness in your life (and who doesn't?), I would be remiss not to strongly urge you to visit Keely at the Un-Mom immediately. If not sooner.

* Get this: I took my little voice recorder and microphone with me to NYC thinking I might...{giggle} do a post or two in my...{guffaw} spare time. I wasn't kidding about the whole "deluded" thing.

** I apologize for mispronouncing Mr. Bu-li-o-si's name twice. I never realized the "G" was silent.

RTT: "I'd like to say 'Thank you' on behalf of the group..."

and I hope I passed the audition.

So let me try to get you a little caught up here:

A couple weeks ago, my wife (the Middle-Aged Woman) quit her job...rather precipitously. She notified me with an email. (No sh*t - I'm not making that up.)

Last week, I had some wisdom teeth out. I had that done in-person.

Over the weekend, a good friend of mine let me know that he was going through such marital turmoil that he was expecting separation and divorce from his wife. He dropped this bomb - in an email. (Are you sensing a trend here?)*

This morning, they announced that the company I work for was entering into an agreement to be acquired by another company for almost 4 billion dollars. No warning - we came into work this morning and read an email with the announcement.

All in all - it's been a slow news month.

In other headlines, I got the stitches out of my mouth today - and auditioned for a part in The Odd Couple**. These events are not related (in any way that I'm conscious of) - but they did both happen today - and so are fair game to be mentioned in the same sentence. My good friend, Roger, was there - and I am hopeful that we will be asked to play the leads (Roger as Felix Ungar and me as Oscar Madison***). The auditions were both enjoyable and brief, so I will probably try to go back tomorrow for Day Two, in case they need an extra person to read lines and help out.

OK - what else, what else...?

I finally watched some new movies in the last couple weeks. I saw Appaloosa with Ed Harris and Viggo Mortensen (I recommend it) and also W. (the Oliver Stone bio with Josh Brolin, Richard Dreyfuss and a great cast overall) - but I can't really recommend the film. It's hard for me to feel the same about Stone knowing how he scr*wed reality over so badly in JFK.

I also watched Good Night, and Good Luck again on my Roku player (the George Clooney film in which he appears as Fred Friendly [who later became the president of CBS News] with David Strathairn as Edward R. Murrow) - it is an excellent film which I recommend highly****. The music in the movie, performed by Dianne Reeves, is also awesome. And I also streamed from Netflix to my Roku, the first 8 or 9 episodes of Lost, Season 3. I do like that show; I don't always know where they're going (I'm not sure the creators did in Season 3 either) - but I like how the episodes work emotionally.

Last night, the MAW and I worked out a budget that should allow her to stay home and work as a freelance writer for as long as she desires. The process seemed like it was going to be tortuous at first - but once we got to just crunching numbers, it seemed to go better. I would hate to think that we might upset Ms. Partly Cloudy***** again by having a disagreement. The very thought...

OK, I've probably p*ssed off enough people with my (pretty tame, really) snark in this here post.
I'd better git - while the gittin's good.

Take care.

PS: If you need more randomness in your life (and who doesn't?), I would be remiss not to strongly urge you to visit Keely at the Un-Mom immediately. If not sooner.

PPS: Why don't my Box.net widget or my YouTube videos work anymore? Have I been bad again? You can get the audio for today's post HERE.

* We got a chance to talk at length over the weekend and - well, who knows what'll happen! But at least I gave him a couple new things to thing about before walking away from twelve years of marriage.

** The MAW auditioned as well; but since she has her own blog - and I've signed a rather strict NDA - you'll have to read Unmitigated to see if there is a further disclosure on that event.

*** Felix was played by Jack Lemmon in the film, Tony Randall on TV. Oscar was played by Walter Matthau (stage & movie) and Jack Klugman (stage & TV).

**** It probably should have won Best Picture in 2006. In my opinion, it was considerably better than Crash.

***** I would give you a link to her blog - but she hasn't posted since March.

Eternally Random

- Why does the afternoon weather guy on our local news radio station refer to himself as a "meaty urologist"?

- My wife, The Middle-Aged Woman , quit her job recently. Being bound by a rather strict NDA, I can only say that I was informed of this development via email.

