Would I lie to you?: Jim Styro's Meaning of Life, Part Eight

When last we went in search of the elusive Meaning of Life, we were confronting the distressing concept that those around us might not always have our best interests at heart. These situations frequently involve, if not outright lying, then at least the avoidance of full honesty. Avoiding the truth is, I believe, an ultimate happiness killer.

Let's take a look at some of the possible scenarios that could arise in failing to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. To keep it simple, I'm going build each of these examples around a decision concerning whether to have children - something many couples consider at some point or other - and oftentimes can be a "deal breaker" in maintaining a relationship.

#1 - The "I know better" scenario

This is the one where both partners tell each they are on the same page (in our example, let's say they have decided to welcome little creatures into their lives) but one of the parties has decided that the time is not right to proceed. Or perhaps the husband doesn't really believe that having children is a good idea - but he's not telling his new bride that. He's just stalling in the belief that she will come to her senses and change her mind - because he knows better.

In these situations, I'm assuming that the deceptive party believes they truly have their partner's best interests in mind. "We don't have enough money for kids, we don't have the right house, we don't have enough time to spend together now - what will it be like with a child?" However valid these points may be, if the party that feels this way is unwilling to share their misgivings, hard times lay ahead. No matter how pure they may feel their motives are.

#2 - The "Kid Yourself" scenario

There are lots of ways that people feign agreement - and lots of reasons they do it. At it's most innocent, this involves agreeing to something without considering the implications. Let's say both parties truly believe they want the same thing - but only one party has thought about it enough to stay the course. The person that agrees without thinking may believe that they are "going along to get along" - but they are likely only deferring either an argument...or a betrayal.

Once circumstances present themselves which one or the other party hadn't envisioned - the situation could quickly turn into a scenario #1 (if , when confronted with what must be done to follow through on the previous agreement, one of the parties decides they know better) - but it could also turn into a scenario 3...

#3 - The "Lyin' A$$ B*tch" scenario

In this situation, of course, one of the parties (in our example, let's say the husband - since we all know men are scum) knows from the outset that they don't agree with their partner about a decision. They don't care whether or not the desires of the other party might be in the best interest of all concerned - they just know what they want - and they intend to try to get their way regardless.

So a guy wants to maintain a relationship with his lady; she wants a kid, he doesn't. He knows she'll dump him if he lets on he has no intention of procreating, so he puts her off. He lies. He makes excuses. He tries to create an environment where having children would be difficult or impossible. Years later, she either dumps him - or her biological clock has stopped ticking and she's screwed - but not pregnant.

I used having children for these examples - but you can fill in the blank with almost any major (or minor) decision that couples must struggle with. Buying a home, changing jobs, what school would be best for the kids - you name it.

How does any of this affect our journey towards the meaning of life? Hopefully, it gives us at least two insights that may be of use. It reminds us that we should not make commitments lightly, nor should we assume silence is assent (just because our partner didn't say "no", doesn't mean they would say "yes"). Discussion of important life decisions should encompass the details of what will be required to make the thing happen. And we need to pay more attention to what people do than what they say. If our partner's behaviors contradict their words, trouble is a-brewin'.

Relationships are hard enough when everyone is pulling in the same direction. When they're not, someone is going to suffer. And then, your only choice is: do you like your suffering long and drawn out - or short and sweet.

And these are not good choices. So - let's keep things on the up and up, shall we?

Take care.


RED WINGS PLAYOFF UPDATE:
The Stanley Cup Finals - Detroit vs. Pittsburgh
The Wings defeated the Penguins Saturday night by a score of 3-1.
Detroit leads best of seven series, 1 game to 0