Monday, February 5, 2024
On The VERGE
Thursday, October 22, 2009
(Still) My Masterpieces
[I am reposting this in honor of The Boy's 18th (this past Sunday) and The Girl's 20th (today) birthdays. I haven't figured out any better way to say it since June - so sue me.]
Yesterday was The Boy's graduation party. I took the day off on Friday to relax and work on party preparation; so my son and I were home together for most of the day. In the early part of the afternoon, we had a conversation (OK, it's true - I did most of the talking) and I told The Boy this:
When I was growing up - a teenager like The Boy is now, and even earlier - I wanted to be rich and famous. I figured that I would be an actor, an author, a singer/songwriter - or at least a disc jockey (I assumed ascending to that low rung of the celebrity ladder would be the worst I could do!). I would make my way in the world with my creativity - and people would know my name.
But I also wanted marriage and a family. I didn't think of these desires for fame and starting a family as being at cross purposes - but, of course, they are. And as I matured, it became an easy decision to set aside my dreams of glory in order to give my best to the reality of my wife and children. I didn't view it as a sacrifice. Just a decision - that what was most important in my life was the people I loved, the people around me - not the opportunity to be loved anonymously by the thousands (or the millions) I would never know.
Out of that decision, of course, many more arose. Some out of practical necessity, others of opportunity, others of convenience or habit. How could I best provide for my family? What sort of work could I do that would suit my personal preferences while being lucrative enough, stable enough to plan for the future. Who would hire me? How could I best ensure a steady stream of income for myself and my family?
And in this process, I began to learn my lines as husband and father, I composed emails rather than songs, wrote project plans instead of story outlines, did my DJ-ing by creating mix tapes rather than spinning records during the afternoon drive-time shift. These were not sacrifices - I made decisions based on what was most important to me.
The reward for my decisions is greater, I believe, than any film I might have made, or book that I might have written, or album that I might have released.
My children are my masterpieces.
They are bright and beautiful and loving. They're not perfect - they're still works in progress - but they are good. And even God herself, when She created the world, didn't claim much more than that.
When I compare myself at seventeen to my son, he seems quite young. Much younger than I was at that age. I think my children have been blessed to be able BE KIDS for longer than seems the norm these days. And I'm grateful for that. I told The Boy that he might not appreciate that fact now - but later in life, he may better understand and appreciate it.
I wanted my son (and my daughter) to know all that. The Boy's graduation from high school is like a sign post on The Highway; my children's lives have moved into a new construction zone. Most (if not all) of the basic work is complete. The road has been paved, the cement is nearly dry. There may be occasional lane closures from time to time for repair - but my work on the project is all but over.
Oh, I may be able to offer a suggestion on where to place the street lights - or establishing the speed limit...if I'm asked. But I'll try not to feel badly if I'm not consulted. I know there will be times when my input will not be desired - or needed. If I've done my work well, they won't need me much anyway - and they'll know when they do - and they won't be afraid to ask.
Anyway, that's what I shared with The Boy on Friday. Where the road goes from here is mostly up to him. I told my son that I didn't think he ought to do (or not do) things in his life to make his parents proud of him. Making a parent proud seems to me to be an undue burden to place on a child. I told him he should find out what makes him happy, what will allow him to be self-sufficient, how he can be a responsible member of the community in which he lives - and do those things.
That would be more than enough, I think, to make any parent proud. Don't you?
Take care.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009
RTT: "Oh what a tangled web we weave..."
When first we write so randomly.*
Or something.
- I don't get why I'm having what amounts to a writer's block whenever I sit down to write a post here lately. I don't seem to have any problem writing in general - I just seem to have a problem writing what's on my mind.
- Maybe it's time for me to work on that post idea I've had lying around for awhile - tentatively titled "The limitations of transparency" - about the decisions we all make concerning how much we want to reveal of ourselves. Not just on blogs, in life! And do the boundaries we establish make us dishonest in our dealings with other people? When does choosing not reveal something about yourself become dishonesty? (I get a few more good ideas together on that one and I'll have a new "Meaning Of Life" post...)
- This weekend, I edited down about the first half-hour of what I expect to be a great new instructional video on Chi Sao demonstrated by my good friend and teacher, Sibok Rocco Ambrose. If you live in the metropolitan Detroit area and are interested in the finest training in self-defense and martial arts around, for yourself or your children, you need to check out Ambrose Academy.
- Later this month, The Girl and The Boy will celebrate their 20th and 18th birthdays, respectively. Good God, I am old.
