speaking in CAPS

Transformers 3: The Love Bug. (Part Two)

2010-05-28T06:00:00.003-04:00

[Apologies to any Internet traveller who ended up here thinking that I would have a rant regarding Michael Bay, robots, or any topic semi-related to the recent blockbuster films created based on plastic toys.]

"Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life
And I know that we can be so amazing
And, baby, your love is going to change me
And now I can see every possibility..."

-- Michael Buble, Haven't Met You Yet

So here we are, gathered around our little campfire, with the logs of Love, Transformation, Expectation, and Compatibility all ablaze. And I'm trying to balance this equation: in a loving relationship, what is the proper mix of accepting of your partner as they are, desire to transform, acceptance of oneself, and desire to be transformed.

The short answer is, of course: Whatever works! But I'm audacious enough to suppose that there is a particular view of the equation that is more inclined to work for most people. To figure that out, you need to decide how much you support the following assumptions:

- Love, by its very nature, should transform people and situations
- People in loving relationships should care as much (or more) about their partners as themselves
- Everyone has things about themselves they would like to change
- No one likes to feel that they are being forced or coerced into changing
- People are always changing - whether they realize it or not

I know this will come as a shock - but I think there is a great deal of truth in these assumptions. So how does that end up balancing the equation? I would summarize it this way:

- People should enter into loving relationships accepting their partners as they are
- People should enter into loving relationships trying to be the best they can be

I find the attitude that "My partner should accept me as who I am, no matter what" to be an excuse for bad behavior*. It seems to me that, if we want our partners to accept us for who we are, we should at least be attempting to put our best foot forward. I don't feel that it is being dishonest to "be on your best behavior".

The danger, I think, is in trying to distort our "true" selves in the hope of making ourselves attractive to a partner. I don't believe that such a performance can be sustained over the long haul. I think this type of deception (of both oneself and your partner) is distinctly different from recognizing things about yourself that you would like to change - and looking for a partner that can help you make that change.

So where does that leave our equation?

Here's my opinion: The most stable relationships will exist where partners are most accepting of each other as they are. The impetus for change should not come from one partner desiring to change the other - but a partner who desires to be changed through the love and influence of their partner over time.

After all, isn't the amazing thing that people can sustain long-term, loving relationships at all? If, as I suspect, people are changing constantly (whether they notice it or not), how is it that all couples don't eventually become estranged?

Maybe it's because their love for one another is continually transforming them.

Or something.

Take care.

PS: I won ANOTHER iPad today. No sh*t. I probably should have played the Lottery too.
PPS: I did NOT compose this post on my iPad. But it is still really cool.

*It has long been my view that bad behavior can be understood or tolerated - but not excused.

Transformers 3: The Love Bug. (Part One)

2010-05-27T06:00:00.002-04:00

(Note: I really am blogging in bed this time - and Unmitigated Me is sleeping beside me. Uneasily perhaps, given that I could always be writing about her - but sleeping nonetheless.)

I have written before about the dangers in relationships that can be caused by expectations, especially those unrealistic ones. A particular strain of this disease is the "I'll marry him/her and eventually change him/her into Mr/Mrs Right". I have criticized this approach -and it does seem to offend the modern sensibility which so readily subscribes to the idea that we should be accepted for who we are (no matter how reprehensible) and any attempts to better us are misguided.

Over the past week, I've been trying to reconcile those thoughts with another idea: if we are in a truly loving relationship with someone, shouldn't that experience change us? Shouldn't we expect to be transformed?

Think on that - and we'll talk more about it next time.

Take care.

The medium is the message

2010-05-26T06:00:00.002-04:00

I am composing this blog entry from my bed - because I can. I know what you're thinking - "Blogging in bed? That's the best he can do?" (And, clearly, the answer is "Yes".)

But the cool part is - I'm using my new iPad to do it (write the post, I mean). And before you think me a complete loser for dropping five bills on the latest gadget du jour, let me clarify. I'm using the new iPad I won in a drawing at a seminar I attended last week. Or to put it another way: I'm using my FREE iPad.

I would include a picture - but that would mean I'd have to get out of bed.

So I guess I'll just hit the Save button and get some sleep. (You'll notice that this new technology has not improved my ability to actually compose a satisfying post...)

Quality improvement is an issue for another day.

Take care.

You have all the time there is

2010-04-09T08:00:00.000-04:00

I used to think that, as time went on, the pieces of my life would fit together more closely.

Here's what I mean: I've always felt my life was highly "compartmentalized". I have a work piece, and a church piece, and a family piece (divided into my mother's side of family, my father's side of the family and my wife's family). I have friends from school, friends from my old job, friends from the martial arts school. But there isn't much overlap between the compartments.

From time to time, maybe everyone feels that their life is like that. But when you're trying to devote a meaningful part of yourself and your time to each facet - and the only common thing in the facets seems to be you - scheduling alone is a b*tch.

I imagined that, as I grew older and...wiser (Oh God, make them stop laughing - someone's going to burst a blood vessel), I would find ways to better integrate these aspects of my life. I don't imagine that anymore. I realized yesterday, as I was working a couple extra hours in the office again, that my life is just as segregated as it ever was.

I work harder when I'm working, so that I can relax more (and/or longer) when I'm relaxing. I constantly make decisions about what activity or aspect of my life will get a little less attention today, so that another part can get the attention it needs. And, although I still am rather hopelessly overcommitted, I truly have gotten better at say "No" to things and stopping activities that were not enriching. So why does it still seem such a struggle?

Here's my latest insight on that question: Because as time goes on, the things we must do always get more difficult - not less. The older you get, the more experience you have, the greater expectation there is - from others and from YOURSELF - of how much you can do and how quickly you can do it. And I believe that expectation outpaces your actual ability to deliver. Not that you can't do more things and do them better, faster, whatever - but that your abilities can't necessarily keep pace with expectations.

Let's face it - as time goes on, people don't ask you to do easier things, do they? We start with the easy stuff and (theoretically) move on to things that are more difficult and complex.

So what can we do? Well, I'm going to cut myself a little slack. 'Cause being distracted and tired never helped anybody be a better husband, or Dad, or boss, or friend.

I think that all made sense. Time to go to work.

Take care.

Belated Blogoversary: Let the yawning begin

2010-04-08T06:00:00.001-04:00

The Blogoversary for speaking in CAPS was a week ago.

I'd like to be able to tell you that I was prevented from actually posting to my blog due to the mind-numbing debauchery in which I was engaged to celebrate that auspicious occasion. But I'd be lying to you. I spent the time either watching TV or sleeping. 'Cause that's the way I roll.

Those of you who have been following my blog for a while (which seems to mainly involve waiting for me to actually post something) know that I've harbored the desire to acquire a newer, nicer television for quite some time. It arrived two weeks ago in a really big box.

It is an LG 55LH90 55-Inch HDTV that is both large and beautiful. Although I made the purchase through Amazon, the actual seller was OneCall. The company's Director of Business Development, Larry F., contacted me directly following the order to let me know that the fantasticly low price I had obtained on the TV was due to an error - but they were going to honor the price...because no one else on the planet had purchased the television during the few fleeting moments that the erroneous price was posted. I have not yet had the opportunity to watch an entire movie on my new TV - but I am looking forward to receiving my first couple of blu-ray discs from Netflix for viewing this weekend. There'll be more about the TV later - it's sure to be the focus of a majority of my free time for the next few months.

At the beginning of this hockey season, I made a bet with my friend, The Phantom, that the Detroit Red Wings would go farther in this year's Stanley Cup Playoffs than the Chicago Blackhawks. I entered into this arrangement before the Wings entered into the long, dark abyss of player injuries that became the hallmark of their 2009-2010 regular season. But in the last couple days, the team's strong play following the Olympics paid dividends - and the team has made the playoffs for the 19th consecutive year, the longest streak in professional sports. Despite the rough year, no other hockey team is relishing the idea of being matched with the Wings in the first round of the playoffs. Right now, that opponent would be...the Vancouver Canucks. Looks like Captain Dumbass and me may be on another collision course this year.

I love my children but...

I feel that it is extremely important that your grown children (mine are 20 and 18) live with you long enough to reveal, in stark detail, every one of your parenting failures; not just once - but repeatedly. This is necessary to ensure that, when they do leave home, you will not be seized with any maudlin nostalgia or regrets, but instead a wave of relief will pass over you as you consider that you will no longer have to be reminded that: your children don't remember when to flush the toilet; that they often finish the last bit of (cereal, cookies, pop tart, etc) and fail to throw away the empty box or container; that their idea of a well-balanced meal is a large saucepan filled to overflowing with macaroni and cheese or buttered pasta.

When they leave the house, you are at peace. And the rest of the world will need to deal with these issues.

At the end of this month, the Middle-Aged Woman and I are going to Vero Beach, Florida for a week. And a couple of my high school buddies have convinced me to make my first ever trip to Vegas at the beginning of June. I'm going to be the Traveling Man this year.

Let's hope I don't forget how to post to my blog.

Year Two has begun.

Take care.

Limping towards Blogoversary:T-minus 7 days and counting

2010-03-25T06:00:00.005-04:00

I'm used to being busy. I am often extremely busy - as in, busier than most people (i.e. anyone else I can think of at the moment) care for. That doesn't normally affect my ability to focus myself; in fact, oftentimes having too much to do focuses me into a living laser. But I've been rather scattered lately.

My Dad's cancer diagnosis and surgery moved things into a different realm since the last weekend of February. Not because there was so much more to do - the change was due more to that fact that I ended up spending a good deal of time away from home (which meant less time to deal with all my normal commitments) coupled with a new set of issues which occupied my mind but concerning which there was little that I could actually do (other than prayer and remaining calm).

This probably makes it sound as though I was more worried about the whole situation than I felt (on the whole). Although I had a few dark moments, I felt that things would turn out OK - and knew that maintaining my composure was the right thing to do, even if the worst should happen. I had long ago steeled myself to the fact that my father (an overweight smoker with high blood pressure) could take his leave of this mortal coil with little or no warning - so facing that real possibility wasn't something I had never considered. Still, I like the world a lot better with my Dad still in it - so I'm quite gratified that his surgery was (seemingly) so successful.

He still has chemotherapy in his near future. In the weird logic of modern medicine, once he is healed up from this major surgery, his oncologist will begin to introduce toxic chemicals into his system to attack any cancer-like cells. Let's hope that the chemicals attack the "bad cells" and leave the "good ones" relatively undisturbed.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to getting my groove back. I need some exercise. I need some sleep. I need to get prepared for Easter. I need to prepare the basement for our new TV.

And I need to write a few more decent posts before my Blogoversary.
T-minus 7 days and counting.

Take care.

RTT: Limping towards Blogoversary

2010-03-23T12:30:00.007-04:00

As of next week, I will have been doing this for a year. And when I say "doing this", I mean "having a blog" rather than "writing a blog"- cause my track record on the latter has been pretty weak since October*.

My dad has lung cancer. (If you read the Middle-Aged Woman, you probably know that already.) To be more precise (or maybe the word is "optimistic"), my dad HAD lung cancer - but the surgeons removed it - along with half of his left lung and some lymph nodes. (Hopefully Dad will cut me some slack on this egregious HIPAA violation...) He was released from the hospital yesterday - the fifth day following surgery! That was good news - but rather a surprise, since he thought he would be in the hospital for a week to ten days. I am expecting to visit him in Dayton again this coming weekend - if the Lord's willing and the creek don't rise.

I had every intention of completing my mini-reviews of the last three films viewed as part of The Plan (The Blind Side, Avatar, and The Last Station - which were all good, by the way) but as more time has passed since the Oscar telecast, I wonder if anyone is still interested. I may do it for my own strange reasons, of course - but my motivation has not been good lately.

I bought a large TV last week. (If you read the MAW, you know that already too.) I really do owe debt of gratitude to Larry at OneCall for his consideration regarding the purchase. Amazon advertised an incorrect price for the TV - and I was the only person on the planet to place an order for that item during the few minutes that the erroneous pricing was in place. Larry and OneCall could have decided to nix the sale - but they decided to honor the advertised price despite the error. Once I take delivery on the set, I plan to do a more lengthy writeup on both the TV and OneCall to point out the excellent service they provided me - despite selling the TV at a loss.

As a result of buying the new TV and a Blu-Ray player to go with it, I'm planning to give my Roku player to my dad so he can stream Netflix movies and my Major League Baseball subscription to his TV. My Blu-Ray is able to stream Netflix, so I shouldn't need the Roku anymore.

I was the master of ceremonies at a fund-raiser on Sunday for the Joy-Southfield Community Development Corporation, an organization spearheaded by my church (Second Grace United Methodist) not quite 10 years ago. One of the major initiatives of the JSCDC was establishment of a free health clinic that was originally housed in our church and later moved to a new building constructed across the street. It was a wonderful occasion - and appropriate that our event should take place that Congress finally enacted comprehensive health care legislation. Plus I bought a nice bracelet for my wife at the silent auction.

Did I mention that my TV is currently in Fridley, Minnesota?

Take care.

PS: Go visit Keely at the Un-Mom willya?!

Please? Come on - do it for me. Do it for Keely!

* I should probably go all the way back to August. But I did hit (low) double-digits for my posts in October.

The Plan: Four down...three more to go

2010-03-05T13:00:00.003-05:00

The Plan: I have decided to see these seven films before the Academy Awards broadcast on Sunday night, March 7 -

☑ An Education [I saw this one on 2/21- click the link for my review]

☐ Avatar

☐ The Blind Side

☑ Crazy Heart [I saw this one on 2/20- click the link for my review]

☐ District 9

☑ The Hurt Locker [I saw this one on 2/26- click the link for my review]

☐ The Last Station

Last night, I saw...

District 9 - (Jim Styro's mini-review)

Whoa Nellie!