- I can't be too random next Tuesday because the next installment of He Read/She Read is planned to be unleashed upon an unsuspecting world that day. Or, perhaps I should say, the world would have been unsuspecting - until just now. Actually, most of the world is STILL unsuspecting, so I hope that you will do everything in your power to make people suspicious.


- I hardly read the comics anymore, now that home delivery of the newspaper is only available three days a week.

- I haven't watched a movie at home in weeks. It seems unthinkable - but maybe I need to cancel my Netflix subscription.

- You know how the general populace views used car salesmen? That's how anyone managing a computer network spanning multiple states (like me, for example) views telecommunications vendors.

- I'm planning to be in The Odd Couple at Motor City Youth Theater*. Auditions are scheduled for Sept. 21 - 22. We're mostly looking for middle-aged men who can memorize dialogue and pretend to play cards. If you are the first thing and you can do those other two things, there really isn't that much acting required.

- I'm really looking forward to when I can stay up too late writing a blog post again. Writing a lunch still s*cks.

Take care.


* Contact me if you need details. There's nothing about the auditions at the MCYT website.

The Random Bucket

- Why is it that donuts are never referred to as "Nature's Perfect Food"?

- Last week (it seems like last year) I started a post with a song lyric from R.E.M. that may have left people wondering about me. I would like to state, for the record, that I do love Jesus - and that is not "a hollow claim".

- If I hit it big in the Mega Millions drawing tonight I'm committed to paying off Captain Dumbass' mortgage. You can check out Us and Them for more information - and to see the carnage left behind by the hostile takeover attempt staged by the Middle-Aged Woman and Ms. Partly Cloudy there today. Would you believe it if I told you that I am not related to these women in any way at all?

- Trying to do a blog entry while you're eating lunch at work kinda s*cks.

- I want to write a blog post about being misunderstood. But last night I had to write up four important emails (i.e. not just forwarding some joke to everybody I knew) and do a script rewrite for a video I'm supposed to shoot Sunday afternoon. And then it was 2 AM.

- Can you say "over committed"? I thought you could.

- But I had a nice time in Petoskey this weekend. And I plan on having a nice time in Greenbush over Labor Day weekend.

- Especially if the Mega Millions thing comes through.

- Did somebody mention donuts?

- Lunch time is over. But randomness? Who can say?

Take care.

The Lazy Man's Guide to (Almost) Everything

Say - do you ever read my wife's blog?

Did you ever think to yourself, "I really need a Ulysses S. Grant doll!"?*

Did you ever think to yourself, "Who the hell is Ulysses S. Grant ?"

If the answer to any of these questions is "Yes", then today's post may be of interest to you (clicking on the links above will make things clearer).

If not, I apologize.

Take care.

* The tale really starts here

I owe a cock to Ascelpius

Yeah - I'm talkin' to you, Crito!

OK, so I realized that there was no way in Hades that I was going to be able to prepare a post after getting home from the Harry Potter flick tonight. So I'm taking a few minutes (when I should be taking a cat nap) to write out these few measly lines.

So how about these for contradictions:

- I love sleep. I think it is important - and entirely undervalued in contemporary American culture. I regularly harp on my (nearly) adult children to get to bed and a decent hour.

AND...I'm going to the midnight show of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince tonight and don't expect to get home until close to 3 AM. If I wasn't doing that, I'd probably be up until 1 AM writing a blog post (better than this one).

- I'm nearly always busy. There is rarely a night that I come home from work and vegetate in front of the TV. I'm either attending a martial arts class, a choir practice, a meeting at church or the Youth Theater or writing a blog post.

AND...I loved doing as little as possible on my vacation. I love doing as little as possible whenever I can get away with it. Deep inside me, is a lazy man yearning to breathe free.

- I love attention. Clearly my outgoing nature, my penchant for theater and public speaking, the blogging are all designed to get other people to notice me, to tell me how talented I am, to love me.

AND...I don't really know how to accept a compliment gracefully. I tend to protest that I am unworthy or offer a contradictory critique. I am learning how to just say "Thank you" which is probably the best I will ever be able to do.

There's more...but I really need to get that cat nap.

Take care.

PS: [3:38 am] Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince was great!

RTT: My Random Past

Here's some stuff I found in my Franklin Planner from 1996. To provide some content (which, of course, should be unnecessary for a bunch of random sh*t - but I'm going to do it anyway):

• The Middle-Aged Woman and I had been married for ten years.


