Saturday, May 23, 2009

"Learning the game": Jim Styro's Meaning Of Life, Part Seven

Ah, the unadorned eloquence of pop music lyrics; they can convey as much as the Bard, the Bible or the Beatles (hey! - wait a minute...)*

When Buddy Holly sang:

"When you love her
and she doesn't love you
You're only learning the game..."

He was talking about one situation I haven't considered much in previous MOL musings ...when we find ourselves in relationships where the feelings, desires & intentions of partners aren't mutual. Or, in extreme situations, where the other parties are concerned solely with their own interests; or worse yet - where the one we love doesn't love us, doesn't like us - is "playing" us.

The concept of life or love as a game has been around for...well, for a long time, how about that? But there's something about it, that rubs me the wrong way - how about you? Although from a positive angle, viewing love as a game might emphasize the fun and playfulness of a relationship - an equally valid perspective could focus on the competitive aspects of all games, the fact that games have winners and losers, the underlying idea that life is a zero sum game** - for me to win I need to acquire more while everyone else gets less.

Although I can't prove that life is, in fact, not a zero sum game - I choose to believe that is not the case (based on my own experiences) and behave accordingly.

But I suspect that all of us (or nearly so) have experienced an unrequited love - where our devotion was either not reciprocated at all ("I'm busy this Saturday - and every other Saturday night for the rest of my life") or not reciprocated in kind ("I hope we can just be friends"). Who during adolescence, with their hormones raging, hasn't "fallen in love" (or, at least, lust) with someone who really didn't want to have anything to do with them.

Of course, what can make things really interesting (depending on how you look at it), is to become involved with someone who is deliberately leveraging your devotion, good-will or good-naturedness for their own gain - without regard for what would be best for you.

It's getting late - so I'll defer some of the finer points to a subsequent post. See you next time.

Take care.

* Redundancy is my friend
** Where the gain of one player is offset by the loss of another player,


Middle Aged Woman said...

As a freshman, I had a terrible crush on a really cute senior. From an enormous distance.

historymike said...

I had a few unrequited loves early in high school, and I recall the pain of rejection being harsh, though I am not sure I can today recall all of the names of the girls who failed to requite my affections. This might be the fleeting nature of the unignited passions, or I may be pre-Alzheimers.

Anyways, I think that maturity helps us realize that real love takes time to develop.

Like years.

To posthumously quote John Lennon (whose relevant song was posthumously produced by Jeff Lynne):

Thought I'd been in love before,
But in my heart I wanted more
Seems like all I really was doing
Was waiting for you.

It's real love.

Jim Styro said...

MAW: (To quote Larry:) What!?

Are there other infidelities still to be revealed at this late date - in addition to your Top Five list? Beyond Blackwell and Mansour?

Mikey: (To quote the greatest living American song writer:) I've had my doubts about the ethics of the so-called "fairer sex". Fair about what?!

Your comments are both thoughtful and welcome (as always), Mike. As we mature our sense of proportion does seem to more accurately reflect reality. And we perhaps realize that the incident which made us consider slitting our wrists in the Junior year of high school was (in fact) no big deal.

Although I love the song "Real Love", I'm not sure maturity alone can account for the feeling that our current relationship is the one that our whole life has been leading up to...since our current relationship IS (by definition) the the one that our whole life has been leading up to.

I think.

Jim Styro said...

Love is not is not is not jealous...