Director Neill Blomkamp's first feature film is a concoction that is part "prison break", part "man-on-the-run", part "bank heist", part "concentration camp" and part "documentary" sprinkled liberally over a bed of sci-fi (including homages from everything to David Cronenberg's The Fly to The Phantom Menace to Close Encounters of the Third Kind). It's got everything - plus the kitchen sink! All this with an underlying rumination on apartheid - to be more accurate, the question: If the creature is different enough from you, is it OK to treat him (her, it) like crap?

There's a lot going on in District 9, which is both a blessing and a curse. The film hurtles you directly into a world where mankind's first encounter with an alien race occurs in Johannesburg, South Africa - which gives a whole new meaning to the term "third world". The hectic nature of the movie's opening will be hard for some viewers to take in (I kept reminding myself that I was watching a film nominated for Best Picture) - but if you like a flick that is crammed full of ideas, you won't be disappointed. The "little green men" here (OK, they're really big ugly-looking bug-things) haven't come to be take over our planet - or be our friends - they just ran out of gas on their way home. And by the time we humans get around to cutting them out of their mothership, most of them are dead or dying. As a result, Soweto gets a new ghetto, this one filled with aliens, called "District 9".

I won't even attempt to outline the plot (beyond my helpful hints in the opening paragraph). This is a messy film - in every sense of the word. But once we get inside District 9, the action does begin to draw you in for a bumpy ride. The movie does have a number of gross-out moments - but the overall effect of District 9 is so unreal that, at times, it's like watching someone else playing Halo (or some other first-person shooter video game). And the movie features a good performance by Sharlto Copley as Wikus, who goes from being the bumbling husband of the boss' daughter put in charge of an operation beyond his abilities to a man desperately trying to retain/reclaim his humanity. He also gets style points for trying to imbue the word "f*ck" with the most dramatic impact since The Big Lebowski.

If you're a sci-fi fan, you're probably gratified that the Academy has recognized District 9 with a Best Picture nomination. I don't put it in the same level with the other nominees I have seen so far - but some of that is just a matter of taste, after all.

Take care.

The Plan: Three down...four more to go

2010-03-04T06:00:00.001-05:00

"Previously on Speaking In CAPS..."

I have decided to see these seven films before the Academy Awards broadcast on Sunday night, March 7 -

☑ An Education [I saw this one on 2/21- click the link for my review]

☐ Avatar

☐ The Blind Side

☑ Crazy Heart [I saw this one on 2/20- click the link for my review]

☐ District 9

☐ The Hurt Locker

☐ The Last Station

Last Friday night, I saw...

The Hurt Locker - (Jim Styro's mini-review)

There are certain types of movies that I don't necessarily look forward to seeing: anything with scenes of extreme violence or gore, horror films, and (most) modern gangster or war films. I admit it - I'm squeamish. And I shy away from films where you can tell something bad is going to happen sooner or later (oftentimes the badness arrives early and often) and the only remaining questions are: when will it occur and how bad will it be?

But a Best Picture nomination still carries some weight with me (although not as much weight now that there are ten films nominated rather than five*), so I steeled myself in preparation for viewing The Hurt Locker, knowing that there would moments in the film that would be difficult for me to watch - but hoping that the film would be worth the trouble. As Don Henley once asked, "Are you with me so far?"

The Hurt Locker follows a three-man bomb disposal squad through the last month and a half of a year-long tour-of-duty in Iraq. Staff Sgt. James, the team leader, is a man who seems to know no fear. He works instinctively, with little regard for protocol - and loves his work in a way that even he does not understand. Sgt. Sanborn is a soldier of nearly equal experience - but he rankles at the unnecessary risks which his team leader seems to thrive upon. Specialist Eldridge is the youngest and most impressionable of the trio. Although he has known and worked with Sanborn longer, he is drawn to James' bravado and seeming invincibility. As their remaining days in Iraq dwindle down, the sense of tension mounts. How long will their luck hold out in the face of such carnage?

Director Kathryn Bigelow has crafted a film was doesn't seem crafted at all. Rather, it makes the viewer a participant and creates the sense of being present in the action, with the sense of danger and foreboding that are an everyday part of the team's work. While the movie certainly has a point of view, it does not have an overt agenda. It does not seem to judge the soldiers, the Iraqis, or even the conflict itself. The only objective is survival - in an environment that seems to make that objective an impossibility.

Although the performances in The Hurt Locker are uniformly excellent, the three leads (Jeremy Renner, Anthony Mackie and Brian Geraghty) must carry the picture - and their work together makes us believe that these very different young men comprise a team so tight-knit that we civilians can scarcely comprehend the nature of their brotherhood. The film portrays a type of warfare unique to our present day, with three men going into battle seemingly (and, in some cases, quite literally) alone. The isolation of The Hurt Locker's action stands in stark contrast to what we would expect in a World War 2 or Vietnam era film, where these exploits would feature groups of 6, 10 or a dozen men. Here, the indelible image is of one soldier walking into certain danger with only a couple of other men to watch his back.

Although it seems ludicrous to me to call The Hurt Locker an "enjoyable" film - it is a memorable movie and one well worth seeing. I won't be surprised to look back and see that this film is viewed as the iconic portrayal of the Iraq war(s) [as some might say of Apocalypse Now and Vietnam, or Saving Private Ryan and World War 2]. It's strong stuff - so be prepared.

Take care.

* It just seems like a blatant move to get more people into the theaters. I mean, were there really twice as many amazingly excellent movies made this year than last year?

RTT: Lies, all lies...

2010-03-02T12:45:00.005-05:00

Yesterday, I claimed that I would be posting a review of The Hurt Locker today. But that was clearly b*llsh*t - 'cause you can look as hard as you want and you won't find any review of that film here today.

I'm beginning to realize that, whenever I think that I'm getting caught up with all the things I need to do, it's just because I've conveniently forgotten a bunch of stuff.

I really did intend to write a review of The Hurt Locker for today. I don't want you to think that I planned all along to disappoint you. I had good intentions.

I gave blood this morning. I have O Negative blood (anyone can use it) so I'm very popular with the Red Cross (and bleeding people everywhere). I was once told that my blood is so "clean" (free from contaminants / antibodies that wouldn't be harmful to adults - but would cause problems for children) it can be given to infants.

I promise that I'm going to write a review of The Hurt Locker very soon - maybe even tonight.

I had planned to write a blog post last night - but I'm on-call this week. So I spent nearly two hours on the phone trying to help someone with remote access to our company network after they went out and purchased a new laptop with Windows 7 that wasn't being cooperative.

Did I mention that I have really good veins? For giving blood, I mean. All the Red Cross workers compliment me on my veins.

Look - I'm sorry about The Hurt Locker review thing, alright?! Give me a break!

The MAW told me last night she has a job interview of Friday (this was quite unexpected). I'm probably not supposed to mention anything about it here - because she may be writing about all that on her blog soon. But I guess it's too late 'cause I already mentioned it.

I don't have a job interview this week.

But I am planning to write a review of The Hurt Locker. In case that is of interest to you.

Take care.

PS: Go visit Keely at the Un-Mom willya?!

Please? Come on - do it for me. Do it for Keely!

In like a lamb...

2010-03-01T13:00:00.001-05:00

Well, winter is about half over where I live. Oh sure - we're having a unexpectedly nice day today.

[Please note the high temp in the 5-day forecast (in the upper right corner) vs. the current actual temperature.]

I'm going to enjoy the day - but I'm not getting my hopes up. March 31st is very likely to feature our biggest snowstorm of the year.

But MORE IMPORTANTLY: Today is my Grandmother's 99th Birthday!

I would say more - but I need to call her now and wish her a Happy Birthday.

Tomorrow: We return to "The Plan" and Jim Styro's mini-review of The Hurt Locker...and much, much more.

Take care.

The Plan: Two down...five more to go

2010-02-25T06:00:00.000-05:00

Let me explain. No...let me sum up:

I have decided to see these seven films before the Academy Awards broadcast on Sunday night, March 7 -

☐ An Education

☐ Avatar

☐ The Blind Side

☑ Crazy Heart [I saw this one Saturday night - click the link for my review]

☐ District 9

☐ The Hurt Locker

☐ The Last Station

Sunday night, I saw...

An Education - (Jim Styro's mini-review)

Do you ever have those moments when you feel that you are viewing life through a particular prism where all of the common elements in things stand out very distinctly and you see how everything seems interrelated - and its not because you're on drugs or anything - but the patterns in events and people and things just seem to blend together in a rich tapestry that seems utterly clear to you...?

Well, even if you don't - there are some common elements between the films Crazy Heart and An Education which, despite significant differences in setting, style and point of view, stand out clearly - especially when having watched the movies on back-to-back evenings. Chief among these is the notion of "Romance gone wrong" - the feeling that the relationship being portrayed cannot (perhaps, should not) last. In Crazy Heart, we see this played out primarily from the point of view of a 60+ year-old man; in An Education, our protagonist is a 16-year-old (soon to be 17) girl, Jenny. In Crazy Heart, the romantic relationship seems like it may be a last chance at redemption for our hero; in An Education, it is clearly a first love - with the potential to deliver Jenny from (what she views as) the stifling environs of 1961 Great Britain*.

The movie is filled with wonderful performances from Alfred Molina, Olivia Williams, Emma Thompson (in a small but important role) - to mention only a few - but most impressive is Carey Mulligan as Jenny. The success of the entire film rests on her ability to strike the right balance between the bliss of youthful naivete and the single-mindedness of an adolescent mind certain that she is not understood by those around her, that the future being planned for her is a trap. Her performance seems so natural that we are drawn on her emotional roller-coaster ride (or, should I say, helter skelter?). I found the movie quite moving - and this is due in large part to Mulligan's performance.

Mulligan and Peter Sarsgaard (Garden State & Kinsey), who plays David, the older man that wants to expose Jenny to the finer things in life, make an attractive couple - and the movie does a great job of capturing the look and feel of Britain and Europe in the early 60's - like Breakfast at Tiffany's set in London or Paris. But, like Crazy Heart, though you think you know where the film is going (and may even be right about its final destination) the path it takes will likely hold at least a few surprises.

I know it seems like I'm easy (though I'm not cheap) - but I have to say:
An Education is one class I think you'll be glad you sat through.

Take care.

* Setting the film in that year may have simply been staying true to the original article, written by Lynn Barber, upon which the film is based. But it seems entirely fitting - even necessary - that the story take place in a pre-Beatles England - before the Fab Four began to thaw Britain out of its post-World War 2 malaise - and give the Baby Boom its boom.

The Plan: One down...six more to go

2010-02-24T06:00:00.001-05:00

To recap: Saturday morning, I decided that I would try to see the following seven films before the Academy Awards broadcast on Sunday night, March 7.

An Education
Avatar
The Blind Side
Crazy Heart
District 9
The Hurt Locker
The Last Station

Combining these with three previously-viewed films that have been nominated for Best Picture this year (A Serious Man, Up!, and Up in the Air) would give me a tally of having viewed:

8 of the 10 Best Picture nominees, and
3 of the 5 nominees in each acting category (except Best Supporting Actor)

[Side note: I wish I could find a way to see Invictus - but it's not playing in theaters anywhere I can find - and it's not out on DVD either.]

Why do you care about any of this? ~~I don't know~~ Because I've promised to feature mini-reviews of the movies after I see them. And you ~~don't think I'm completely full of crap~~ value my opinion.

Saturday night, I watched...

Crazy Heart (Jim Styro's mini-review)

I love seeing movies without having a lot of expectations. I'm almost always pleasantly surprised. Of course, I wasn't surprised by another Oscar-worthy performance by Jeff Bridges. He's become one of my favorite actors over the years - not only delivering wonderful and varied performances - but picking great movies in which to appear. And Maggie Gyllenhaal is no slouch either (I particularly loved her in Stranger Than Fiction).

Bridges plays an chain-smoking, alcoholic country singer/songwriter, "Bad" Blake, who is past his prime and headed for an early grave. While traveling from one sorry gig to another, he grants an interview to Jean (Gyllenhaal), whose youth and unpretentious beauty pierce through the haze of his dreary, booze-soaked existence. Against her better judgement, Jean starts to fall in love with Bad (which makes the thing sound more cliched than it is, IMO) and he begins to form a bond with both her and her pre-school-aged son. For me, the movie stirred up memories of another great little movie - Tender Mercies (which earned Robert Duvall - whose appearance in Crazy Heart is almost an homage to that earlier movie - a well-deserved Oscar for Best Actor) which featured a similar cast of characters.

But, apart from a shared faith in human endurance, the similarity between the films does not run that deep. Although Bad and Jean genuinely care for each other, their relationship never feels quite right (as perhaps it should not). And Bad's nickname is well-earned - it is not clear until near the end of the film whether he can or will change his ways. Although the story feels familiar, the plot line and performances don't necessarily take you where you might expect them to go. Even so, it is a wonderful journey - with great music (Bridges sings and plays the material himself) and fine performances all around.

Crazy Heart is a film well worth seeing.

Take care.

"..it's all...part of The Plan"*

2010-02-23T06:00:00.000-05:00

I wanted to be random today - I really did. But all I've got is The Plan. I decided I needed The Plan Friday night. Saturday morning, I began to craft the details. And I will soon reveal all to you, Gentle Reader.

The Academy Awards are on March 7 this year. There are 10 films nominated for Best Picture this year (I will rant about them expanding the field from 5 to 10 films another time - I need my beauty rest). The nominees are (in an order that will become clear momentarily):

Up! (The last Pixar movie - I saw it soon after it was released)
A Serious Man (The Coen Brothers latest. I saw it soon after it was released. It does for late 60s Hebrews what "Fargo" did for Minnesotans - kind of)
Up in the Air (Jason Reitman's hot streak continues. George Clooney's too. A movie near and dear to many here in Detroit. I saw it - twice.)
Avatar (James Cameron's latest epic. It's supposed to be more that just great special effects.)
An Education (As of Saturday morning, I didn't know anything about this movie - except that it had been nominated for Best Picture)
The Blind Side (As of Saturday morning, the only three things I knew about this movie were: it had been nominated for Best Picture, Sandra Bullock was in the movie, and it had something to do with football)
District 9 (This is a sci-fi flick I've heard a little about. More importantly, I have the DVD in my possession courtesy of Netflix.)
The Hurt Locker (This is a contemporary war flick that The Boy compared with Platoon. I expect to have the DVD in my possession later today - courtesy of Netflix.
Precious (I don't know much about this film - other than the fact that it, too, has been nominated for Best Picture - and appears to star a large black woman. If the advertising is in any way accurate.)
Inglourious Basterds (Quentin Tarantino's latest. Still trying to play violence for humor, from what I've heard. That rarely works on me.)