• The Girl was 6 years old; The Boy, 4 - he started pre-school on January 9


• I had worked for the Internal Revenue Service for nearly 13 years - and didn't know that I would be changing jobs before the end of the year.

That's enough d*mn context...

Jan. 4:

MAW put The Boy is his room for misbehaving. Entering his room to serve penance, he yelled out, trying to summon venom in his high-pitched four-year-old voice, the worst epithet he could muster -

"YA BIG BUTT!!"

and slammed the bedroom door. [We still laugh regularly about that incident.]

Jan. 11:

I figure there are two kinds of talkative people: the kind where a quieter person thinks "I wish I had said that" - and the kind where a quieter person thinks "I wish he'd SHUT UP!"

You want to be the former.

March 10:

If something is "good" only because it is new, then it will likely only be good while it is new.

March 26:

If a person is not willing to do something, then it doesn't much matter whether they are able to do that thing. You must be willing to act.

May 9:

A candidate for "The Biggest Lie You Can Tell Yourself"- Nothing I do will make a difference, will make things better.

June 5: (Editor's note - I titled this one, "Useless Thought")

All of the reasons a woman can give for not having sex boil down to the same reason - she didn't want to.

July 7:

Today, The Boy road his bike without training wheels for the first time. It finally shamed The Girl into trying.

August 13:

While donating blood today, the volunteers told me that my blood is so "clean", it can be given to infants during surgery.

Sept. 6: (Editor's note - I titled this one, "A Warning")

You don't have to "try to be" what you ARE.

[For example: "I wasn't trying to be [insert quality here]." Mean, silly, good ]

What you ARE always becomes APPARENT.

Oct. 29: Eleven days after his fifth birthday, The Boy ran into the corner of a half-wall in the hallway of our house. Before he could become aware of the damage done to himself, I got a towel on The Boy's head to hide, if not stop, the bleeding. I sternly instructed The Girl to not give any impression to The Boy how badly he might be hurt* and we were off to the Emergency Room. The Boy ended up needing 4 stitches to close up the wound in his scalp. When he hair is cut short, you can still see the scar. Both The Girl and The Boy acquitted themselves admirably in this episode.

Nov. 29: My last day working for the Internal Revenue Service.

Dec. 2: My first day working for Perot Systems (my current employer)

Dec. 22:

"Daddy, why are you naked?" - a question posed by the The Girl at 7:55 am on Sunday morning.
(Editor's note: I wish I could provide some context here - but I got nothing. Maybe she walked in on the MAW and me...)

PS: And since we're talking about nudity - and I've previously mentioned my statistical tracking of sexual activity in my Franklin Planner during certain periods of my marriage - I noticed a DRAMATIC increase in activity around the time of my career change. Hey - maybe I've been going about this all WRONG...

Hope you found this "Blast from the Past" interesting.

Take care.

Apologia pro Blogo suo*

[The management would like to apologize for the lack of new content on this blog of late. Our head writer had a busy weekend until about 3:30 pm Sunday (that's when I got home he got home from church), at which point, he turned into a vegetable.

Unable to motivate him with either inspiration or guilt, we have been forced to fill this space with information that normally would have normally been included as replies to recent comments but which, given the current state of affairs here, is the only content available. ]

Faithful readers (or I guess, more recently, watchers - since there has been anything new to read in a few days):

Thanks to all of you who made comments concerning last week's Spin Cycle and Flash Fiction victory post. I have been spending a good deal of time over the past few days trying to catch up on my "World According to Garp" reading so as not to let Sprite's Keeper leave me in the dust. I am most grateful that she has been enjoying the book - I have as well during my rereading.

I also promised the Middle-Aged Woman that I would reading Christopher Moore's Lamb - and I have been making fairly steady progress there as well. And I (gasp) watched a couple movies (A Place In The Sun, Manhattan) and an episode of Dr. Who with Ms. Partly Cloudy and the MAW. All this reading and watching has left me little time for creating. And I'm trying to accept that.

Anyway, thanks for all the kind words about Homeland Insecurity - I'm really glad I wasn't the only person that found it amusing. (There's nothing sadder that being the only one who gets your jokes.) The next time I see my son awake (it could be awhile), I will pass along the congrats on his graduation.

