RTT: "Oh what a tangled web we weave..."

When first we write so randomly.*
Or something.

- I don't get why I'm having what amounts to a writer's block whenever I sit down to write a post here lately. I don't seem to have any problem writing in general - I just seem to have a problem writing what's on my mind.

- Maybe it's time for me to work on that post idea I've had lying around for awhile - tentatively titled "The limitations of transparency" - about the decisions we all make concerning how much we want to reveal of ourselves. Not just on blogs, in life! And do the boundaries we establish make us dishonest in our dealings with other people? When does choosing not reveal something about yourself become dishonesty? (I get a few more good ideas together on that one and I'll have a new "Meaning Of Life" post...)

- This weekend, I edited down about the first half-hour of what I expect to be a great new instructional video on Chi Sao demonstrated by my good friend and teacher, Sibok Rocco Ambrose. If you live in the metropolitan Detroit area and are interested in the finest training in self-defense and martial arts around, for yourself or your children, you need to check out Ambrose Academy.

- Later this month, The Girl and The Boy will celebrate their 20th and 18th birthdays, respectively. Good God, I am old.

- So Pamela (from the dayton time) emails me today. She started reading Life of Pi on Friday - and finished the d*mn book in a day. Who the h*ll has time to read a whole 400-page book in ONE DAY? Doesn't she realize the kind of pressure that puts on me?!?!
(Pamela, it's just a joke, sweetie. I don't want to cause trouble again just because I don't know how to write stuff so that it's funny...)

- I don't feel old.

- Did I mention that it's really cool when your kids get older and they're not home all the time and you don't have to wait until they're asleep to have sex?

- I'm not advocating that anyone has to wait until their kids are asleep to have sex (but that is pretty much how the Middle-Aged Woman rolls, if you know what mean). But when one of the parties whose cooperation is essential in these pursuits generally has difficulty staying up much beyond 9 pm... I'm just sayin' - absence makes the heart grow fonder.

- Other things may grow as well.

- Have you ever noticed how underused the word "engorged" is?

- Since becoming a freelance writer, the Middle-Aged Woman has been making a lunch for me to take to work every day and preparing many fine evening meals. Tonight, she had a little mishap with some pork chops (I'm not a big pork chop fan anyway - she likes them though) - and so I had to leap into the breach and salvage dinner tonight. And, though I don't like to brag, I think it's fair to say - that I buy make a mean Crispy Strip**.

Bon appétit!

Take care.


PS: Did I mention that you are supposed to visit Keely at the Un-Mom immediately.

If not sooner.


* Apologies to Sir Walter Scott.
** "Crispy Strip" is a registered trademark of Kentucky Fried Chicken.

RTT: My Random Past

Here's some stuff I found in my Franklin Planner from 1996. To provide some content (which, of course, should be unnecessary for a bunch of random sh*t - but I'm going to do it anyway):

• The Middle-Aged Woman and I had been married for ten years.


• The Girl was 6 years old; The Boy, 4 - he started pre-school on January 9


• I had worked for the Internal Revenue Service for nearly 13 years - and didn't know that I would be changing jobs before the end of the year.

That's enough d*mn context...

Jan. 4:

MAW put The Boy is his room for misbehaving. Entering his room to serve penance, he yelled out, trying to summon venom in his high-pitched four-year-old voice, the worst epithet he could muster -

"YA BIG BUTT!!"

and slammed the bedroom door. [We still laugh regularly about that incident.]

Jan. 11:

I figure there are two kinds of talkative people: the kind where a quieter person thinks "I wish I had said that" - and the kind where a quieter person thinks "I wish he'd SHUT UP!"

You want to be the former.

March 10:

If something is "good" only because it is new, then it will likely only be good while it is new.

March 26:

If a person is not willing to do something, then it doesn't much matter whether they are able to do that thing. You must be willing to act.

May 9:

A candidate for "The Biggest Lie You Can Tell Yourself"- Nothing I do will make a difference, will make things better.

June 5: (Editor's note - I titled this one, "Useless Thought")

All of the reasons a woman can give for not having sex boil down to the same reason - she didn't want to.

July 7:

Today, The Boy road his bike without training wheels for the first time. It finally shamed The Girl into trying.

August 13:

While donating blood today, the volunteers told me that my blood is so "clean", it can be given to infants during surgery.

Sept. 6: (Editor's note - I titled this one, "A Warning")

You don't have to "try to be" what you ARE.