In addition to these Best Picture nominees, there are a couple of films (Crazy Heart and The Last Station) that feature more than one performance nominated for an Academy Award.

So I decided that I needed to see seven of the nine films above prior to Oscar Night (I know there are twelve films mentioned - but remember, I've already seen three of them). I further decided that - in protest of them expanding the Best Picture field to ten films, I would NOT try to see all the nominees in that category (Precious and Inglourious Basterds are out) - but I'm going to fill in with Crazy Heart and The Last Station so that I will be well-informed regarding the acting nominees.

This weekend, I began to put The Plan into action - and I will post brief (?) reviews of the films taken in on Saturday and Sunday...just a soon as I write them. Hopefully tomorrow.

Take care.

* R.I.P. Heath Ledger

The Song Is Over

2010-02-18T06:00:00.009-05:00

"I drank for four days and four nights...

and then I fell through a window.

I was bleeding - but I was forgetting."

-- Oscar Madison (from Neil Simon's The Odd Couple)

People who are involved in theater productions - be they actors, technicians, directors, stage managers, you name it - these people are all familiar with a phenomena akin to postpartum depression.* Since being in a play is not as intense or solitary an experience as pregnancy (or so I imagine, having never been pregnant myself), the let-down afterward isn't nearly as severe - and, the sense of emptiness is eased because it is common to everyone involved. But, as with all good things that must come to end, there is still a feeling of loss, a void that must be faced.

For me, being cast as the lead in a really good play was a dream come true. And to be cast as Oscar Madison in The Odd Couple was like being able to hand-pick the dream. The play had it's original run on Broadway when I was a pre-schooler - so I can't remember a time before the archetypes of Felix Ungar and Oscar Madison existed. I grew up with the movie and the TV show. I loved these characters in the way a child can truly love a fictional character, half-expecting to perhaps meet them one day, like a favorite sports figure or a movie star.

"Of course - if you're going to kill yourself,

where's the safest place to do it?

With your friends"

-- Oscar Madison

Can't get any better than that, right? Actually, it can. The way you improve on perfection is to share your dream with good friends. So you ask one of your closest friends, a guy you've know for nearly 30 years, to audition for the role of Felix. And he gets cast in that part. And you get another friend, who you've known for about 20 years, to audition - and he gets the role of Oscar's policeman buddy, Murray. Now, since the play only has eight different roles, you've got an excellent shot at a stellar cast. After all, the director has already shown her good taste in casting the leads and one of the supporting players. But she does even better than that - she casts all eight roles flawlessly. [In the end, you even forgive the director for not casting your wife in one of the two female roles; since she ends up being even more valuable to the production by handling props, setting dressing and being the stage manager - all in one!]

"Don't say 'Alright'! I want you to promise me

you're going to try and have a good time..."

--Oscar Madison

So the (dare I say it) stage is set. But you've still got to learn the 456 lines of dialogue. You've never done anything close to that before. You've got to learn to work together with the other actors - the ones you've worked with before and the ones you haven't; some who are already your friend and others who will become a new friend. You get to take off your pants on-stage. And throw plates of fake linguini. And figure out how to rip apart bags of potato chips so they make a nice mess and open cans of beer (OK, really just Diet 7UP) so they will spray everywhere. You pick out pre-show music (from the early to mid-1960s, heavy on Henry Mancini and Frank Sinatra) to put the audience in the mood.

And then you get to perform it all in front of a bunch of people - and try to get them to laugh.

But you only get to do that six times over two weekends.

Because, eventually, you have to allow your life to revert to being just "mostly out of control" rather than "completely out of control". More's the pity. Still, it was really fun while it lasted. And there's always the chance you'll get to do it again somewhere down the road.

"How about next Friday night?
You're not going to break up the game, are you?"
--Oscar Madison

Tuesday night, four of us got together to strike the set. We removed all of the remaining props and costumes from backstage, we loaded all the furniture that had been loaned for performances into the back of the MAW's Pacifica and delivered each piece back to the owners. We removed every trace of Oscar Madison's apartment from that stage.

I got home and turned on Turner Classic Movies in time to see the end of Billy Wilder's Some Like It Hot. Then they did a nice segment on Sidney Poitier. I should have been writing a blog post or balancing the check book. Or sleeping.

But The Odd Couple came on. I watched the whole thing. Again.

Take care.

* If you've ever really suffered from postpartum depression, cut me some slack.
I did say "akin", not "just like".

RTT: "Back from the Dead" Edition

2010-02-16T06:00:00.008-05:00

Waiting a month and a half between posts really provides a lot of material. I should have enough stuff saved up to post every day for...a month and a half (I guess). Don't hold your breath on that one.

The last of our six performances of The Odd Couple took place Sunday afternoon. It was great fun and I will miss the opportunity to perform with and for friends. The cast party at our house following the show was cool too. I wish you coulda been there.

The MAW gave me a birthday/anniversary present on Jan. 21. She found a source who provided a 5-DVD set of the short-lived TV series, Frank's Place. My favorite episode was a 22-minute reimagining of Death of A Salesman. I have a special prize for anyone who remembers the month/day of my birth and my marriage (the usual disclaimers for family members, etc. apply to this contest).

Almost exactly one month before opening night of The Odd Couple, I was diagnosed with bronchitis. "No sweat", thought I. "I've got a month to kick this thing." Two 10-day courses of antibiotics later, I had kicked it. Then, less than five days before opening night, I got the stomach flu. Because being the lead in a play isn't exciting enough all on its own.

I resigned as President of the Motor City Youth Theatre Board recently. It really makes the MAW happy when I quit stuff. She would have me believe that my doing less would result in more sex - but I don't think she can back up that claim. ("Back up" that claim - did I really write that?!)

I wish you could have seen what fantastic work the MAW did with props and set dressing for The Odd Couple. In fact, I will make sure that you do see it - once I get a hold of some of the pictures from the show (there are literally hundreds on Shutterfly). The stamina and tenacity she exhibited made me proud.

I saw the film, Up In The Air, twice in January. I'm rooting for it to win the Best Picture Oscar this year.

The role of Oscar Madison has 456 lines in The Odd Couple (lines could be anything from a couple of words to a paragraph long monologue). The play has three acts (although we performed it as two) and lasts about two hours. Oscar is on-stage for all but about 5 minutes of that time. I'd rather play Oscar Madison again than Hamlet (wait - I've never played Hamlet; I'd still rather play Oscar again).

I enjoy being busy - but the thought occurred to me tonight (for the first time ever) that part of my desire to be busy is so I don't have to think about the things in my life over which I have no control. And having both an acute and (I believe) realistic view of the things over which I have no control doesn't make things any easier.

It's not much of a post - but hopefully it'll do until something better comes along.

Take care.

PS: Go visit Keely at the Un-Mom willya?!

Tell her you were honoring the request of Jim Styro - actor, eater, blogger.

My Favorite Carol

2009-12-26T11:25:00.000-05:00

When I was growing up, there was one Christmas album that was a favorite of the entire family: "Tennessee" Ernie Ford's The Star Carol. The production may seem a bit overblown to twenty-first century ears - a full orchestra, large choir and the rich tone of Ford's powerful bass voice - but you can hear the vastness of the soundstage where the music was performed and the thrill of live performance in the recording studio (no overdubs here, baby!).

The record (which is no longer in print as a compact disc - but available for purchase as a download) features three carols composed by Alfred S. Burt and Wilha Hutson. Burt was a little-known jazz musician (and Michgan native, I will note proudly) who died in 1954 at the age of 33; Hutson was the organist at the Burt family's church. My favorite of these has always been Some Children See Him, a carol which speaks of Christ's appeal to people everywhere - and how love can transcend all the things that separate people. [Sure, that's just my interpretation - but I'll stand by it.]

I have combined my love for the song with a long-standing desire to diagram the lyrics of a song (ever since Capt. Dumbass posted this). I have included a couple of snippets from the song in my audio post - so be sure to have a listen. I hope you enjoy it.

[Click on the picture to enlarge.]

Happy Boxing Day!

Take care.

The Velveteen Tree

2009-12-24T06:00:00.018-05:00

There was once a "velveteen" tree, and in the beginning - though it was a nice tree, with a sturdy trunk of wood, textured to appear like the bark of a real tree, and branches that would fold up if the tree was inverted or laid on its side - it didn't seem like anything special. The man and the woman that bought the tree thought they were being practical. Real trees were getting more and more expensive - and it was such a bother to deal with fallen evergreen needles or worry about the dry branches catching fire some night while the couple was not at home. Besides, it seemed a waste to buy a tree that had, until recently, been a living thing - and then slowly watch it die.

So they bought a "fake" tree; but nearly everyone who saw the tree - its branches draped with lights and garland, hung with ornaments and candy canes, and topped with a beautiful angel - thought that it was real. The couple agreed that it was a fine tree - but it was not real to them. For a while, the "velveteen" tree was only used for those Christmases when the couple would be traveling out of town during the holidays. If they planned to be home for Christmas, they would buy a real tree - and the "velveteen" tree would remain another long year alone in its box, stuck in the basement or the garage. After a few years, the couple stopped buying real trees altogether and the "velveteen" tree was used exclusively. As time passed, those who saw the tree continued to remark about how real it appeared.

The couple had a daughter and then a son. As the years came and went, the children began to hang their expectations on the tree, like so many pieces of glittering tinsel - and often found their wishes fulfilled by the boxes and bags found underneath its branches on Christmas morning. The tree was ever-present in the family's holiday rituals: decorating, photos for the Christmas card, opening gifts. Where once only mother and father could hang ornaments on the highest branches or place the angel on top of the tree, now the boy could reach those spots most easily.

And so, after many years, the "velveteen" tree became real - rooted by the hopes and dreams of the children, watered by the patient care and affection of the mother. The tree was like a part of the family each Christmas - although no one had spoken a word about it. The father didn't seem to notice what had happened. In a way, it was strange that the news would be so tardy in coming to him; for he often spent time alone with the tree, late at night when everyone else was asleep, putting gifts in place, a hymn playing quietly, the only light in the room twinkling from the tiny colored bulbs on its branches.

But on one particular night, as he sat alone and looked at the tree, he realized it was true. There was no longer anything "fake" about the tree. It was a real and faithful friend - a part of Christmas that he could count on, that wouldn't let him down. Each branch was hung with ornaments of memory, not just glass or metal or wood - memories of his in-laws, his goddaughter, his children. Each string of lights or strand of garland was a cord that helped to bind together his family and friends, with a bond of shared experience, expectation and love. He remembered again that everyone, in large measure, decides what is real for themselves - so why not decide that life is really...good.

Christmas comes whether or not we are ready for it.
Get real - and don't let it pass you by.

Take care.

In support and thanks

2009-12-19T18:00:00.001-05:00

While getting ready to have dinner with friends, I saw a news blurb at Yahoo.

Then I sent this email to Senator Ben Nelson of Nebraska:

Senator Nelson:

If recent news reports are correct, your decision to support the health care legislation currently before the Senate will clear the way for its passage. While neither of us may view the bill as a perfect piece of legislation, I believe that it will help many Americans and be, on the whole, a step forward in making care available for everyone in this country. I am sure that you will receive much correspondence in the wake of this decision, both positive and negative. I hope that, whatever the reaction, you will remain firm in your decision.

It is often difficult to know what is "the best thing to do" - but I think it is clear that something must be done. Thank you for having the courage to help ensure that something will be done.

Take care.

Blogging Blackmail

2009-12-14T06:00:00.006-05:00

So while cleaning ~~up stuff I leave lying around~~ the house recently, ~~my old lady~~ my lovely wife, the Middle-Aged Woman, came across an antique Father's Day card that the Boy (at the time of the card's creation not yet twelve years old) made for me.

Ah, yes! There's nothing quite like the lechery of an eleven-year-old...

I find the old card on my desk the other morning - where she's left it to pique my interest. And when she sees me, the first words out of her mouth are:

"So, did you see that Father's Day card I found? 'Cause if you're not going to blog about it, I AM."

[Don't worry - if you click on the picture, you can see it nice and big.]

Right - like she doesn't have enough time and material to blog about her own stuff without ripping me off!

So I promised myself that I wouldn't do any blogging until all my employees year-end reviews are done (which they are not). But threatened with ~~the treacherous wench's~~ this blackmail, I have relented momentarily.

Let's hope nothing else ~~good~~ blog-worthy happens until my reviews are done.

Take care.

PS: Miller Lite? ICK!

RTT: Blogus Interruptus

2009-12-01T06:00:00.000-05:00

Work is really starting to get in the way of my blogging. I have some of my best ideas in the morning, when I've got to prepare myself for gainful employment. Do you realize how difficult it is to type and brush your teeth at the same time? I've thought about using my little digital voice recorder in the car on my way to the office - but it just seems like an unhealthy amount of distraction while operating heavy machinery.

Sleep is really starting to get in the way of my blogging. Oh how well I remember those golden days when I would stay up until 1 or 2 (or later) in the morning finishing off a post. With the sun going down so early, it's getting harder and harder to convince my body that 10:30 pm isn't way past my bedtime. And I must confess - I do love to sleep. After sex and eating (they constantly vie for supremacy), sleep is about my favorite thing.