I really wasn't sure how to feel about the whole "I love you too, sir" thing (while MAW mentioned in her comment). Snoplum thinks The Boy was trying to make a joke - and I guess she's right. We're not normally very formal around here - so I can't remember him ever calling me "sir" on purpose. I'm not saying it hasn't happened - but if it did, I don't remember it. The phrase "I love you, sir" just seems like an oxymoron (unless delivered by Honey Huan in Doonesbury).

Well, I hope that gives you all some insights into happenings in the Land of Styro. I really will get around to explaining the concept of Music Night and Listening Room soon. I think many of you will find it interesting (and the rest will be reading to find out if I mention them by name).

I accepted a small part in a play to try and save the Artistic Director at our Youth Theater from a nervous breakdown. More on that in the coming days.

Only two more things to cover:

1. Mikey - Disneyland is great.

2. Did somebody say there's a hockey game on tomorrow night?

Take care.


* For an explanation of the title, click here

RED WINGS PLAYOFF UPDATE:
The Stanley Cup Finals - Detroit vs. Pittsburgh
The Wings beat the Penguins Saturday night by a score of 5-0.
Detroit leads Pittsburgh 3 - 2 in the best of seven series.

More Random Tuesday Thoughts

Pretty Random, Dr. Smith

• It is sometimes disturbing to me to dwell on the large portions of my brain's capacity that appear to be devoted to dialogue from old TV shows or song lyrics. I can only hope that, since science has established that we do not use most of our brain's awesome power, I am not actually depriving room to anything important.
  
  

• My only regret is that nowhere in the clip does the hot, green chick actually say the immortal words, "Pretty, handsome, Dr. Smith."


• As an aging male who has been married for a long time, I think I've come to grips pretty well with the decrease of sexual activity in my life.* It's easier to be happy (or, at least, not unhappy) when you can accept reality. I used to keep track of how often I had sex in my Franklin Planner - as I recall the Middle-Aged Woman (not yet MA at the time) was appalled. Anyway, I pulled out some old Franklin storage binder to look up some information completely unrelated to sex - and was confronted by the hard statistics of the past.** It was really depressing.
• I have gotten to a point where I can't force myself to stay up until 2 AM composing and recording my posts. I suspect that the previous consistency in timing of my posts will suffer over the next several days a result.


• Maybe I should have retitled this whole thing "Don't Get It Up Anymore"?


• Will they prescribe Viagra or Cialis to guys who don't have problems with erectile dysfunction? What if I just want a 4-hour erection?
  

Take care.

* I wish I could say the "come to grips" thing was intentional. Sometimes I'm convinced my best stuff is normally unintentional.
** See what I mean?

Random Tuesday Thoughts:

War and more

Without any further introduction...

• "It is a good thing that war is so terrible,
  lest we should grow too fond of it."
  - Robert E. Lee
  
  Lee understood, I think, the simultaneous attraction and revulsion of war. Although we generally profess an aversion to war these days, I think it's a mistake to lose sight of what humans have found appealing for time out of mind: the opportunity to demonstrate courage, to sacrifice for the things which we most strongly believe, to show the best of ourselves in the worst of circumstances. I bring these up not to suggest that war is good - but as a reminder that, to undercut the romanticism associated with battle, we must show how all these things can be exhibited in the clash of ideas, rather than weapons.


• My top five "Star Trek" movies:
  1. II, Wrath of Khan-1982 (Spock's death was the single greatest thing that allowed the franchise to live on)
  2. Star Trek-2009 (J.J. Abrams straddles the tightrope of reverence and irreverence perfectly - while creating a thoroughly entertaining action blockbuster)
  3. VI, Undiscovered Country-1991 (Nicholas Meyer returns to give a fitting send-off to the original cast)
  4. First Contact-1996 (Jonathan Frakes [Commander Riker] directs the best of the Next Generation films)
  5. III&IV, Search for Spock/Voyage Home-1984 & 1986 (Sure, it's a cheat - but this really is just one big movie broken into two parts and directed by Nimoy)


• There's been a woodpecker living in my neighborhood, which you don't get too often in these here parts. Sometimes I'll hear him knock-knock-knocking on a tree across the stree from my house when I'm leaving for work. It's an unusual sound - and one we don't often hear. I almost got a picture the other day - but once I figured out where Woody was (just because you can hear the noise doesn't mean you can figure out which tree he's in), found out the camera battery had been removed, located and inserted the battery - he was long gone. I don't think I would like beating my head against something hard all the time.


