Tuesday, October 27, 2009

RTT: ...all sorts of ideas about religion
and pinup girls


- Saturday night, my lovely wife (the Middle-Aged Woman) and I, The Girl and her Fi-ance, and The Boy, went out to the International House of Pancakes for Ms. Partly Cloudy's 20th Birthday dinner. (Hey, I'm not cheap! IHOP was her choice.) In the midst of our dinner conversation, it was revealed that, as a child, the Fi-ance had mistaken some of the lyrics to the old children's song, Kookaburra - and granted Christ-figure status to the bird. See for yourself:

Kookaburra sits on the old gum tree
Merry merry king of the bush is he
Laugh Kookaburra, laugh Kookaburra
Gave your life for me
It took a long time for the MAW to stop giggling about that one. I, for one, respect a young man who's willing to make this sort of (hilarious) admission in front of his likely future parents-in-law.

- My uncle and I got on the road early Sunday morning and drove 200 miles to visit my Grandma (his mother) for the day. While we were there, the extremely nice neighbor-lady that looks after my Grandma gave me this:

That's right, folks! At the age of 98, my grandmother has become...A PINUP GIRL.

And if the pinup weren't enough, she has also brazenly appeared in a brochure promoting charitable giving for the United Way.

During our visit, I was able to convince the Pinup Girl to go out for lunch (quite an unexpected development - my Grandma has been extremely reticent about eating in public since she had a stroke several years ago) - and it was no surprise that the restaurant quickly filled up with other patrons. The casual observer might have thought it was just the usual influx of business after Sunday church services. But I know better. Though the hordes were clearly being attracted like moths to the Pinup Girl's flame, thankfully, they were all well-mannered enough not to bother her with autograph requests during our meal.

- Yesterday, the MAW posted about some people of an unusually zealous religious persuasion* who apparently burn different translations of the Bible which they believe do not represent the true Word of God. The MAW referred to these as "the WRONG VERSIONS of the bible." I found this "wrong versions" idea so striking, that I began to imagine God herself doing a commercial for "the RIGHT VERSION" of the Bible...

Hi, I'm God.

You know - Jehovah, I-Am-Who-Am. Allah, The Creator, The Big Guy Upstairs...

Well, whatever name you call me, I've got the whole world in my hands. And let me tell you - sometimes I look down at what I've got in my hands and it can be mighty disappointing. People say I don't exist -or that, even if I do, I don't care about what's going on down there. But the truth is: it's not easy to watch the stuff you created get trashed every day. Or hear people misquoting, misinterpreting or downright lying about you. And sometimes the biggest lies come from the ones who make the grandest claims to be representing your interests!

But I've come up with something I hope will clear up all the confusion.

I call it: God's RIGHT VERSION of the Bible. Some of you who are big fans of your current version of the Bible may be a little disappointed in the brevity of this new version - and I admit, it does leave out a lot of the beauty and majesty of the original. But what it lacks in pomp and pageantry, I think it makes up for in clarity and readability.

For those of you who'd like to sneak a peek at the new and improved
God's RIGHT VERSION of the Bible, you should check out any of the following passages in your current Bible:
Matthew 22:37-40; Mark 12:29-31; Luke 10:27; or John 13:34.

So look for God's RIGHT VERSION - and accept no substitutes.
Remember: I've got my eye on you.
- DON'T FORGET: Captain Dumbass and the Middle-Aged Woman review Pride and Prejudice and Zombies at He Read/She Read tomorrow. So get in the Halloween spirit and go there without fail. If you don't...well, have you ever seen the damage a p*ssed-off zombie can do?

Take care.

PS: Did I mention that you are supposed to visit Keely at the Un-Mom immediately.

The Un Mom

If not sooner.

*I try to avoid referring to people with whom I disagree as crazy-@$$ MoFos - no matter how crazy they seem to be


Middle Aged Woman said...

I looked up the KJV for the John passage: 34A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

35By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

I can't help but think the word "Basserly" is somewhere close down the line.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

It would have taken me a while to stop giggling over the Kookaburra word mix-up... ;)

Love that your Grandma is a 'pin-up girl' at 98! Go Grandma! :)

Heh, love your 'God commercial'... :)

Happy RTT! :)

Jess said...

LOL...oh how I enjoyed MAW's post on that yesterday...however, her blog would not let me post.

I was just thinking what a HUGE bon fire they were going to have and had thoughts of them catching the church on fire by accident...

The G-Ma is looking mighty fly in her new spread!!

Kat said...

I think God should send everyone a letter that says.

Dear (insert name here),

I love you, even when you screw up.


blueviolet said...

Go Grandma! It's never to late to strive for pin-up status!

Seansmoma said...

I'm so jealous! I've been craving IHOP for days! We don't have one around here . . . Silly Tiny little town!

Happy Tuesday!

Pamela said...

your grandma's hot.

I am Harriet said...

Haven't been to Ihop in years!

Have a great RTT!

Ellie Belen said...

Your Gram looks awesome for 98.

The commercial is a radio spot, right?

Captain Dumbass said...

I liked Kat's idea.

Julie@Momspective said...

I hope I can be a pinup girl at 98! I hope I live to 98!

Jim Styro said...

Rather than go in strict Commenter order (like I usually do), I'll try to group them by Content -

MAW, Stacy, Kat, Ellie & Cap'n: Well, I guess I have to plan for a "Basserly" post now. (Sorry - I'm not even going to try to explain in a comment.) I liked Kat's idea too - but I think God did send a letter like that - it just got hidden in the WRONG VERSION of the Bible. If you're interested in the letter, check out my post on Wednesday.

And - definitely a radio spot, Ellie. I hear God is really camera-shy.

Stacy, Jess, blueviolet, Pamela, Ellie & Juliet: Yeah, my Grandma is The Bomb! She's one of the best humans I ever met. And I've met some good ones.

Mom-of-Sean & Harriet-I-Am: If you make it to the western suburbs of Detroit, we'll hit the IHOP together - my treat. I love the smell of bacon in the morning...anytime really.

I hope I didn't leave anyone out. Thanks for all the comment love, good people.