Theater is really starting to get in the way of my blogging. I might have been able to hack preparing for just one play - but when the Middle-Aged Woman decided she wanted to participate in the Christmas play, my priorities got thrown out of whack. I thought it would be nice to do some theater together for once. But having rehearsal two days a week really starts to eat away at your leisure time.

Reading is really starting to get in the way of my blogging. After getting through a torrid run of He Read/She Read posts in late October & early November, I had to take a reading break to make sure I could devote attention to memorizing my lines for The Odd Couple. But in the last couple weeks, I polished off Cormac McCarthy's The Road and started Jasper Fforde's The Eyre Affair. All this, when I'm really supposed to be reading Neil Gaiman's Good Omens. I promise I'll try to acquire the book this week, Amy - I swear!

30Rock is really starting to get in the way of my blogging. Not that I'm planning my week around a TV show. Nosiree, it's far more serious than that. With my Roku player's ability to stream films and TV shows from my Netflix account, I can watch the entire first three seasons of 30Rock whenever I want. Of course, that has too frequently been in groups of 4 or 6 or 10 episodes at a time. For those of you who have (like me, until recently) never checked this show out - you owe yourself the chuckles. Just keep in mind that I take no responsibility for any addictive behaviors that may result from following this suggestion. But all the cool kids are doing it.

The holidays are really starting to get in the way of my blogging. Who wants to spend a lot of time writing when there is pie to be eaten?

Life is really starting to get in the way of my blogging. But I noticed that my number of followers has actually increased over the last couple weeks when I have posted ABSOLUTELY NOTHING - so maybe my whole concept of what attracts people to this blog is wrong.

I guess, in my little "Field of Dreams", if you ignore them, they will come.

Take care.

PS: Go visit Keely at the Un-Mom willya?!

Don't make me tell you again!

RTT: The only living boy in New York

2009-11-17T06:00:00.007-05:00

Jim, get your plane right on time
It's just your job that's on the line
Fly down to Madiso...o-e-o...o-e-On
(and on and on and on and)
Here I am
The only IT guy in New York...

New York City has been a dominant element in my life of late. It seems that when I'm not there, I'm trying to fix something that's gone wrong there. And when I am there, I'm working my @$$ off - until midnight or 1-2 in the morning. And if I'm not doing either of those things, I'm trying to make changes that will prevent Option 1 or Option 2 from happening.

People in Manhattan do behave as though they believe the world revolves around them. I know we all struggle with self-centeredness to some extent - but it often seems as though the people on that little island ("off the coast of America" as Spalding Gray once said) have given up the struggle. They live with the permanent delusion that they are more important than everyone else. Maybe it's just the cost of living.

The problems seemed to start when we blew the circuit in the server room. That was just before I made a scheduled trip to New York at the end of September - to finish upgrade of their connection to the company network. While I was in NY, we met with an electrical contractor and solicited a proposal for them to install a second circuit in the room. Of course, before the work could be completed, there were more power problems and more downtime. More people p*ssed off at the IT Dept. Finally, by the end of October, those problems were resolved. Or so we thought.

Keep in mind: On Wednesday, November 4, the New York Yankees played Game 6 of the World Series in the Bronx. They beat the Phillies that night to win their 27 World Series Title.

November came "in like a lion". On Tuesday night, there was another power problem in the server room. Then, overnight, the network connection (which we had just been installed a month before) went down. And Wednesday morning, power went out again to half the server room. By noon, my flight had been booked to LaGuardia. I didn't even argue. A goat needed to be scaped - and I was feeling mighty goaty.

You know how when you're really tired and in unfamiliar territory, things can seem quite surreal? How's this for surreal?

By 11:30 pm Wednesday night, when I left the office I had worked (including travel; I can't sleep on a plane) about 18 hours. My only meal for the day had been Burger King at the airport before my plane left. The hotel that the office had booked me into had no rooms - so they in turn have set me up in another hotel - a $10 cab ride from the office. The desk clerk has warned me that the place doesn't look like a hotel from the outside (truer word were never spoken). The cab drops me off on 58th Street near 9th Avenue.

There are all these 20-something hipsters milling around on the street as I drag my 40-something self and luggage into the entrance. It doesn't look anything more like a hotel inside either - and the techno is booming from somewhere above me. I get on a long, steep escalator with lime green lighting all the way up to the next floor - and the closer we get to the top, the more sure I am that I have dragged my luggage into a dance club.

But no! When we reach the top, I see it - across the dim floor - music pounding, people dancing on the opposite side of the room, youngsters everywhere with drinks in hand - the check-in desk!

On Thursday, I only worked about 16 hours - but there was no travel involved and I ate lunch at my desk (leftovers from a lunch meeting of some big-shots in the Board room). The only diversion was dinner at a little Brazilian restaurant around the corner from the office - where I read news reports about the Fort Hood shootings on my BlackBerry.

When you're paying almost $500 a night for your hotel room, is it wrong to be a little concerned when the door looks like it was last opened with a crowbar?

By the time I flew home Friday, the power situation had been resolved - by replacing the ORIGINAL circuit in the server room. So we ended up with two brand new circuits in that room. And the power has been stable there ever since.

But the new network connection had problems on Monday and again Wednesday last week. Somebody else can make THAT trip to New York.

Take care.

PS: Go visit Keely at the Un-Mom willya?!

How many times to do I have to keep saying it?!

Friends in Need

2009-11-11T06:00:00.003-05:00

Today would have been Maddie Spohr's second birthday.
My lovely wife, the Middle-Aged Woman, wrote the tribute below.
If you have the means, please consider making a donation to help families with at-risk infants.
**************************************************************
I don't think there are too many people reading this who didn't have their heart broken on April 7th of this year. That's the day we learned that Madeline Alice Spohr, whom we all knew as Maddie from The Spohrs Are Multiplying, was suddenly taken from her parents, Heather and Mike, when a respiratory infection coupled with a collapsed lung was more than her 17-month-old body could fight. Thousands of people across the country mourned with Heather and Mike, and thousands came to their support by donating to the March of Dimes in Maddie's memory.

Since then, the Spohrs, along with family and friends, have created Friends of Maddie, a fund dedicated to supporting families of critically ill or prematurely-born infants during their stay in the Neo-Natal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) with supplies, help finding temporary lodging (because the NICU isn't always within commuting distance of home), and by creating a network of support.

Friends of Maddie uses your donation to put together Support Packs for families who find themselves overwhelmed with the care of an at-risk newborn. The packs include items such as reusable water bottles, snack bars, tissues, mints, and most importantly, a tri-fold binder with a note pad and accordion file to keep track of paperwork.

"We're hopeful it will make it at a little easier for parents to keep track of everything," Heather says."You get SO many papers, business cards, etc., every day, and it's hard to keep track of everything."

She should know, she lived the experience. Maddie's sixty-eight-day stay in the NICU is chronicled on Heather's blog and her husband Mike's blog as well. Readers across the country followed every setback and every victory. What message would she like to pass on to parents in the same situation?

"Patience. Take things a day at a time and live in the moment. Don't look down the road or things will get REALLY scary and overwhelming," shared Heather.

The reaction to the packs has been terrific, according to Heather, "We've been getting a FANTASTIC response from everyone! We weren't expecting such a big response so we are really behind in getting back to everyone, but it's a good problem to have!"

By now, you are all wondering how you can help, right? I knew it. You people rock. Your options: Donate! I know, the economy is bad right now, but every little bit helps. Or...
Let your local NICU know about Friends of Maddie, or...
Do you work for a company that might bring a valuable service to NICU parents? Contact FoM! Or...
Just spread the word! Write a blog post! Send out a tweet! Y'all know how this works!

Mike and Heather's loss is unimaginable. In spite of their grief, they have found a way to pay forward all the love poured out from thousands of hearts across the Internet. Tell your friends about Friends of Maddie.
**************************************************************
Take care.

"Stop everything - I think I hear the President..."*

2009-11-06T17:00:00.005-05:00

I am not very politically-minded. I normally vote Democratic. I'm not conservative - because I don't have anything to conserve. I'm not very liberal either really. I'm like a Bill Clinton fiscal conservative/social liberal Democrat crossed with a pre-Palin John McCain Republican. (I don't even know enough about politics to be sure that last statement is even ACCURATE. And all this is far more background information that is necessary for this post.)

Anyway, after Fort Hood yesterday and the Orlando engineer "going postal" today, I think the President needs to get on the tube and try to talk this country off the ledge. I know my idea is a little over the top - but clearly some of us, maybe a lot of us, need a time-out; and the President may just be smart and articulate enough to pull it off.

After eight years of a guy who could barely read the teleprompter telling us the enemies were all "out there" or "over there", we've been reminded again what bullsh*t that all is/was. It was so easy to forget about Oklahoma City or Columbine after the World Trade Center. But we have once again met our worst enemy - "and he is us" as Walt Kelly so aptly put it.

I know it's risky business asking the Commander-in-Chief to become the Psychiatrist-in-Chief or the Preacher-in-Chief. But, after all - who's your Daddy? And clearly some us need Daddy to chill us out, big time. I personally would also suggest prayer, and lots of it. But maybe you're not into that. Then go give somebody a hug or something.

If you can't be happy yourself (and God knows it is plenty difficult sometimes) then at least have the decency not to spread your unhappiness around with bullets. Why can't these gun-toting idiots be seized with the desire to commit suicide instead of teenagers who got dumped by a girl/boyfriend or just had a bad day and can't see beyond it?

C'mon, Mr. President - talk to me.

Take care.

*Apolgies to Joe Jackson

Tits!

2009-11-04T06:00:00.001-05:00

Well, it wasn't a complete lie.

I didn't say they were nice-looking ones.

[I feel so cheap right now. How will I debase myself next?]

Anyway - the action is all at He Read/She Read.

RTT: She got me the "Fatty" pants

2009-11-03T06:00:00.005-05:00

- My lovely wife (the Middle-Aged Woman) has a pretty open schedule lately, so she took pity on me and went shopping. For me. You see, all but one of the 4 pairs of pants that I wear to work had...problems. The ravages of age and excessive wear had taken their toll, so she went in search of a bargain on some new pants for me (this being an unbudgeted expense and all). And she was wildly successful! I think she found 4 pairs for about $80.

There was just one catch: two of them were "Fatty" pants.

You know, the kind where the waistband of the pants has some "give" to it. But these two pair don't just have an "elas-ticky" waistband - there seem to be different panels of fabric at the waist that will adjust based on just how fat you happen to be. These are pants that will make getting fat easier - by quickly adjusting to any new girth, so there is no warning sign of your trousers getting snug. (The b*stards!) What will these fiends think of next?!

- Little chocolate donuts are just delicious. I think a new food group should be created just for them. I would call it the "So d@mn delicious if you eat the last one I'll kick your @$" food group.

- Do you think I should be concerned that wife is reading a book titled "Marrying George Clooney"?

- I don't know why, but sometime in the last couple weeks, the MAW stopped putting my sandwiches into plastic sandwich bags and started wrapping them in waxed paper. I wonder if she's taken a principled stand against sandwich bags. If so, I probably need to tell her that the wax paper seems to create a larger amount of waste than the sandwich bags.

- Maybe my sandwiches are just too big to fit in the bags. Maybe she thinks I'm eating too much.

- Maybe the whole "Fatty" pants thing is supposed to send me a message: "Hey, Fatso!! Why don't you just stop scarfing down all the little chocolate donuts!!!"

- Do you ever just scare yourself sometimes. Happened to me.

- Just now.

- I have a $200 cell phone bill this month. Why is my cell phone bill $200 this month?

- Do you think these pants make me look...insane?

Take care.

PS: Did I mention that you are supposed to visit Keely at the Un-Mom immediately.

If not sooner.

PPS: Don't forget to visit He Read/She Read tomorrow and check out the reviews of Yann Martel's Life of Pi by the delightful Pamela (from the dayton time) and Yours Truly (from right herely) . You won't want to miss that!

The Death of Curiosity: Jim Styro's Meaning of Life, Part Fourteen

2009-11-02T06:00:00.004-05:00

The thought occurred to me recently - that I am no longer as curious as I used to be.

I could probably come up with a lot of reasons why that has come to pass. I'm older, I know more, so there's less to be curious about. I'm older, so there's more things I don't want to know (like what are my daughter and her fiance doing during their sleepovers? Hell, I know damn well what they're doing! The same thing I was doing with my fiance 30 years ago.) I'm confronted with so much information from modern media that my mind is occupied with absorbing the information already bombarding me - not seeking out more stuff to try to absorb.

These reasons all have varying degrees of validity - but I don't think they tell the real story. (The "I know more" one is particularly weak, since the amount of "What I know" as a percentage of "What there is to be known" hasn't even caused the Knowledge-O-Meter to jiggle during my entire stay on this planet...) The biggest reason why I'm not very curious anymore is:
I'm just too damn busy to be curious.

You've heard of "idle curiosity"? People use the phrase like it's a bad thing - but I'm not so sure. In any case, I'm pretty sure a prerequisite for idle curiosity is...being idle. If your time and your mind are constantly occupied with "what is going on right now", there's little or no room for curiosity to creep in.

Which, in and of itself, wouldn't be a cause of concern - I mean, who cares whether or not Jim Styro is curious. But I think we're ALL getting too busy to be curious. And I think that general phenomenon could be more of a problem.

Consider for a moment the sort of situations in which your mind seems to work best, is the most open and creative. Is it when there is a flood of information, sensation or ideas being thrown at you? Is it when you are bearing down, highly focused, intent on an objective? Is it when you let go, relax your mind and let it wander for a minute or two in a happy place? Ask yourself: When you can't remember something, when something is on the tip of your tongue but you can't quite come up with it - and it's bugging you - what do you do?)

Like most things, I think the mind benefits from some variety - but I fear that our culture and lifestyles don't permit as much as we need. It's not that we don't like to think at all (although that is a problem that deserves a separate examination) - but even when we do, it tends to be reactive, frantic and...directed. This last point, I think, is particularly harmful to the curious nature. Because I think we tend to confuse the "pursuit of knowledge" with curiosity.