- So Pamela (from the dayton time) emails me today. She started reading Life of Pi on Friday - and finished the d*mn book in a day. Who the h*ll has time to read a whole 400-page book in ONE DAY? Doesn't she realize the kind of pressure that puts on me?!?!
(Pamela, it's just a joke, sweetie. I don't want to cause trouble again just because I don't know how to write stuff so that it's funny...)
- I don't feel old.
- Did I mention that it's really cool when your kids get older and they're not home all the time and you don't have to wait until they're asleep to have sex?
- I'm not advocating that anyone has to wait until their kids are asleep to have sex (but that is pretty much how the Middle-Aged Woman rolls, if you know what mean). But when one of the parties whose cooperation is essential in these pursuits generally has difficulty staying up much beyond 9 pm... I'm just sayin' - absence makes the heart grow fonder.
- Other things may grow as well.
- Have you ever noticed how underused the word "engorged" is?
- Since becoming a freelance writer, the Middle-Aged Woman has been making a lunch for me to take to work every day and preparing many fine evening meals. Tonight, she had a little mishap with some pork chops (I'm not a big pork chop fan anyway - she likes them though) - and so I had to leap into the breach and salvage dinner tonight. And, though I don't like to brag, I think it's fair to say - that I buy make a mean Crispy Strip**.
Bon appΓ©tit!
Take care.
PS: Did I mention that you are supposed to visit Keely at the Un-Mom immediately.
If not sooner.
* Apologies to Sir Walter Scott.
** "Crispy Strip" is a registered trademark of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
RTT: My Random Past

Here's some stuff I found in my Franklin Planner from 1996. To provide some content (which, of course, should be unnecessary for a bunch of random sh*t - but I'm going to do it anyway):
- The Middle-Aged Woman and I had been married for ten years.
- The Girl was 6 years old; The Boy, 4 - he started pre-school on January 9
- I had worked for the Internal Revenue Service for nearly 13 years - and didn't know that I would be changing jobs before the end of the year.
Jan. 4:
MAW put The Boy is his room for misbehaving. Entering his room to serve penance, he yelled out, trying to summon venom in his high-pitched four-year-old voice, the worst epithet he could muster -
"YA BIG BUTT!!"and slammed the bedroom door. [We still laugh regularly about that incident.]
Jan. 11:
I figure there are two kinds of talkative people: the kind where a quieter person thinks "I wish I had said that" - and the kind where a quieter person thinks "I wish he'd SHUT UP!"
You want to be the former.
March 10:
If something is "good" only because it is new, then it will likely only be good while it is new.
March 26:
If a person is not willing to do something, then it doesn't much matter whether they are able to do that thing. You must be willing to act.
May 9:
A candidate for "The Biggest Lie You Can Tell Yourself"- Nothing I do will make a difference, will make things better.
June 5: (Editor's note - I titled this one, "Useless Thought")
All of the reasons a woman can give for not having sex boil down to the same reason - she didn't want to.
July 7:
Today, The Boy road his bike without training wheels for the first time. It finally shamed The Girl into trying.
August 13:
While donating blood today, the volunteers told me that my blood is so "clean", it can be given to infants during surgery.
Sept. 6: (Editor's note - I titled this one, "A Warning")
You don't have to "try to be" what you ARE.
[For example: "I wasn't trying to be [insert quality here]." Mean, silly, good ]
What you ARE always becomes APPARENT.
Oct. 29: Eleven days after his fifth birthday, The Boy ran into the corner of a half-wall in the hallway of our house. Before he could become aware of the damage done to himself, I got a towel on The Boy's head to hide, if not stop, the bleeding. I sternly instructed The Girl to not give any impression to The Boy how badly he might be hurt* and we were off to the Emergency Room. The Boy ended up needing 4 stitches to close up the wound in his scalp. When he hair is cut short, you can still see the scar. Both The Girl and The Boy acquitted themselves admirably in this episode.
Nov. 29: My last day working for the Internal Revenue Service.
Dec. 2: My first day working for Perot Systems (my current employer)
Dec. 22:
"Daddy, why are you naked?" - a question posed by the The Girl at 7:55 am on Sunday morning.
(Editor's note: I wish I could provide some context here - but I got nothing. Maybe she walked in on the MAW and me...)
PS: And since we're talking about nudity - and I've previously mentioned my statistical tracking of sexual activity in my Franklin Planner during certain periods of my marriage - I noticed a DRAMATIC increase in activity around the time of my career change. Hey - maybe I've been going about this all WRONG...
