Thursday, April 30, 2009

Acceptance speech

[These words were found hastily scribbled on a napkin from Spago's.]

I can't believe it! I just...I never thought this would happen to me. It is such an honor - even to be nominated alongside these fantastic bloggers: Captain Dumbass (oh, man - you are my hero) and Mama Dawg (she is so fantastic) and Chrisy and Suzanne and LiteralDan! They are all so talented - I hope I'm not leaving anyone out. I didn't write anything down...and I'm so just - speechless.

Of course, I want to say thank you to the Academy and all of the people who made this award possible - you know who you are! And I really just want to share this with all my fellow nominees because they are all just so...

Oh -
you mean, they all got one too? Oh. Well - isn't that nice?

I have so many people to thank - all of people that I've worked with, who've supported me for so many years. Well, to be honest - I've been doing most of this all alone in my basement, late at night. But I've really felt everyone pulling for me, you know.

And I want to thank my agent, who believed in me when nobody else did. And my parents - Mom, Dad? This is for you. And I want to thank all the little people - well, at least my kids, The Girl and The Boy. Actually, The Boy is pretty large these days. But The Girl is relatively small - and her fiancee, Liam, is even smaller. So - Thank You, little people!

But most of all, I want to thank the one person who means most to me in the whole world. The one who's stayed by me through all my fits of artistic temperament, through drug abuse and rehab and more drug abuse; who's forgiven my seemingly endless stream of infidelities; the one who's made my life worth living (oh - promised myself I wouldn't cry!) - the love of my life, my 23-year-old gold-digger girlfriend Bambi darling wife, Snoplum.

I see them telling me my time is up - please don't let the orchestra start! - I just, I have to say that this moment is the perfect moment. And I love you all - I will never forget you. I will never forget that this moment - is THE moment. The most supreme moment of my life. And thank you - I don't deserve this. But I will always cherish this award. And I will cherish zombie chickens...and all my readers. And I will never forget you. And I will never forget me. And you will never forget me. And thank you from the bottom of my tiny heart.

I love you all!

[The remainder of the note is unintelligible.]

Take care.


Middle Aged Woman said...

I'm considering the idea of a boyfriend, who also was not yet born when we got married! I had no idea Bambi was so young! I'm dumping Bronc and becoming a cougar.

Jim Styro said...

I applaud your initiative.

LiteralDan said...

You, sir, have cut me with both sides of the double-edged blade you used to strike through my name.

As a proud, long-time a-hole, I applaud your handiwork, but as a closet sissy, I have already begun shedding the 5005 gallons of tears I must stream over this.

Jim Styro said...

LD: From one proud, long-time @$$hole to another - please don't cry. In the words of Peter Wolf, "That's only gossip they're telling you down the wise-cracker line!" I love you just as much as the others. But someone had to be sacrificed to the gods of Humor - and your number came up.

If it'll make you feel better, I hearby bequeath upon you one non-transferable "Trash Styro In Public With No Fear Of Reprisals" certificate. Use it in good health.

Pamela said...


historymike said...

And to think I once wrote you off as a hackneyed, cliché-plagued government careerist who wouldn't know a simile if it morphed into a Louisville Slugger and crushed his cranium.


Jim Styro said...

Pamela: Thanks.

Mikey: I once wrote myself off for those very same reasons. Actually, other than now working for the private sector, not much has changed.
Great to hear from you.

LiteralDan said...

Thanks for the hanky, I feel a little better.

You just wait, I may save that certificate here in my pocket for a good long time. And maybe, just maybe, after I cash it in, you'll be too blown away to have reprised anything anyway.

Can you handle the anticipation?

Jim Styro said...

I think I can handle it.