"The pursuit of knowledge" is noble and useful - but it is most often done with a particular objective (or worse, a conclusion) in mind. When I worked for the federal government, my friends and I there had a humorous motto that we intended to have printed on T-shirts.

It said:

If you know the answer, you don't have to think

A saying both funny and true - but dangerous to thinkers everywhere. In our haste - to make money, to be first, to not "waste time" - we have dismissed the importance of idle curiosity. And if we do that, if we stop letting our minds wander where they will go, we risk not only missing the inspiration that we may find from the wandering - but our minds may forget how to wander.

I say we need to start exercising our curiosity muscles - before they atrophy.

Take care.

PS: Lest you think that I hadn't noticed, my lovely wife, the Middle-Aged Woman, has partnered up with Captain Dumbass (my hero - or is he now my rival?) to bring you
the Zombie News Network!

Don't miss it - or heads will roll.

That's why I love mankind (revisited)*

2009-10-28T06:00:00.005-04:00

[REMINDER: You must get over to He Read/She Read immediately - to see the special Halloween Horror post by Captain Dumbass and the Middle-Aged Woman.]

Yesterday Kat (from 3 Bedroom Bungalow to Let in Crazytown - which is just a kick-@$$ name for I blog, I might add) left a cool comment about my RTT post, that said:

I think God should send everyone a letter that says.

Dear (insert name here),

I love you, even when you screw up.

-God

I like Kat's idea - but after thinking about it for awhile, I remembered...

God did send a letter like that - it just got hidden in the WRONG VERSION of the Bible.

As I remember it, the letter read something like this...

I do love you - even when you screw up.
You can see that it's true - because when the time came for someone to be punished for the things you messed up, I came myself -
and let a part of me be sacrificed on your behalf.
And not just you - for everyone who ever screwed up.
So if I loved you that much, shouldn't you try to love each other?
Remember: I loved you before you loved me.

[If you object to my free translation/interpretation of Romans 5:8, I John 4:10-11 & I John 4:19, send me an email and I will gladly discuss it further.]

Take care.

Now get over to He Read/She Read! Quickly!!
I hear that the Middle-Aged Woman is even giving away a prize to some lucky winner at Unmitigated.
Why are you even still here reading?!?!

*I was going to say "Apologies to Randy Newman" - but I ain't apologizing. (I love Randy BTW - but not that song particularly.)

RTT: ...all sorts of ideas about religion and pinup girls

2009-10-27T06:00:00.010-04:00

- Saturday night, my lovely wife (the Middle-Aged Woman) and I, The Girl and her Fi-ance, and The Boy, went out to the International House of Pancakes for Ms. Partly Cloudy's 20th Birthday dinner. (Hey, I'm not cheap! IHOP was her choice.) In the midst of our dinner conversation, it was revealed that, as a child, the Fi-ance had mistaken some of the lyrics to the old children's song, Kookaburra - and granted Christ-figure status to the bird. See for yourself:

Kookaburra sits on the old gum tree
Merry merry king of the bush is he
Laugh Kookaburra, laugh Kookaburra
Gave your life for me

It took a long time for the MAW to stop giggling about that one. I, for one, respect a young man who's willing to make this sort of (hilarious) admission in front of his likely future parents-in-law.

- My uncle and I got on the road early Sunday morning and drove 200 miles to visit my Grandma (his mother) for the day. While we were there, the extremely nice neighbor-lady that looks after my Grandma gave me this:

That's right, folks! At the age of 98, my grandmother has become...A PINUP GIRL.

And if the pinup weren't enough, she has also brazenly appeared in a brochure promoting charitable giving for the United Way.

During our visit, I was able to convince the Pinup Girl to go out for lunch (quite an unexpected development - my Grandma has been extremely reticent about eating in public since she had a stroke several years ago) - and it was no surprise that the restaurant quickly filled up with other patrons. The casual observer might have thought it was just the usual influx of business after Sunday church services. But I know better. Though the hordes were clearly being attracted like moths to the Pinup Girl's flame, thankfully, they were all well-mannered enough not to bother her with autograph requests during our meal.

- Yesterday, the MAW posted about some people of an unusually zealous religious persuasion* who apparently burn different translations of the Bible which they believe do not represent the true Word of God. The MAW referred to these as "the WRONG VERSIONS of the bible." I found this "wrong versions" idea so striking, that I began to imagine God herself doing a commercial for "the RIGHT VERSION" of the Bible...

Hi, I'm God.

You know - Jehovah, I-Am-Who-Am. Allah, The Creator, The Big Guy Upstairs...

Well, whatever name you call me, I've got the whole world in my hands. And let me tell you - sometimes I look down at what I've got in my hands and it can be mighty disappointing. People say I don't exist -or that, even if I do, I don't care about what's going on down there. But the truth is: it's not easy to watch the stuff you created get trashed every day. Or hear people misquoting, misinterpreting or downright lying about you. And sometimes the biggest lies come from the ones who make the grandest claims to be representing your interests!

But I've come up with something I hope will clear up all the confusion.

I call it: God's RIGHT VERSION of the Bible. Some of you who are big fans of your current version of the Bible may be a little disappointed in the brevity of this new version - and I admit, it does leave out a lot of the beauty and majesty of the original. But what it lacks in pomp and pageantry, I think it makes up for in clarity and readability.

For those of you who'd like to sneak a peek at the new and improved
God's RIGHT VERSION of the Bible, you should check out any of the following passages in your current Bible:
Matthew 22:37-40; Mark 12:29-31; Luke 10:27; or John 13:34.

So look for God's RIGHT VERSION - and accept no substitutes.
Remember: I've got my eye on you.

- DON'T FORGET: Captain Dumbass and the Middle-Aged Woman review Pride and Prejudice and Zombies at He Read/She Read tomorrow. So get in the Halloween spirit and go there without fail. If you don't...well, have you ever seen the damage a p*ssed-off zombie can do?

Take care.

PS: Did I mention that you are supposed to visit Keely at the Un-Mom immediately.

If not sooner.

*I try to avoid referring to people with whom I disagree as crazy-@$$ MoFos - no matter how crazy they seem to be

(Still) My Masterpieces

2009-10-22T12:00:00.001-04:00

(Jim Styro's Greatest Hits)

[I am reposting this in honor of The Boy's 18th (this past Sunday) and The Girl's 20th (today) birthdays. I haven't figured out any better way to say it since June - so sue me.]

Yesterday was The Boy's graduation party. I took the day off on Friday to relax and work on party preparation; so my son and I were home together for most of the day. In the early part of the afternoon, we had a conversation (OK, it's true - I did most of the talking) and I told The Boy this:

When I was growing up - a teenager like The Boy is now, and even earlier - I wanted to be rich and famous. I figured that I would be an actor, an author, a singer/songwriter - or at least a disc jockey (I assumed ascending to that low rung of the celebrity ladder would be the worst I could do!). I would make my way in the world with my creativity - and people would know my name.

But I also wanted marriage and a family. I didn't think of these desires for fame and starting a family as being at cross purposes - but, of course, they are. And as I matured, it became an easy decision to set aside my dreams of glory in order to give my best to the reality of my wife and children. I didn't view it as a sacrifice. Just a decision - that what was most important in my life was the people I loved, the people around me - not the opportunity to be loved anonymously by the thousands (or the millions) I would never know.

Out of that decision, of course, many more arose. Some out of practical necessity, others of opportunity, others of convenience or habit. How could I best provide for my family? What sort of work could I do that would suit my personal preferences while being lucrative enough, stable enough to plan for the future. Who would hire me? How could I best ensure a steady stream of income for myself and my family?

And in this process, I began to learn my lines as husband and father, I composed emails rather than songs, wrote project plans instead of story outlines, did my DJ-ing by creating mix tapes rather spinning records during the afternoon drive-time shift. These were not sacrifices - I made decisions based on what was most important to me.

The reward for my decisions is greater, I believe, than any film I might have made, or book that I might have written, or album that I might have released.
My children are my masterpieces.
They are bright and beautiful and loving. They're not perfect - they're still works in progress - but they are good. And even God herself, when She created the world, didn't claim much more than that.

When I compare myself at seventeen to my son, he seems quite young. Much younger than I was at that age. I think my children have been blessed to be able BE KIDS for longer than seems the norm these days. And I'm grateful for that. I told The Boy that he might not appreciate that fact now - but later in life, he may better understand and appreciate it.

I wanted my son (and my daughter) to know all that. The Boy's graduation from high school is like a sign post on The Highway; my children's lives have moved into a new construction zone. Most (if not all) of the basic work is complete. The road has been paved, the cement is nearly dry. There may be occasional lane closures from time to time for repair - but my work on the project is all but over.

Oh, I may be able to offer a suggestion on where to place the street lights - or establishing the speed limit...if I'm asked. But I'll try not to feel badly if I'm not consulted. I know there will be times when my input will not be desired - or needed. If I've done my work well, they won't need me much anyway - and they'll know when they do - and they won't be afraid to ask.

Anyway, that's what I shared with The Boy on Friday. Where the road goes from here is mostly up to him. I told my son that I didn't think he ought to do (or not do) things in his life to make his parents proud of him. Making a parent proud seems to me to be an undue burden to place on a child. I told him he should find out what makes him happy, what will allow him to be self-sufficient, how he can be a responsible member of the community in which he lives - and do those things.

That would be more than enough, I think, to make any parent proud. Don't you?

Take care.

Even more about breasts and how great they are

2009-10-21T06:00:00.002-04:00

I apologize right off the bat for lying in today's post title - but I really wanted to get your attention so that you'd go over to

He Read/She Read!

I promise not to lie anymore...today.

Take care.

RTT: Quick and dirty

2009-10-20T07:00:00.002-04:00

- DON'T FORGET: You can read all about The Powwow Highway at He Read/She Read tomorrow. You must go there without fail. Send all your friends, your enemies and your casual acquaintances.

- The female breast is a near-perfect creation. I can't think of anything bad to say about them.

- I finished reading "Life of Pi" yesterday. For all you Twin Peaks fans out there: "The owls are not what they seem."

- I would rather have sex than eat. Of course, I'm not hungry right now.

- Did I mention how great I think breasts are?

Take care.

PS: Did I mention that you are supposed to visit Keely at the Un-Mom immediately.

If not sooner.

Breaking news

2009-10-17T12:00:00.001-04:00

You can get the full story HERE

But, in the interest of not being a complete tease, here's the abbreviated lowdown on He Read/She Read:

Wed., October 21.....The Powwow Highway.....reviewed by Rebekah (from Waffles Waffles All Day Long) and me

Wed., October 28.....Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.....reviewed by the Middle-Aged Woman from Unmitigated and Captain Dumbass from Us and Them

and, tentatively, on

Wed., November 4.....Life of Pi.....reviewed by Pamela (from the dayton time) and me

It just quicken the pulse, doesn't it?

Take care.

There are no winners - only survivors

2009-10-15T06:00:00.001-04:00

Everybody has certain times at work when you just have to grin and bear it, right? There are certain days (of the week, of the month, each year) when you just know it's going to be rough - and you've got to tough it out.

Today was one of those days.

The annual budget planning meeting started today at 4 pm. And it ran until a little after 9 pm. So (that's right, you guessed it) everybody worked nearly a full day - and then had to sit through a five-hour meeting. Now, a five-hour meeting would be difficult enough if you were fresh - but after working all day, the prospect of sitting in a meeting for five hours is more than most people can bear.

I'd like to say, before going any further, that: I'm not sure there is necessarily a better way to handle the thing. It's easy enough for me to say that they should start the meeting in the morning, meet until we get through the entire agenda, and then have everyone go back to their normal duties for whatever time remains. But the truth is: we'd probably all get pulled in a million different directions during the course of the meeting if it were taking place during "normal business hours" - so it's not clear that starting earlier would be much of an improvement.

At least, by meeting into the night, there's a kind of natural process which eventually brings the meeting to a close. That is, when everyone is too punchy to go on, you know the meeting is over.

In such an undertaking, there are no winners...only survivors. And I survived - for another year. Here's hoping you make it over the next hurdle, wherever it is that you toil.

Take care.

RTT: "Oh what a tangled web we weave..."

2009-10-13T06:00:00.005-04:00

When first we write so randomly.*
Or something.

- I don't get why I'm having what amounts to a writer's block whenever I sit down to write a post here lately. I don't seem to have any problem writing in general - I just seem to have a problem writing what's on my mind.

- Maybe it's time for me to work on that post idea I've had lying around for awhile - tentatively titled "The limitations of transparency" - about the decisions we all make concerning how much we want to reveal of ourselves. Not just on blogs, in life! And do the boundaries we establish make us dishonest in our dealings with other people? When does choosing not reveal something about yourself become dishonesty? (I get a few more good ideas together on that one and I'll have a new "Meaning Of Life" post...)

- This weekend, I edited down about the first half-hour of what I expect to be a great new instructional video on Chi Sao demonstrated by my good friend and teacher, Sibok Rocco Ambrose. If you live in the metropolitan Detroit area and are interested in the finest training in self-defense and martial arts around, for yourself or your children, you need to check out Ambrose Academy.

- Later this month, The Girl and The Boy will celebrate their 20th and 18th birthdays, respectively. Good God, I am old.

- So Pamela (from the dayton time) emails me today. She started reading Life of Pi on Friday - and finished the d*mn book in a day. Who the h*ll has time to read a whole 400-page book in ONE DAY? Doesn't she realize the kind of pressure that puts on me?!?!
(Pamela, it's just a joke, sweetie. I don't want to cause trouble again just because I don't know how to write stuff so that it's funny...)

- I don't feel old.

- Did I mention that it's really cool when your kids get older and they're not home all the time and you don't have to wait until they're asleep to have sex?

