Prong Buddies

[Pictured in 1981, from l. to r., Paul Joey, Paul Johnny (seated), Jim Charlie, Jim Styro (seated)]

I believe in keeping commitments. And I did promise in my very first post that, over time, I would explain the different monikers I have acquired over the years. Since the only one I have explained so far is Captain Dick, I thought it was about time to do some more divulging.

So today, I will tell you about the origins of that name by which I am most widely known - Styro (or, Jim Styro "if you're not into the whole brevity thing"*). Of course, it's impossible to tell that story without talking about my Prong Buddies - and it's appropriate that I speak of them today, since it's my BFF Jim Charlie's birthday today.**

Before high school, I did not have many friends.*** (I'm not looking for sympathy.) I wasn't a complete outcast - but I was...unpopular amongst my peers. I was tall and uncoordinated and smart and a loner - and I don't think I found other kids my age that interesting anyway. This situation persisted well into my sophomore year of high school****, when I tried out and got a part in the chorus for Bishop Borgess High School's spring musical.

Involvement with the theater crowd at my high school quickly transitioned into involvement with the competitive speech team - and soon I had friends. The core of these friendships was built around the aforementioned Prong Buddies, four guys named Jim and Jim and Paul and Paul. In retrospect, the things that we had in common were few. We were smart, we weren't afraid of public speaking, and we weren't on any sports teams. But if you had tried to find four young guys at BBHS (which, at that time, was the largest Catholic high school in the state of Michigan - with about 3,000 students) with more definite and distinctive personalities, it would have been difficult.

I haven't told you much about the Prong Buddies - but you know enough for me to finish the story. (Don't worry - if I keep this gig, you'll hear more about them. If you're interested...) The practical difficulty presented by four guys hanging out all the time with only two names to share between them is: what to call one another. Just "Jim" and "Paul" aren't enough. But we were smart boys. We decided right away to use first and middle names to provide the desired level of specificity. So...

James Charles... became Jim Charlie, and
Paul John.......... became Paul Johnny, and
Paul Joseph....... became Paul Joey, and
James Stewart... became Jim...Stueyy?

Whether you've never heard this story before - or you've known it for years - isn't it just obvious that something is wrong there? Oh, we tried to make the whole Jim Stueyy thing work. Jim Charlie concocted the whole screwy "EYY" spelling thing (Hey, "Stewie" is just as bad - if not worse) to try to make the whole thing palatable. But I think we all knew that my name was not quite right.

Then one day, we were lunching in the cafeteria when some food service supplies were being delivered - plates, cups, plastic utensils and the like. On the side of a big box of styrofoam cups, Jim Charlie saw the word STYRO emblazoned in huge red letters.

"Hey, you're Jim Styro", he said. And he was right.

I feel very lucky that Jim and Paul and Paul are still among the best friends I have. Or ever expect to have. And that I still get to see them and talk to them frequently (although I really have to stay on Groucho's ass sometimes. Sorry, that's another nickname, another story, and another post.) Not everyone gets to hang on to their friends for so long.

That makes me a lucky Styro. Hope you had a great birthday, Jim Charlie.


Take care.


*in the words of Jeffrey Lebowski.


**First off, I can hardly believe I used the abbreviation BFF (nothing says "I talk like a 15-year-old girl" quite like BFF); second, by the time you read this his birthday will be over - but you can hardly blame me for that.
***Doesn't everyone seem to say that? Aren't there any writers or artists who were extremely popular in their youth?
****By junior year, Mom was concerned enough with my seeming lack of social success to ask me if I was gay. Of course, she was unaware that I had already lost my virginity at the hands of...Damn - no wonder I haven't tried to tell this story yet. It gets complicated. I've got enough material for about 57 posts. (This is my last footnote - the rest I'm just leaving out.)

The origin of Captain Dick

My first job out of college was working with the Internal Revenue Service. I worked at the IRS for thirteen and a half years - and formed friendships that are among the closest I have (or ever expect to have). Amongst these relationships is my bond with the members of my old IRS bowling team, the Spinners.

Most of the original team is shown in the photo above ("when we were younger and the people around here wanted to make us Senators"): Chico and me (Hacker)* at the left, Bear on the right, and Sledge third from the right. (For complete information on this photo, refer to the audio portion of our program.)

Of course, every team needs a Captain - and for many years, Bear served as Captain of the Spinners. But one year, growing tired of having to attend tedious league meetings where little was accomplished, Bear and the other senior Spinners (I'm about 15 years younger than the rest of my teammates) decided to stick me with the job. This was a decision I'm sure the Bear soon came to regret.

Cut to some Thursday night in the dog days of a 35-week bowling season. The Spinners were (as usual) struggling mightily to stay out of last place. As the junior member of the team, I was often guilty of lapses in protocol involving equipment maintenance, score keeping and general bowling etiquette. After one such lapse, one of the other Spinners chanced to remark:

"Nice going, D*ckhead!"

To which I responded without an instant's hesitation:
"That's Captain D*ckhead!"

And a new name was born.

At our annual golf outing, a trophy is awarded to the golfer who has the worst score (adjusted for handicap). For many years now, that trophy has borne the inscription: Capt. D.H. Wyatt Award

'Cause that's how we roll.

Take care.

*I've always said: you just can't have too many names

"Hello, my name is..."

Jim. Most of my friends call me that. Some of them also call me Styro. Or The Protestant. And some of them call me Captain Dick.

So, you can begin to form an impression right away, perhaps, of the sort of person I am, the sort of friends I have, whether or not I suffer from some sort of split personality disorder, and so on. I'm a man of many - or at least several - names. You stick with me and in due course I'll try to explain them all.

Since this my first blog post*, I offer the information as a form of both introduction and greeting. After all names can be important; I must believe that - or else why would I have spent so much time trying to pick one for this blog!** One of my desires was to come up with a name that would reflect my intention to offer posts in both spoken and written form. I was a part of the competitive speech team at my high school - and that experience provided me confidence, a sense of achievement and friendships that remain with me still.

Maybe I just like to hear myself talk.

One of the first names I had devised for this electronic repository (that's "re-pository" - not "sup-pository") was "Blogging for the Visually Impaired". Apart from being a bit cumbersome, I feared that people doing web searches would stumble upon the blog hoping to actually find content directed towards visually-challenged individuals - and disappointing first-time visitors didn't seem like a good way to win friends and influence people. "Blogging for the Blind" was punchier and had a nice alliterative quality - but I didn't like it enough to risk offending some folks.

I may still use "Blogging for the Visually Impaired" as a title for my forthcoming one-man show - patterned after a Spalding Gray monologue. Admittedly, the idea is in its VERY early planning stages; I would use my best blog posts in fashioning a (semi-)cohesive performance piece. If I thought I could copyright an idea this vague I would. And thank you so much for reminding me it's already been done.

Anyway, I feel this first rant coming to a close. I've been thinking about starting this blog for several months now. My wife (the Middle-Aged Woman of some renown - hey, at least I waited until nearly the end to name-drop) has been blogging for the better part of a year - and I've been known to post a comment or two in self-defense. Since she asked me to guest-post in December, I've been thinking more seriously. I had thought about posting on the first day of Spring - but somehow April Fool's Day seemed more appropriate. I must be a fool to think I can find the time to do this (in a manner that satisfies me - and may be of interest to others). But if I waited to find time, I probably wouldn't do most of the things that I enjoy doing.

If you think about it - we have all the time there is. But that's another post.

Take care.



*on my very own blog

** I was shocked at how many cool URLs are in use by individuals who last posted in 2005. Perhaps some sort of URL reclamation project is in order...