Hope you found this "Blast from the Past" interesting.
Take care.
Monday, June 22, 2009
All About My Father's Day
The day actually began on the way home from Music Night - the Middle-Aged Woman and I didn't get home until about 1 AM. Once home, I finished writing my Father's Day post about/to my Dad. Then I went to bed for a while.
Before leaving for church this morning, I remoted to my Dad's computer (I use the tool available at www.logmein.com) and left him an initial Father's Day greeting (which directed him to check out my blog post). I went to church alone (as usual), got my car washed afterward and headed home. At home, I recorded the audio accompaniment to Sunday's post.
[From the Editor: I must disgress for a moment here to ask some questions concerning THE AUDIO PORTION OF OUR PROGRAM - Does anybody listen to the posts? Or all you all just reading them? If you do like to listen to the posts, do you listen as you read - or primarily do only one or the other?
Did anyone not realize that I provide spoken versions of most posts? [The tool from Box.net that loads at the top of the page allows you to click on the MP3 filenames to listen.] Now that you know, do you think that you'll bother to listen?
I beg you - please let me know whether you find the audio posts cool or useless. They are enough work that - I need to know whether people feel they add something to the site - so I can summon the energy to keep making them available. And now, we return you to your regularly scheduled rant...]
At this point, it was around 2 PM and, having skipped breakfast, I was getting hungry. Snoplum had recently gotten out of the shower and asked if I could wait for her to finish getting beautiful (which she already was completely - but I told her I'd wait anyway). She chose that moment to present me with a few Father's Day gifts:
Thomas Keneally's Searching for Schindler (a memoir from 2007), the 20th Anniversary DVD of Terry Gilliam's The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (this and The Fisher King are my favorite Gilliam films), and the 20th Anniversary DVD of The Times of Harvey Milk (which won the Oscar for Best Documentary Feature in 1984; Gus Van Sant's latest film, Milk, with Sean Penn owes a great debt to this earlier documentary film). Did I mention that my wife has extremely good taste (and knows how to easily access my Wish List at Amazon).
She also gave me a wonderful Father's Day kiss - at which point I may have mentioned that I had a little something for her as well. This part of the day is a little fuzzy for me now; I must have blacked out due to lack of blood flow to the brain. Anyway, one thing lead to another, and the next thing I remember, I was getting dressed so we could get some lunch. The MAW and I had a fine meal at Panera and I called my Dad to wish him a Happy Father's Day when we returned home.
The kids got home later in the afternoon (The Girl, from work; The Boy, from visiting a friend) and presented me with a great card and some additional loot (golf balls and tees - which will come in handy beginning next week). We all went to dinner together and then saw the latest Pixar film, Up (which is very much worth seeing). We even picked up some donuts on the way home as a Father's Day dessert. It had been a while since we had spent that much time all together - and enjoyed each other's company with no bits of bickering or human drama.
It was really nice. I'll take another day just like that one anytime.
Take care.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
My Dad
At this point in his life, my Dad was trying different jobs (working in a factory briefly, running a pizza parlor) trying to acquire the means for he and my mom to live independently. You see, I am the oldest child in my family. My parents were married in November and I was born in June (not prematurely) - you do the math.
My father and I have never discussed how the unplanned nature of my arrival on earth affected his young life - but it must have been difficult at the time.
The next two pictures were taken about 10 years apart. At left, my Dad is pictured with my sister, Wendy (the older of my two sisters) circa 1968. On the right, my Dad is pictured in the late 70's - at the time, he was still younger than I am now. Both of pictures were cropped from larger family photos - and when I look at them, I remember that by late 1970, my Mom and Dad had four children. My Dad was 26; the same age I was when the Middle-Aged Woman and I had our first child.

For years, my father smoked too much and weighed too much. He still does. I don't harp on him about it anymore - because I don't expect him to change. But I hope he will prove me wrong. The point is: I long ago accepted the fact that, given his habits, my Dad could die of a massive heart attack at almost any time. So I don't pass up an opportunity to hug or kiss my Dad and tell him I love him.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
My masterpieces
When I was growing up - a teenager like The Boy is now, and even earlier - I wanted to be rich and famous. I figured that I would be an actor, an author, a singer/songwriter - or at least a disc jockey (I assumed ascending to that low rung of the celebrity ladder would be the worst I could do!). I would make my way in the world with my creativity - and people would know my name.