- I'm not advocating that anyone has to wait until their kids are asleep to have sex (but that is pretty much how the Middle-Aged Woman rolls, if you know what mean). But when one of the parties whose cooperation is essential in these pursuits generally has difficulty staying up much beyond 9 pm... I'm just sayin' - absence makes the heart grow fonder.

- Other things may grow as well.

- Have you ever noticed how underused the word "engorged" is?

- Since becoming a freelance writer, the Middle-Aged Woman has been making a lunch for me to take to work every day and preparing many fine evening meals. Tonight, she had a little mishap with some pork chops (I'm not a big pork chop fan anyway - she likes them though) - and so I had to leap into the breach and salvage dinner tonight. And, though I don't like to brag, I think it's fair to say - that I ~~buy~~ make a mean Crispy Strip**.

Bon appétit!

Take care.

PS: Did I mention that you are supposed to visit Keely at the Un-Mom immediately.

If not sooner.

* Apologies to Sir Walter Scott.
** "Crispy Strip" is a registered trademark of Kentucky Fried Chicken.

It's not HERE

2009-10-10T10:00:00.000-04:00

Go look over HERE!

That's where the action is...will be...soon.

Take care.

Did you ever...?

2009-10-07T06:00:00.002-04:00

Login to your computer with the intention of writing a post - and then spend all your time reading and commenting on other people's blogs. (Happened to me.)

I'm sure it's all for the best.

I suggest reading Pamela, Stacy, Chief, The Middle-Aged Woman, and Ellie.

Take care.

RTT: The "Not Dead Yet" Edition

2009-10-06T06:00:00.003-04:00

So, two weeks ago (you remember - the last time I posted) work really s*cked.

Then last week, work didn't s*ck quite as bad - but it was still pretty bad. I found out the previous Friday that I needed to be in New York on Monday morning. Don't get me wrong - I don't mind traveling and I like Manhattan. But I always end up working long hours and don't get to enjoy the trip; this trip was no exception*. And, to close out the week right, I worked a couple extra hours Friday evening and didn't leave the office until 7:30 at night.

I'm hoping that work s*cks even less this week. Hope springs eternal.

Being called out of town last week resulted in my missing the first "Odd Couple" read-through. Although not the end of the world, it was rather awkward to be cast in a lead role one week - and the following week have to make excuses why I would miss the first rehearsal. Last night, I attended my first rehearsal and had fun, though. But, man-o-man! - I've got a lot of memorizing to do!!

Yesterday was the three-week anniversary of my wisdom teeth removal. And I can't wait till the "traumatized" areas of my mouth stop being so sensitive to hot and cold items placed therein. My teeth have never before been sensitive to temperature - and I can't wait for them to regain their brute indifference. That is going to happen - right, Leslie?

I finished a couple of books since my last post. First was The Powwow Highway (in preparation for a He Read/She Read post - unless Rebekah has dumped me) and, more recently, I completed (at long last) Vincent Bugliosi's massive work (1500+ pages) on the assassination of President John F. Kennedy called Reclaiming History. It took me months to finally reach the finish line of Bugliosi's magnum opus**, not because the book is poorly written or boring - but because the factual information regarding the assassination and, in particular, debunking of many conspiracy myths that have cropped up over the years (including a complete demolition of the Oliver Stone film, JFK) are covered in such great detail and with great authority. If you are like I was - having never read a book on the Kennedy assassination - or believing in a vague way (without knowing quite why) that there must have been a shadowy conspiracy behind Kennedy's death - you owe it to yourself to read at least part of Reclaiming History.

I'm getting sleepy now, so I'd better get this baby posted before I run out of steam. With any luck, I'll spend less time working and more time writing this week.

Hey! Stop laughing at me like that. It's impolite to ridicule the deluded.

Take care.

PS: If you need more randomness in your life (and who doesn't?), I would be remiss not to strongly urge you to visit Keely at the Un-Mom immediately. If not sooner.

* Get this: I took my little voice recorder and microphone with me to NYC thinking I might...{giggle} do a post or two in my...{guffaw} spare time. I wasn't kidding about the whole "deluded" thing.

** I apologize for mispronouncing Mr. Bu-li-o-si's name twice. I never realized the "G" was silent.

I AM OSCAR!

2009-09-23T06:00:00.008-04:00

No, not the muppet.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
Not the fashion designer either
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
No, no, no...
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
That's still not quite right.
.
.
.
.

That's what I'm talking about!

So - I got the part. First read-through next Tuesday. More news at 11.

Take care.

RTT: "I'd like to say 'Thank you' on behalf of the group..."

2009-09-22T06:00:00.006-04:00

and I hope I passed the audition.

So let me try to get you a little caught up here:

A couple weeks ago, my wife (the Middle-Aged Woman) quit her job...rather precipitously. She notified me with an email. (No sh*t - I'm not making that up.)

Last week, I had some wisdom teeth out. I had that done in-person.

Over the weekend, a good friend of mine let me know that he was going through such marital turmoil that he was expecting separation and divorce from his wife. He dropped this bomb - in an email. (Are you sensing a trend here?)*

This morning, they announced that the company I work for was entering into an agreement to be acquired by another company for almost 4 billion dollars. No warning - we came into work this morning and read an email with the announcement.

All in all - it's been a slow news month.

In other headlines, I got the stitches out of my mouth today - and auditioned for a part in The Odd Couple**. These events are not related (in any way that I'm conscious of) - but they did both happen today - and so are fair game to be mentioned in the same sentence. My good friend, Roger, was there - and I am hopeful that we will be asked to play the leads (Roger as Felix Ungar and me as Oscar Madison***). The auditions were both enjoyable and brief, so I will probably try to go back tomorrow for Day Two, in case they need an extra person to read lines and help out.

OK - what else, what else...?

I finally watched some new movies in the last couple weeks. I saw Appaloosa with Ed Harris and Viggo Mortensen (I recommend it) and also W. (the Oliver Stone bio with Josh Brolin, Richard Dreyfuss and a great cast overall) - but I can't really recommend the film. It's hard for me to feel the same about Stone knowing how he scr*wed reality over so badly in JFK.

I also watched Good Night, and Good Luck again on my Roku player (the George Clooney film in which he appears as Fred Friendly [who later became the president of CBS News] with David Strathairn as Edward R. Murrow) - it is an excellent film which I recommend highly****. The music in the movie, performed by Dianne Reeves, is also awesome. And I also streamed from Netflix to my Roku, the first 8 or 9 episodes of Lost, Season 3. I do like that show; I don't always know where they're going (I'm not sure the creators did in Season 3 either) - but I like how the episodes work emotionally.

Last night, the MAW and I worked out a budget that should allow her to stay home and work as a freelance writer for as long as she desires. The process seemed like it was going to be tortuous at first - but once we got to just crunching numbers, it seemed to go better. I would hate to think that we might upset Ms. Partly Cloudy***** again by having a disagreement. The very thought...

OK, I've probably p*ssed off enough people with my (pretty tame, really) snark in this here post.
I'd better git - while the gittin's good.

Take care.

PS: If you need more randomness in your life (and who doesn't?), I would be remiss not to strongly urge you to visit Keely at the Un-Mom immediately. If not sooner.

PPS: Why don't my Box.net widget or my YouTube videos work anymore? Have I been bad again? You can get the audio for today's post HERE.

* We got a chance to talk at length over the weekend and - well, who knows what'll happen! But at least I gave him a couple new things to thing about before walking away from twelve years of marriage.

** The MAW auditioned as well; but since she has her own blog - and I've signed a rather strict NDA - you'll have to read Unmitigated to see if there is a further disclosure on that event.

*** Felix was played by Jack Lemmon in the film, Tony Randall on TV. Oscar was played by Walter Matthau (stage & movie) and Jack Klugman (stage & TV).

**** It probably should have won Best Picture in 2006. In my opinion, it was considerably better than Crash.

***** I would give you a link to her blog - but she hasn't posted since March.

Sunday Dinner Every Night

2009-09-20T08:00:00.005-04:00

My good friend, Paul, enlisted my assistance a few weeks ago in putting together a video for entry in the Food Network's The Next Food Network Star competition.

[Since the code from YouTube doesn't seem to be working (never had a problem before), try clicking here for the video...]

I helped him with the script and worked behind the camera. His lovely wife edited the video (great job trimming it to exactly 3 minutes!). And we all enjoyed the lamb ragu.

I'll let you all know when it's time to vote for Paul as The Next Food Network Star!

Take care.

Maybe I'm doing it wrong

2009-09-17T06:00:00.001-04:00

[Note: This post should not be read as a snarky commentary about how other people handle their blogs. The only commentary is about how I am.]

I blew by my 100th post sometime in July. I think I was supposed to make a bigger deal about that. Maybe I should have given away a free microwave oven or something.

My site counter ticked by both 1000 and then 2000 hits at some point. At the moment, it reads 2160. I shudder to think how many of those hits are just me checking to see if anyone is reading.

I feel like I used to do a much better job of participating in Spin Cycles for Sprite's Keeper and Fiction Friday for Jeanne at the Raisin Chronicles and those relationship-building type activities. (OK - I've almost never done memes - but I hate lists!) Lately, I only seem to post if there's a picture of me looking ridiculous that I can include.

Of course, I have been dividing my attention with the He Read/She Read posts - and reading books definitely takes away from my writing time. But I intend to spend a bit more quality time here at Speaking In Caps - before all my loyal readers find better ways to spend their time.

I'll get it right sooner or later.

Take care.

The Removal of Wisdom

2009-09-14T11:30:00.006-04:00

So this is what I look like today:

The good doctor removed my bottom wisdom teeth today. I really couldn't spare any more wisdom - in fact, it's not clear I could spare any. However, although they were not causing me pain, the wisdom teeth were candidates for causing trouble for the rest of my (very healthy and clean, thank you very much) choppers. I would go into a lot of detail - but not everyone may be interested in covering dental hygiene in such depth so early in the week.

Just remember:

I'm keeping my eye on you!

Take care.

PS: I couldn't have afforded even this simple procedure without my insurance - so contact the people who represent you in the Congress and Senate. Tell them it's time to act on national healthcare!

The Glory of "I Don't Know"

2009-09-10T12:00:00.003-04:00

Maybe it's just me - but somewhere, sometime, at some point during my life here in these United States, we seem to have become convinced that everybody ought to know everything. No one ever seems to want to admit that they don't know the answer to a question anymore. When people don't know the answer these days, they either:

- Change the subject by pretending you asked a question they DO know the answer to - and answering that question, or

- Tell you that the question you asked isn't relevant - and that what you really want to know is something they would love to tell you instead, or

- They pretend to know the answer but never really answer your question, or

- They lie and make up an answer

While each of these responses indicates a unique talent for subterfuge, none are very helpful or efficient or honest. But it seems that use of the words "I don't know" is now an unforgivable sin - and we are all doom to the Hell of Half-Truths.

When was the last time you heard or participated in a conversation where one party ended a statement with the phrase "...you know what I mean?" and anyone else involved had the guts to admit "No - I don't have any idea what you're talking about."

And then, just when I was convinced that only the few & the brave would admit to "not knowing", I had a conference call with a software vendor who willing to acknowledge on more than one occasion that she couldn't answer one of our question regarding her product (but would find out). At one point, she even said that she didn't want to try and sell us the software by "over-promising".

Wait a minute! Was that a breath of fresh air I felt coming into my office?

Take care.

The new phone book's here, the new phone book's here!

2009-09-08T07:00:00.001-04:00

Click on the book at left to visit a brand new blog where men and women both get a chance to offer their perspectives on a book of their choosing.

Today's Installment:
The Middle-Aged Woman and I weigh in on
Larry McMurtry's Lonesome Dove.

Hopefully, today's He Read/She Read resembles a telephone book in length only. I'm hoping that it's a little more compelling and easy-to-read. I know you think I had been loafing around for the last few days (and you're mostly right) - but I hadn't dropped the pen completely.

Tomorrow: I have no idea what I'm going to write about. I sure hope it's something good.

Take care.

They're Playing Right Into Our Hands

2009-09-03T13:00:00.001-04:00

The Middle-Aged Woman passed this along seconds ago...

You can read more Frazz here.

You can read more about Lonesome Dove next Tuesday here.

Take care.

Eternally Random

2009-09-01T13:00:00.001-04:00

- Why does the afternoon weather guy on our local news radio station refer to himself as a "meaty urologist"?

- My wife, The Middle-Aged Woman , quit her job recently. Being bound by a rather strict NDA, I can only say that I was informed of this development via email.

- I can't be too random next Tuesday because the next installment of He Read/She Read is planned to be unleashed upon an unsuspecting world that day. Or, perhaps I should say, the world would have been unsuspecting - until just now. Actually, most of the world is STILL unsuspecting, so I hope that you will do everything in your power to make people suspicious.

- I hardly read the comics anymore, now that home delivery of the newspaper is only available three days a week.

- I haven't watched a movie at home in weeks. It seems unthinkable - but maybe I need to cancel my Netflix subscription.

- You know how the general populace views used car salesmen? That's how anyone managing a computer network spanning multiple states (like me, for example) views telecommunications vendors.

- I'm planning to be in The Odd Couple at Motor City Youth Theater*. Auditions are scheduled for Sept. 21 - 22. We're mostly looking for middle-aged men who can memorize dialogue and pretend to play cards. If you are the first thing and you can do those other two things, there really isn't that much acting required.

- I'm really looking forward to when I can stay up too late writing a blog post again. Writing a lunch still s*cks.

Take care.

* Contact me if you need details. There's nothing about the auditions at the MCYT website.