[For example: "I wasn't trying to be [insert quality here]." Mean, silly, good ]

What you ARE always becomes APPARENT.

Oct. 29: Eleven days after his fifth birthday, The Boy ran into the corner of a half-wall in the hallway of our house. Before he could become aware of the damage done to himself, I got a towel on The Boy's head to hide, if not stop, the bleeding. I sternly instructed The Girl to not give any impression to The Boy how badly he might be hurt* and we were off to the Emergency Room. The Boy ended up needing 4 stitches to close up the wound in his scalp. When he hair is cut short, you can still see the scar. Both The Girl and The Boy acquitted themselves admirably in this episode.

Nov. 29: My last day working for the Internal Revenue Service.

Dec. 2: My first day working for Perot Systems (my current employer)

Dec. 22:

"Daddy, why are you naked?" - a question posed by the The Girl at 7:55 am on Sunday morning.
(Editor's note: I wish I could provide some context here - but I got nothing. Maybe she walked in on the MAW and me...)

PS: And since we're talking about nudity - and I've previously mentioned my statistical tracking of sexual activity in my Franklin Planner during certain periods of my marriage - I noticed a DRAMATIC increase in activity around the time of my career change. Hey - maybe I've been going about this all WRONG...

Hope you found this "Blast from the Past" interesting.

Take care.

(Athletic) Support Groups

So, I was checking the spelling of the word, inadequacy, online recently and found a link that reminded me of a recent post by the Stiletto Mom.

I think THIS* must have been what Groucho Marx was referring to when he said:

"I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER."

[I just couldn't resist the built-in pun.]

Groucho took the words right out of my...mouth. No matter how appropriate my member-ship might be.

Take care.


* If you didn't click on this link, the post doesn't stand a chance of being funny. It may not be funny even if you do click on the link - but at least it's got a chance.

More Random Tuesday Thoughts

Pretty Random, Dr. Smith

• It is sometimes disturbing to me to dwell on the large portions of my brain's capacity that appear to be devoted to dialogue from old TV shows or song lyrics. I can only hope that, since science has established that we do not use most of our brain's awesome power, I am not actually depriving room to anything important.
  
  

• My only regret is that nowhere in the clip does the hot, green chick actually say the immortal words, "Pretty, handsome, Dr. Smith."


• As an aging male who has been married for a long time, I think I've come to grips pretty well with the decrease of sexual activity in my life.* It's easier to be happy (or, at least, not unhappy) when you can accept reality. I used to keep track of how often I had sex in my Franklin Planner - as I recall the Middle-Aged Woman (not yet MA at the time) was appalled. Anyway, I pulled out some old Franklin storage binder to look up some information completely unrelated to sex - and was confronted by the hard statistics of the past.** It was really depressing.
• I have gotten to a point where I can't force myself to stay up until 2 AM composing and recording my posts. I suspect that the previous consistency in timing of my posts will suffer over the next several days a result.


• Maybe I should have retitled this whole thing "Don't Get It Up Anymore"?


• Will they prescribe Viagra or Cialis to guys who don't have problems with erectile dysfunction? What if I just want a 4-hour erection?
  

Take care.

* I wish I could say the "come to grips" thing was intentional. Sometimes I'm convinced my best stuff is normally unintentional.
** See what I mean?

Why marriage is so hard: Jim Styro's Meaning of Life, Part Four

Was there ever an endeavor so burdened by outrageous expectation as marriage?

And I'm not even talking about sex...* (OK, I'm going to keep my focus here.)

I think people have a hard time avoiding the fantasy that they can marry someone and change them into their "dream spouse" - and assume (whether they would admit it or not) that their beloved won't develop any new undesirable qualities under their watchful eye. Often, in this scenario, one party has a plan how they can "improve" their flawed partner and transform her/him more fully into the spouse of their dreams. If you aren't married yet - and this is your plan: Please sober up before you tie the knot. The harsh reality is: the cares of life are as likely to push a relationship apart as keep it together.

I'm sure all of this sounds pretty pessismistic - certainly not very romantic. And maybe that's the point. While I think romance is wonderful**, it's not very helpful in dealing with the day-to-day reality of marriage. Marriage is hard work - and if you enter into the arrangement thinking otherwise, you are at a definite disadvantage.