But I also wanted marriage and a family. I didn't think of these desires for fame and starting a family as being at cross purposes - but, of course, they are. And as I matured, it became an easy decision to set aside my dreams of glory in order to give my best to the reality of my wife and children. I didn't view it as a sacrifice. Just a decision - that what was most important in my life was the people I loved, the people around me - not the opportunity to be loved anonymously by the thousands (or the millions) I would never know.
Out of that decision, of course, many more arose. Some out of practical necessity, others of opportunity, others of convenience or habit. How could I best provide for my family? What sort of work could I do that would suit my personal preferences while being lucrative enough, stable enough to plan for the future. Who would hire me? How could I best ensure a steady stream of income for myself and my family?
And in this process, I began to learn my lines as husband and father, I composed emails rather than songs, wrote project plans instead of story outlines, did my DJ-ing by creating mix tapes* rather than spinning records during the afternoon drive-time shift. These were not sacrifices - I made decisions based on what was most important to me.
The reward for my decisions is greater, I believe, than any film I might have made, or book that I might have written, or album that I might have released.
My children are my masterpieces.
They are bright and beautiful and loving. They're not perfect - they're still works in progress - but they are good. And even God herself, when She created the world, didn't claim much more than that.**
When I compare myself at seventeen to my son, he seems quite young. Much younger than I was at that age. I think my children have been blessed to be able BE KIDS for longer than seems the norm these days. And I'm grateful for that. I told The Boy that he might not appreciate that fact now - but later in life, he may better understand and appreciate it.
I wanted my son (and my daughter) to know all that. The Boy's graduation from high school is like a sign post on The Highway; my children's lives have moved into a new construction zone. Most (if not all) of the basic work is complete. The road has been paved, the cement is nearly dry. There may be occasional lane closures from time to time for repair - but my work on the project is all but over.
Oh, I may be able to offer a suggestion on where to place the street lights - or establishing the speed limit...if I'm asked. But I'll try not to feel badly if I'm not consulted. I know there will be times when my input will not be desired - or needed. If I've done my work well, they won't need me much anyway - and they'll know when they do - and they won't be afraid to ask.
Anyway, that's what I shared with The Boy on Friday. Where the road goes from here is mostly up to him. I told my son that I didn't think he ought to do (or not do) things in his life to make his parents proud of him. Making a parent proud seems to me to be an undue burden to place on a child. I told him he should find out what makes him happy, what will allow him to be self-sufficient, how he can be a responsible member of the community in which he lives - and do those things.
That would be more than enough, I think, to make any parent proud. Don't you?
Take care.


* I think this is a term commonly used by people who create collections of songs by various artists for their own listening pleasure (Think Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets or John Cusack in High Fidelity). But it's not a term I normally use. I just call them "collections".
** Genesis 1:31
Monday, May 18, 2009
The Full, True Story of
"How I Was Kidnapped"
Last fall, I was sitting alone in a small diner on a main thoroughfare near our home finishing up a post-choir-practice dinner (and contemplating dessert), when my cell phone rang. A rather breathless and agitated Ms. Part Cloudy (my daughter, The Girl) was on the other end.
"Dad. are you OK?" I performed a quick inventory.
"Yeah, I'm fine. What's going on?"
"Have you talked to (Brother)*? I tried to call him on his cell phone and he's not answering."
She and I both knew that this was not exactly unusual behavior, so I wasn't quite sure why it seemed to be a source of irritation on this particular evening.
"No - but I'll try to call him."
"Mom says he's supposed to be over at Joey or Tony's house**. If he doesn't answer, you need to go over and find him. And don't travel on Telegraph Road!" This ultimatum ended the conversation as she hung up.
My first thought was: I guess I'm not gonna get any dessert.
My second thought was: It's gonna be hard to avoid traveling on Telegraph Road - since this here restaurant is located on Telegraph Road - and there's no legal way for a vehicle to exit the parking lot of this restaurant without going on to that road. What with me not having perfected transporter technology yet.
The third thought was: Why the hell can't I travel on Telegraph Road?
In deliberate disobedience to my daughter, I left the restaurant and headed off to find The Boy. Within a few minutes, I had confirmed that he was safe and sound at Joey's house. I phoned The Girl to pass along this update. It was a brief conversation.
"OK, I'll tell Mom - but you better get home right away. Mom got a call from someone saying that they had kidnapped you! And the police are coming to the house."
When I shared with The Boy the news that I had been kidnapped, it made his night. He thought it was so funny, he had to go and tell his buds before we headed home. If all my material went over as well with the general populace as the story of my kidnapping did with teenage boys that night, I'd take this show on the road and kick Ron White's ass!