Busy weekend

2009-08-31T13:00:00.005-04:00

- Had a meeting at church after work on Friday.
- Martial arts training on Saturday morning. It was Testing Day (although I didn't test) and we had a fine lunch at the New Peking Chinese Restaurant with our Wing Chun Do (WCD) friends.
- Worked the rest of the afternoon on balancing past month checking account statements. I was a little behind - as you can clearly see here.
- Saturday night, the Middle-Aged Woman, Ellie B, Queenmaker and I went to the Magic Bag Theater and saw guitarist extraordinaire Laith Al-Saadi with his trio. We were joined by their son, Beloved, and his paramour later in the evening. The two opening bands were not impressive - but Laith was fantastic. I highly recommend that you rush out and buy his two CDs immediately. If you enjoy the sound of a well-played electric guitar and you like your music with some blues, rock & soul and mixed together and drenched in melody - I've got your ticket, right here!
- After a late night out, I was back at Ambrose Academy Sunday morning to observe and help out some highly-experienced WCD practitioners who were taking their final test to become Black Belt candidates. Congratulations to Beloved and Julie - they did great.
- But I strained my back during the proceedings.
- Sang a new solo during worship for the first time later that morning. It seemed to go OK. I probably won't feel comfortable until I've done it a few times.
- Helped my good friend, Paul Johnny, shoot a brief cooking video at his house. It was fun - and he fed my a great meal of lamb ragu afterward. And nectarine cake a la mode.

That's it. Just a routine weekend.

Take care.

I am not worthy

2009-08-28T06:00:00.000-04:00

I'm such an ingrate that it's taken me over a week to get around to proudly displaying my two newest awards:

The Thankful Award from Sunshine at Such life in the tropics

& The Honest Scrap Award from Jess at This Life Is Mine

~~I want to commend these lovely ladies on their keen insight and discerning taste...oops.~~ I want to thank these lovely ladies for their kindness and for reading/commenting on my blog.

I know I still haven't fulfilled a last requirement of the Honest Scrap Award (passing it on to ten other bloggers) - but I've spent so little time reading other blogs lately, I will have to defer that final step a while longer.

Thanks again, Sunshine and Jess. I really appreciate your support.

Take care.

I didn't think the day could s*ck any worse...

2009-08-27T06:00:00.006-04:00

But I was wrong.

I got about 4 hours of sleep Tuesday night (I'd like to blame a late Tigers game on the west coast) which is really n-n-n-no-no-no..........body's fault but mine*. And Wednesday morning at work was fairly uneventful. But, at lunch time, one of our offices lost power - and all the systems in that office went down for a couple hours. And just at the point where they were going to shut that office down for the day, the power came back on (that's good, right?). But it only stayed up long enough for us to get most of the computers up and working again. And then the power went out again. So they sent everyone there home anyway.

When power was restored again, the utility company wouldn't commit to having uninterrupted power for our building until 6 pm. So we fretted over whether or not to bring systems back up - and once the computers in that office were functioning normally, we started to get calls from another office that they couldn't open, edit or save documents properly on their computers. So we tried to figure out what was causing that problem - but over two hours later - when the problem magically disappeared - we still hadn't figured it out.

Eventually, I went home. And had some dinner.
And made someone angry.
And made someone cry.

So now I'm really tired - but pretty upset (you know that state where you feel that you are somehow vibrating?) - and there are several extra people in the house who will probably be here until about 1 am.

I'm just hoping that tomorrow won't s*ck any worse. But I could be-

I can't bring myself to say it.

Take care.

* Thank you, Mr. Plant
(you can skip to 5:15 in the clip - if you prefer cutting to the chase)

"Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood..."

2009-08-26T06:00:00.002-04:00

"I'm just a soul whose intentions are good..."
-- B. Benjamin/ G. Caldwell/ S. Marcus

So almost two weeks ago, I wrote a post about The Golden Rule which my friend, Pamela, from The Dayton Time commented upon. Her comment was so much in sync with what I was trying to express, that the next day I posted a follow-up quoting from her comments. The two of us were "of a like mind". We were simpatico. And so everything was cool, right?

It ain't necessarily so. Unbeknownst to me, Pamela was going through some rough times - and so, I think, some of the comments that I made here trying to be humorous might have seemed to be just rude (For example: "Hopefully, you've seen that you inspired today's post. If not, may I respectfully request that you - read the damn post!"). Others that were intended to be statements that might apply to anyone reading the post might have seemed to be directed at Pamela in particular ("Can you say 'hypocrite'? I thought you could!"). And the R.E.M. quote that I used to open one post could certainly have been interpreted as a slam on Christ and Christianity (which was certainly not my intention - although, to be honest, I think Christians are just as likely to violate The Golden Rule as anyone*).

So why write a whole post about this stuff anyway? Isn't it perpetuating a mountain that got created out of a molehill?

Here's why I think it's worth writing about: 'Cause stuff like this happens all the time. Sometimes we get so busy patting ourselves on the back for being clever or snarky or whatever - and we don't bother taking the time to be clear, to help people understand, to sacrifice being a smart-ass long enough to clarify, to reassure, to be a good neighbor in the Blogosphere.

Look, I have no illusions - being misunderstood is something that happens to everyone sooner or later. And relationships formed in the E-niverse (Blogosphere, insert your favorite term for this electronic world in which we trod) are particularly susceptible; I think in large part because our interaction is missing so much of the unspoken content (body language, tone of voice, inflection, facial expressions) that is such a huge part of communication in The Real World.

Even the Middle-Aged Woman just went through an episode where she was misunderstood and publicly flogged (mentioned just in passing on her blog). And she's so sweet, that this incident alone is incontrovertible proof that no one is immune from misunderstanding.

But I think if we make an effort to be honest and clear, if we give each other the benefit of the doubt, and not look for ways to take offense...

It'll make it a lot easier to win friends and influence people. And who couldn't use a few more friends these days? Or any day?

Take care.

* I count myself in that "Christian" group - so I'm talking about me, too.

The Random Bucket

2009-08-25T13:30:00.000-04:00

- Why is it that donuts are never referred to as "Nature's Perfect Food"?

- Last week (it seems like last year) I started a post with a song lyric from R.E.M. that may have left people wondering about me. I would like to state, for the record, that I do love Jesus - and that is not "a hollow claim".

- If I hit it big in the Mega Millions drawing tonight I'm committed to paying off Captain Dumbass' mortgage. You can check out Us and Them for more information - and to see the carnage left behind by the hostile takeover attempt staged by the Middle-Aged Woman and Ms. Partly Cloudy there today. Would you believe it if I told you that I am not related to these women in any way at all?

- Trying to do a blog entry while you're eating lunch at work kinda s*cks.

- I want to write a blog post about being misunderstood. But last night I had to write up four important emails (i.e. not just forwarding some joke to everybody I knew) and do a script rewrite for a video I'm supposed to shoot Sunday afternoon. And then it was 2 AM.

- Can you say "over committed"? I thought you could.

- But I had a nice time in Petoskey this weekend. And I plan on having a nice time in Greenbush over Labor Day weekend.

- Especially if the Mega Millions thing comes through.

- Did somebody mention donuts?

- Lunch time is over. But randomness? Who can say?

Take care.

And now for something completely different...

2009-08-21T10:30:00.000-04:00

[Editor's note: Click on the file called 20090821_completely_different.mp3 above (in the Box.net widget or the link below.]

Today's post is: AUDIO ONLY

Take care.

The Thought That Counts

2009-08-20T06:00:00.005-04:00

[Editor's Note: I had imagined a better post for today. But basking in the glory of the He Read/She Read premiere has been too much for me. Thanks to all who visited and offered their feedback.]

So the Middle-Aged Woman's combined birthday/anniversary gift showed up yesterday...

I think she likes it.

My birthday/anniversary gift still hasn't arrived...
[Another d*mn clerical error, no doubt.]

But no Cricuts were ~~harmed~~ touched in the taking of these photographs.

Take care.
[You KNOW I'm being careful...]

For Your Consideration: He Read/She Read

2009-08-19T06:00:00.015-04:00

Click on the book at left to visit a brand new blog where men and women both get a chance to offer their perspectives on a book of their choosing.

Today's Installment:
Sprite's Keeper and I weigh in on
John Irving's The World According to Garp.

Tomorrow: I plan to get back to basics here at Speaking in CAPS.
In fact, I feel a Meaning Of Life post coming on.
Keep your fingers crossed and...

Take care.

Tomorrow - A World Premiere

2009-08-18T08:00:00.004-04:00

We've been talking about it for months. Tomorrow, the waiting is over.

Tell your friends! Tell my enemies! Come back tomorrow and get the link!

Take care.

An Open Letter To My Wife

2009-08-16T08:00:00.007-04:00

[Editor's note: I both feared and somehow knew this day would come - once we were both blogging. I hope that you, Gentle Reader, will give me some license to use a bit of snark in writing about a topic I take deadly seriously.]

In the Middle-Aged Woman's other blog ('cause you can never have too many), she has recently posted about her dread of returning to work as a sixth-grade teacher. This is nothing new. We are fast approaching the one-year anniversary of Teaching Dread. When you still don't want to do something after a whole year, I think the warning lights and sirens are supposed to come on.

Anyway, on her other blog, the MAW said:

Husband feels this is simply another expression of my desire to do "something else." That whatever I find myself doing, what I want to be doing is "something else."

Although I have not been substantively misquoted, the quote is woefully incomplete - and therefore I don't feel that it accurately represents my thoughts or feelings on the topic.

But, Ladies and Gentlemen, isn't it convenient that I, too, have a blog*. So here's...The Rest Of The Story.

When the MAW first expressed to me** (three nights ago by time this is published) how she was starting to "freak out" over the idea of returning to work soon, she spoke primarily of her concerns that the procedures to eliminate her back pain had not yet borne full fruit (and whether they would ever do so) and that continued need for painkillers would also be a problem.
Because I'm a guy, I decided to ask at the outset of the conversation whether this was one of those times when I was supposed to listen and empathsize (I read somewhere that women really like that sometimes) or if my role was to offer suggestions, direct feedback, try to "fix it" (all the stuff guys just love to do; I think I read that somewhere too). The MAW said I should play it the way I felt it.

So toward the end of our conversation, after taking a few minutes to process all the "new sh*t [that had] come to light", I offered the following comment:
[It ain't verbatim - but it's good enough]

Well, I think your fear over returning to work has three primary components:

One part is the amount of anxiety you would be feeling about returning to school any year, under any circumstance. This is normal stuff - to be expected - don't let it get the best of you.

A second part is the worry resulting from your continuing back pain. But since the timetable outlined by the doctor for expecting full relief has not yet expired - and you won't have to return to work for a full two weeks after that - let's withholding judgement and continue to hope for the best. Still, you must be sure to share your anxiety over any on-going pain and the need for medication - as well as your fears regarding a full, pain-free recovery - when you see the doctor.

The last part is your continuing struggle with the desire to be doing "something else." It seems to be the general rule that, after a while, whatever you are doing ceases to be the thing that you want to be doing.

One more thing and I'll wrap this up. Around the time school let out, the MAW and I talked about whether she would return to teaching in the fall. Even before we spoke, she had let the school administration know that she didn't expect to be back. I told her at that time, if she couldn't or didn't wish to return, we'd just have to change our way of living in order to do without her salary.

So that's The Rest Of The Story. There's a lot more to come on this story, I'll bet. I, for one, am just full of ideas and opinions on the whole situation. Nurturing happiness, making and keeping commitments, dealing with pain and stress - it looks like I'm set for material on Meaning of Life posts for the foreseeable future.

Of course, living and blogging aren't the same thing. I guess we'll have to see just how close to one another they are.

Take care.

* Just this one - at least until Wednesday when I unleash a new blog upon an unsuspecting world with the inaugural edition of He Read / She Read! Actually, I'm hoping that the world - or at least some part of it - won't be completely unsuspecting. So please, tell your friends & plan to stop by and read it for yourself. Sprite's Keeper and I are hoping you will let us know what you think of it.

** The 2009 Edition of Teaching Dread

"The fault, dear Brutus, lies not in our stars..." *

2009-08-14T06:00:00.002-04:00

In response to yesterday's post, my friend Pamela from The Dayton Time said...

"And here I was, thinking the problem with the golden rule was not with the golden rule, but that people don't practice what they preach."

I must certainly agree that what is wrong with followers of The Golden Rule is far more severe than any flaws that exist in the rule itself. Or - as the late Fred Rodgers might say -

"Can you say 'hypocrite'? I thought you could!"

That Pamela is one sharp woman. Yes, she is.

Take care.

* but in ourselves" --Julius Caesar, Act I Scene II

The problem with The Golden Rule: Jim Styro's Meaning of Life, Part 13

2009-08-13T06:00:00.011-04:00

I can't say that I love Jesus
That would be a hollow claim
He did make some observations
And I'm quoting them today

"Judge not, lest ye be judged"
What a beautiful refrain
The studio audience disagrees
Have his lambs all gone astray?

-- New Test Leper by R.E.M.

Everybody knows that the world would be a better place if we all followed The Golden Rule, right? And everybody knows that The Rule is commonly stated as:
"Do to others as you would have them do to you."

Right?

But - and here's where the whole question of judgment comes in - doesn't The Golden Rule only work if the way I prefer to be treated and the way you prefer to be treated are (at least close to) the same thing?

Of course, as the world becomes a smaller place and we begin to learn things we never knew about distant countries, unfamiliar cultures, different preferences in human interaction - it becomes clear that presuming other people want to be treated the way that we want to be treated has a high probability of inaccuracy.

Maybe the New Golden Rule will need to be:

Try to treat other people the way they want to be treated.

It's a tougher rule to follow - because it means you actually need to understand another person, rather than simply assume that person is like you. But isn't that the underlying idea - having as much consideration for those around you as you have for yourself - of the original Golden Rule anyway?

Anyway, that's what I was thinking. Now I'll be quiet and listen to what those around me have to say.

Take care.

IT'S COMING

2009-08-12T14:00:00.002-04:00

Remember back in May, when I held my first (only) contest (so far) here at Speaking in CAPS and gave away a copy of The World According to Garp to Jen at Sprite's Keeper? You don't? Well, all that stuff happened.