Let me put it this way: Marriage vows are a declaration of love without criteria. Love for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness or health.*** (Or as I like to put it: I don't love you because you're not an @$$hole - I love you in spite of the fact that you are an @$$hole.****)

That's why marriage is so hard. Even if you can control your initial expectations for this person - that you've chosen to be closest to in the whole world - how do you deal with the changes that time and experience will inevitably bring about? Particularly when those changes are for worse rather than better, or poorer rather than richer, or sicker rather than healthier?

Here's where the fact that love is not rational, that it can't be measured or proven comes into play. These qualties - that could be a detriment in other areas of life - become a distinct advantage in marriage. Because, if one of the unique aspects of love is its willingness to put the interests of the beloved first, then it helps us to understand how to bear the times in a relationship when our expectations are not being met. We can know, at least, that our spouse is not set out to undermine our happiness - because they desire the best for us, as we do for them.

Outside all but our closest relationships, there aren't many situations where we can count on other parties being more concerned with our well-being than ourselves. Imagine having this conversation with your boss:

"Hey, Boss"

"Good morning, Valued Employee"

"Boss, I know my timing isn't very good - but the birth of another child and my wife losing her job is really putting a strain on my finances. My wife is worried sick and life at home is really making it difficult for me to do my best here in the office. You know that I've been busting my hump just to make sure I don't get laid off. Any chance that you might be able to see your way clear to get me a small raise or a bonus?"

"Well, Valued Employee, I feel your pain. Perhaps I should take a temporary pay cut and free up a little money in the budget to get you that raise. I'll have to put a little less in my 401(K) or skip eating out so often - but you need that cash more than I do."

Once you pick yourself up off the floor and your sides stop hurting, remember this: The whole scenario of seeking the best for others rather than ourselves can only be sustained if that love is reciprocated. If our love is unrequited - if one side is always giving and the other taking - the dysfunction of that situation can only be sustained until the giver has nothing left.

If you find yourself in a situation like that, whatever fantasies you may have entertained at the outset of your relationship will need to be abandoned. Even our closest relationships should be able to bear the scrutiny of dispassionate reflection.

Love can't be taken - it must be given. But love that is not returned - or love that is rejected - will turn rotten, like manna from heaven (edible for one day only). If you find yourself in that situation, my advice is: find someone who can love you back.

And if you've found someone who loves you truly: return their love in kind - and keep them close for as long as you can.


Take care.


* Although I will be following this case closely. I don't think this guy stands a chance. Maybe if the ban had latest for a quarter or something. But a week? What a p*ssy! I hardly even notice anymore until after the first week has passed.
** I don't like to make many judgements about myself that I feel are better left to others. But I am very affectionate - quite the touchy, feely guy. I don't think that necessarily comes through much in my writing - 'cause I'm also a hard@$$. But my inclination is more in the direction of Chubby Hugs.
*** You made up your own wedding vows that left open larger loopholes, it may be that none of this post applies to you.
**** A statement which I have often applied to friendship - not marriage. My wife is like Mary Poppins.

In defense of neanderthals

You may have heard this story on NPR Wednesday or maybe you saw it elsewhere on the Web (I picked this link 'cause I love the CBC - and I am trying to ingratiate myself with Capt. Dumbass* so as to bask in his reflected glory). It's a bit like a joke you might hear in a bar - "Did you hear the one about the guys who thought they could pass a law forcing their wives to put out on a regular basis?" According to the reports I have read, the law says that, in a Shiite Muslim household, the husband can demand sex with his wife every four days unless she is ill or would be harmed by intercourse.

I mean have you ever heard anything more ridiculous! Laughable really...I mean, that is like - well, OK, it's actually not quite twice a week. But still... "demanding sex" in this day and age? It seems so - unromantic. [I guess that would equate to seven times a month - maximum...] Look, how can you even think about quantifying something that is so...that should be built on mutual love, respect and desire - not some sort of unilateral demand by... [Every four days? Unless she's sick.]**

Look, let's not have a rush to judgement on this thing. Muslim (men) are people too, you know. I'm just saying: maybe we should hear these guys out is all.

[Maybe there would be a formula allowing for decreased frequency based on years of marriage.]

Sorry - must of dozed off there for a minute: As I was saying, we should burn these backward-thinking religious zealots at the stake. Or something.

Take care - of the one(s) you love.


PS: If you just need general information on getting married in Afghanistan (while you'e there on vacation or something), check this out.
* Thanks to the MAW for policing my Netiquette. Snoplum's the best.
** During this long pause, you may feel things begin to spin out of control.

RED WINGS PLAYOFF UPDATE:
Detroit vs. Columbus - Wings lead the best of seven series, 1 - 0