• Which reminds me of my wife, the Middle-Aged Woman. As those of you who read her blog already know, she's been going through a rough stretch. It's lasted about three years now and counting. Anyway, there's a real good news / bad news aspect to recent developments, for example:
  - Bad news = She hates her job
  - Good news = Summer vacation is coming (hopefully soon enough)
  - Bad news = She hasn't had a "good day" with respect to back pain in about 3 weeks
  - Good news = She got a refill on her "orangutan" so I won't have to put her out of her misery


• Yesterday, we (yeah, I'm still talking about the little woman here) cut a deal. She wants me to read Lamb - and I've recommended for fifteen years that she read Schindler's List, so we're doing this quid pro quo reading thing. Perhaps, we'll work these books into the whole He Read / She Read thing (which Sprite's Keeper and I are diligently working on behind the scenes - so don't think I've forgotten).


• I'm wondering how long I can keep posting every day (only one missed day since April 1 - oh sure, some of them have been pretty sh*tty - but how many things do you do every day that are a masterpiece?). I don't think I can make it past the end of June (it would be kind of cool to go through my birthday) - but I don't want to underestimate just how stubborn I can be.

Thanks for stopping by. Hope you all have a good week.
My experience is that a shortened work week is not always an easier work week. Some people just try to pack in five days of work in four days.

I will avoid that if at all possible.

Take care.

RED WINGS PLAYOFF UPDATE: Detroit vs. Chicago
The Wings defeated the Blackhawks Sunday afternoon, 6-1,
to take a 3-1 lead in the best of seven series

Random Wednesday Thoughts

(doesn't it count if I thought of the stuff on Tuesday?)

• I might have finished a normal post today - if I hadn't discovered two new blogs from a very good friend, Ellie Belen. But that was an excellent trade-off. I had no idea Ellie was blogging - and I think she is a wonderful writer. You can decide for yourself by checking out her blogs at Distracting Minutia and Martial Arts Class Diaries .


• Because the Middle-Aged Woman leaves for work before I do, I will often find her nightshirt or other sleeping gear tossed in a heap on our bed. I like thinking of my wife's beautiful body while I fold her bed clothes.


• There can be some competition for bathroom time in my house. Such was the case when The Girl (my 19-year-old daughter aka Ms. Partly Cloudy) barged in on me the other morning. The bathroom is located near (what passes for) the master bedroom in our home* - it has sliding "pocket" doors on either side. When I'm in that bathroom and I hear approaching footsteps, I will often clear my throat or make a noise to help avoid any awkward encounters. But The Girl was moving at top speed and oblivious to any warnings I might make. So as she briskly slid open one of the doors, I greeted her in a loud, cheery voice -

"Howz it going?!"

"Jesus Christ!!!!!" She lept backward and slammed shut the pocket door.

"No - he's not in here. It's just me."

• The Wings couldn't finish off the Anaheim Ducks in Game 6 of their Stanley Cup playoff series tonight. The seventh and final game will be played in Detroit on Thursday night. The winner of that game will go on to play the Chicago Blackhawks in the Western Conference finals. GO WINGS!


• I excercised twice on Monday (treadmill in the morning, marital arts in the evening); just the treadmill Tuesday morning. Staying up late for the hockey game could ruin my streak Wednesday morning. But I've been on a pretty good roll so far this week.


• Full-time employment is really starting to interfere with my blogging. I seem to get a flood of ideas in the morning that I would like to get down on...electrons** while they're fresh in my mind. Sometimes I sneak a few minutes during lunch to read or make a comment. But it's really cramping my style. I wonder if I can get someone to pay me to do THIS? (I didn't think so - perhaps male prostitution. Oh, wait - I already do that...in a way.)


• It's getting late. I've been random enough. Preparing posts with audio and text has been a lot more work than I imagined - but I think it's been worth it.

Take care.

* It is distinguishable as the "master" bedroom only because the MAW and I sleep there.
** Screen? You know what I mean...