The Boy and I arrived home to some highly-agitated females (whom we proceeded to piss off with our devil-may-care attitude). What for us had been a hoot (since we both clearly knew we had not been kidnapped), had involved at least a few fearful minutes for The Girls until it became clear that the kidnapping threat was b*llsh*t.
The story from the Middle-Aged Woman's perspective was not too much different than portrayed in the flash fiction piece, except that - I did not arrive home during her conversation with my would-be kidnappers. Rather she was able to ascertain my safety by having The Girl phone me - and I subsequently verified they had not kidnapped my son either.
The cops did arrive at the house a few minutes later - but they were not too interested that we had obtained the phone number where the prank call had originated. They asked questions like: Do either of your kids do drugs? Or hang out with people who do drugs? (Apparently, drug-usage and prank kidnapping calls have been strongly linked in recent studies.)
The story kind of peters out at this point. I was in the doghouse again for a while because I had made light of the situation. There was no rash of prank calls in the wake of this incident. Life went back to (more or less) normal.
AND NOW: THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR (or actually, just one of you)!
The winner of the World According to Styro Contest is...Sprite's Keeper! (Hurray!)
Although she did not correctly identify any of the stuff I made up in the story (admittedly difficult since it was mostly true - at least in the spirit of what actually occurred), she was the only one to enter the contest. And since we all know that the people who rule the world are the people who show up...SHE RULES!
What is equally cool: She has never read The World According to Garp and so I'm really looking forward to hear what she thinks of the book. If she's willing, I may even propose some "He Read / She Read" posting to give some male/female, first-time reader/rereader feedback on the novel.
Anyway, that's the news from Lake Wobegon for today. That and - the Wings won the first game of the Western Conference finals. And I washed every piece of soiled clothing in the house. And...oh, you get the idea.
Take care.
* My son, whom I refer to as "The Boy"
** Two of The Boy's best buds. They live almost next door to one another, less than a mile from our home as the crow flies. Or the pterodactyl for that matter.
RED WINGS PLAYOFF UPDATE: Detroit vs. Chicago
The Wings defeated the Blackhawks Sunday afternoon, 5-2,
to take a 1-0 lead in the best of seven series
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Random Wednesday Thoughts

- I might have finished a normal post today - if I hadn't discovered two new blogs from a very good friend, Ellie Belen. But that was an excellent trade-off. I had no idea Ellie was blogging - and I think she is a wonderful writer. You can decide for yourself by checking out her blogs at Distracting Minutia and Martial Arts Class Diaries .
- Because the Middle-Aged Woman leaves for work before I do, I will often find her nightshirt or other sleeping gear tossed in a heap on our bed. I like thinking of my wife's beautiful body while I fold her bed clothes.
- There can be some competition for bathroom time in my house. Such was the case when The Girl (my 19-year-old daughter aka Ms. Partly Cloudy) barged in on me the other morning. The bathroom is located near (what passes for) the master bedroom in our home* - it has sliding "pocket" doors on either side. When I'm in that bathroom and I hear approaching footsteps, I will often clear my throat or make a noise to help avoid any awkward encounters. But The Girl was moving at top speed and oblivious to any warnings I might make. So as she briskly slid open one of the doors, I greeted her in a loud, cheery voice -
"Howz it going?!"
"Jesus Christ!!!!!" She lept backward and slammed shut the pocket door.
"No - he's not in here. It's just me."
- The Wings couldn't finish off the Anaheim Ducks in Game 6 of their Stanley Cup playoff series tonight. The seventh and final game will be played in Detroit on Thursday night. The winner of that game will go on to play the Chicago Blackhawks in the Western Conference finals. GO WINGS!
- I excercised twice on Monday (treadmill in the morning, marital arts in the evening); just the treadmill Tuesday morning. Staying up late for the hockey game could ruin my streak Wednesday morning. But I've been on a pretty good roll so far this week.
- Full-time employment is really starting to interfere with my blogging. I seem to get a flood of ideas in the morning that I would like to get down on...electrons** while they're fresh in my mind. Sometimes I sneak a few minutes during lunch to read or make a comment. But it's really cramping my style. I wonder if I can get someone to pay me to do THIS? (I didn't think so - perhaps male prostitution. Oh, wait - I already do that...in a way.)
- It's getting late. I've been random enough. Preparing posts with audio and text has been a lot more work than I imagined - but I think it's been worth it.
Take care.
* It is distinguishable as the "master" bedroom only because the MAW and I sleep there.
** Screen? You know what I mean...