Jen and I agreed to write down our reactions to the book and post the results to launch a new blog, He Read / She Read. Well, that inaugural post is nearly ready-for-prime-time. So keep on the lookout here - and at Sprite's Keeper's place - and soon it will be revealed just where and when you need to go for literary criticism of a multi-gender variety.

It'll be like..."Dogs and cats, living together. Mass hysteria."

You won't want to miss that.

Take care.

The Dream: Revealed

2009-08-11T06:00:00.005-04:00

[Ladies and Gentlemen:

You know her as the Middle-Aged Woman. I call her Snoplum.

Now, here she is - without further ado, a woman who needs no introduction (if you need character references, click here), the Lovely and Talented One, the Unmitigated One, the Magnificent One, the Little Pretty One, the One and Only One....

Mr. Steely Dan, and whatever.* -- JS]

It starts like this...I am at a concert with friends, Paul McCartney and Wings just so you know how old I am. Did Jim Styro mention that yesterday was my birthday? I think he may have. I'm thirty-sixteen now.

So, I'm at this concert, but there's a problem. The show cannot go on. Linda has lost her voice, and can't sing tonight. An announcement is made, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we are very sorry to have to inform you that Mr. McCartney will not be able to perform tonight, as his wife is unable to provide harmony vocals. Unless....is there anyone here, by chance, who knows all the words and can sing the harmony parts? There IS? My God, what are the chances? Please report to the backstage area, immediately!"

And up I go, NOT taking the lead, NOT becoming the star, NOT rocking out for all to see. I become one of the sex-ay chicks at the microphone in the back row, dancing in a coordinated manner with my stage mates, and providing soulful harmonies to one of the greatest songwriters of the 20th century. I am a big hit. I bow modestly to the cheering of thousands.

Or....Styro and I are finally invited to the home of close, personal friend, Randy Newman. We ask him to play something for us, and he agrees, as long as I will provide the vocals. Of course my performance rivals that of Linda Ronstadt, and he signs me up to sing on his next record (Yes, record, I already said I was old).

I love to sing (in case you hadn't already gleaned this information), but am not much for the spotlight. Jim Styro sings in choirs. He does solos all the time. He performs in musicals, and sings on stage. I don't know how he manages. I once asked a friend how she found the nerve to sing in front of people and audition for a show. She didn't understand the question. What nerve? I just do it, she said.

I sing in the car and the garden. Someday, the theater group Jim Styro works with will do Guys and Dolls. Maybe the actress playing Miss Adelaide won't be able to go on stage one night....

[Thanks, Snoplum - and
Take care, everyone.]

* True Steely Dan fans need no explanation. For the rest of you, listen to Bodhisattva (Live) [from the Citizen Steely Dan box set or the CD editiion of Steely Dan Gold.
Or click here].

My Wife

2009-08-10T06:00:00.019-04:00

She's beautiful.

The not yet Middle-Aged Woman (left) with her mom and sister, Jennifer

Beauty comes in many forms. There is a beauty unique to things we encounter that are fresh and unspoiled. The beauty of a child, of a young person whose faces seems untouched by worry, disappointment or age, of a flower in bloom, or a beach stretching into the distance - the sand untouched by anything but waves at the shore.

The MAW (age 8) in Spring 1972, First Communion

Physical beauty, though compelling, is transient. But beauty of the mind can be more lasting.

The MAW's senior year photo (1980)

She's smart.

When I first met the MAW, she looked as pictured above - long straight blond hair, a sweet smile, a nice figure, pale & pretty. We both competed on our high school's competitive speech team. I was the smart nerdy boy, extra skinny, with bad acne. She was a smart nerdy girl who hated high school sufficiently that she had decided to graduate in three years. The only girl my age that had ever shown interest in me [not the MAW] became my first girlfriend (we were set up by mutual friends to attend my Junior Prom). When the MAW returned after graduation to see the fall play, her autograph in my play program expressed an interest in me that was unexpected (although I won't say unhoped for). No one that smart and pretty had ever expressed an interest in me as an object of their not-just-as-friends-type affection. My first girlfriend didn't stand a chance.

The MAW's father, Hank, leads her into oblivion on her 22nd birthday (August 10, 1985)

She's devoted.

I proposed to the MAW the summer we both turned nineteen. I was spending the summer living with my grandparents in Evart, Michigan, because my family had moved to the suburbs of Chicago during my freshman year of college - and I had no desire to follow them. The MAW visited me there and we drove into Cadillac to be alone. I already knew that I wanted to be with her all the time - but there was no way to make that happen any time soon. But in a little park on the edge of Lake Cadillac, I asked her to marry me anyway - and she said yes.

The MAW, The Girl and me on the porch of our first home (1990)

She made beautiful babies.

I helped (as often as she would let me). Our first child did not come quickly. This troubled the (not yet) MAW at first - and greatly upset her later. But when the happy news came, it carried her through her first pregnancy like a champ. She had never seemed healthier. And The Girl was a wonderful first child; a (relatively) easy delivery [sure, that's easy for the guy to say - but the MAW would say the same thing; ask her], a happy baby and good sleeper with no health problems. Our dream of starting a family together had come true. I remember it as a golden time in our marriage.

The MAW, The Girl and The Boy (1995)

Admittedly, the second pregnancy was not so easy. It wasn't that there were a lot of medical complications particularly - but for the MAW, it wasn't much fun. She was wishing for the pregnancy to be over almost as soon as it had begun. But The Boy was, if anything, an even more cheerful baby than his sister. Perhaps not quite as good a sleeper - but he was healthy, with all the standard equipment intact. We had a matched set and agreed that our reproductive days would be behind us. But the golden time was over for awhile.

The MAW receives her degree with honors (2002)

She's a professional.

Once both of the kids were in school, the MAW struggled to determine what she wanted to do with her life. But once she settled on becoming a teacher, she excelled in everything she did. Perhaps more importantly, she seemed to love the work; deciding on the best way to convey information to students, working and interacting with the kids, developing new relationships with her mentors at the School of Education and (once she was hired into a full-time position) her teaching partners.

Our family (2004)

I can't explain why I love my wife. It's not something I can prove or quantify. I don't understand it really - and I don't intend to spend a lot of time trying to figure it out. The reasons I've listed above are all good reasons - but the explanation they provide is woefully incomplete somehow. My wife is a far more intelligent, talented and charismatic person than she has ever admitted to herself; it may be that in the past couple months she has come closer to realizing that than ever before.

The most recent photo I could find of the four of us together - with my Grandma (2006)

She's mine.

The past few years have been as difficult as any in our marriage. And I know they have been hard years for the MAW all around. Although there have been times when I didn't see how our marriage could go on as it was, I never had a desire to see it end - nor can I imagine feeling that way. I write all this because I do not take it for granted that our marriage - or any other - is indestructible. I think I understand more fully now than at any other time, just how fragile a relationship can be. I sometimes wonder how much of the foundation on which our marriage was built remains.

But fragile and weak are not the same thing. My love is strong - though it's not unconditional - and can cover "a multitude of (our) sins". My attraction to and desire for my wife are stronger than ever (that hasn't always been a good thing, actually - at times, a cause of much hurt and frustration for me over the years).

But enough of that noise - Today, we celebrate!

To my friend, my companion, my advisor, my lover - I say:

Happy Birthday, Snoplum.
Happy Anniversary, honey.
I love you.

Take care.

And don't forget to come back tomorrow for
The Middle-Age Woman's Guest Post
You won't want to miss that!

It seemed like a good idea at the time

2009-08-07T06:00:00.006-04:00

Here's a couple recent thoughts I jotted down in my Franklin Planner (with a bit of commentary at no extra charge):

- I prefer to do interesting things - rather than let interesting things happen to me.

The first involves making my own choices - which may or may not be good ones, which may or may not meet my original expectations. The latter seems based on judgement of events in hindsight - perhaps filtered through the view of others.

[You: "That really sounds interesting!"
Me: "Interesting? It was a tremendous pain in the @$$!"]

I don't believe that this preference means I can't "go with the flow" - or need to control everything (I go both ways in different circumstances). But I would rather be active than passive, I guess.

- It is poor use of another human being to keep them in a nearby room (figuratively or literally) primarily for one's own comfort or solace. Although you may derive benefit from the knowledge that someone will "always be there for me" - it is a diet on which few relationships can grow or thrive.

I think the above is true regardless of whether the parties involved are introverts or extroverts - although those preferences would certainly be a factor in how the parties deal with issues of solitude vs. interaction.

Perhaps these ideas will become pieces of the puzzle that get woven into the broad tapestry of my Meaning of Life posts (which remain untouched these recent weeks). Or not.

Sorry I didn't have any more lingerie shots for you thrill seekers. You never know when I'll go all Alistair Cooke on you.

Take care.

Not just a one-night stand

2009-08-05T06:00:00.005-04:00

Look - I'm not proud of what I've done. But I'm not looking for forgiveness or making excuses either.

Things haven't been easy these last few years; the Middle-Aged Woman would tell you the same thing. Sure - she hasn't been feeling good for a lot of that time. And getting older has certainly doused the flames of her affection for me. Hell, I had almost gotten used to waiting for weeks at a time for some feminine attention. But that's not the whole story.

Oh, I knew about the whole Jody Foster/"switching teams" thing. I did my best to take that blow like a mature adult. But to find out now - after nearly 25 years of marriage! - that my wife shared the beds of two other women in Chicago...

Well, a man has to have some shread of pride.

I've never thought of myself as the sort of person who would be unfaithful - and what happened the other night wasn't planned. But a man has needs, too. And when I saw her for the first time, I literally stopped in my tracks.

For my part, the attraction was instantaneous. She didn't seem to notice me at first; which was probably a good thing since I went all bug-eyed and slack-jawed. I thought she was just about the cutest little thing I had seen in months. Petite, with nice features and a hard, compact little body. I decided on the spot that I had to have her.

Last night, I decided to get a picture of her wearing something soft and silky.

Hey, I'm not saying my marriage is over - but I'm tired of being ignored. If the MAW is too busy, too tired, too sore to spend some time with me...well, I know a girl that's just hanging on my every word.

Come on over here, baby, and let me plug in my...microphone. Oh, yeah!

Take care.

...how would you like to be The Boss for awhile?*

2009-08-04T06:00:00.005-04:00

"It is not often that someone comes along who is a true friend and a good writer. Charlotte was both."
Charlotte's Web, E.B. White

I consider myself lucky that the best boss I ever had also became one of my best friends.

Apart from the fact that we have very similar personalities, there are three reasons why I think of Chico as my best boss:

1. He's an extremely intelligent person - who didn't lose his common sense along the way.

2. He understands the importance of making decisions at the right time - even when you can't be sure the decision itself is right.

3. He knows that the most important part of any organization - is the people.

For someone in a position of authority, this last point is critical. It has become a cliche in job interviews to make a statement like "I really enjoy working with people" - but how many who make that statement really mean it? Or, to look at the point from a different perspective: Who wants to work for someone who really doesn't value other people? (Not me.)

I've learned several valuable lessons from Chico over the years - both as boss and friend. Here's a few of my favorite bits of Chico philosophy (some are pretty much direct quotes):

- I would never screw you for the company; I would only screw you for my own personal gain.

[The importance of people over organizations reduced to a nutshell - and leavened with a believable measure of self-interest and/or humor.]

- The people who run the world are the people who show up.

[As they say with some give-aways: Must be present to win.]

- In a dispute with a woman, sometimes it's best just to ask her - "Honey, what's the right answer?"

[A close companion to that strategy is this idea:
Some things are more important than being right.]

It's not often that someone comes along who is a good boss and a true...
Oh hell - you get the idea!

Thanks, Chico. And to all you loyal readers and listeners out there -

Take care.

*Title courtesy of Randy Newman

Taking Stock

2009-08-01T08:00:00.002-04:00

On Friday, I finished Mid-Year evaluations for the men and women that work for me. How can I refer to it as a mid-year evaluation, you ask, when it's the end of July? Because my company requires that I conduct two formal reviews of my staff each year: a mid-year evaluation and a year-end review.

And this was NOT the year-end one. So by process of elimination, it must be the mid-year.

Anyway, they are done. Everyone knows how I feel about the work they have done so far this year (in this case, ranging from good to exceptional) and they know the things I expect them to focus on for the remainder of 2009 (at least three major items for each person on my team). I take providing feedback for the people who work for me very seriously. When I began as a manager, the idea of evaluating other people made me feel uncomfortable; and, although I have gotten used to the process over time, it is not an activity where I desire to get too comfortable. I think that the process of evaluating another person should not be taken lightly. And so I do my best to be thoughtful, to be even-handed, and (above all) to be honest.

A few months ago, I wrote a post that concluded with my expectations concerning the busy spring and summer on the horizon at my job. Last week, the project which was the focus of that effort was completed. My team and I are all still intact - so it seems things transpired much as I had envisioned.

I'm glad that's over. We all are. Hopefully, the rest of the year will provide room to take care of things that did not receive our full attention during the heat of battle.

I never expect things to be slow at the office. I'd settle for manageable. And I hope that your work life is going well.

Take care.

Stupid things I've done...and am(No. 93 in a continuing series)

2009-07-31T06:00:00.003-04:00

Those of you who give attention to my life and activities (more than I do, as this post will indicate) might remember that the Ticketmaster website screwed me over on the purchase of some concert tickets a few months ago.

But Ticketmaster's screw job pales in comparison to what I did to MYSELF!

Because, as you can see above, concert tickets contain a lot of important information; they tell you what musician(s) are performing, where you're allowed to sit, the location of the event, and (I can't emphasize this last point enough) ...

The date and time of the event!

Any reasonable person knows that the only indispensable person at a Jackson Browne concert is...Jackson Browne.

If you're anybody else, you better show up at the time on your ticket.
And I know that. I understand the protocol.

So Monday (July 27, the day that I was supposed to be attending the Jackson Browne concert with the Middle-Aged Woman, our friends, Chico & (his daughter) C-One), I left work at 7 pm, got home around 7:30 pm, changed clothes, went out to get something to eat, came home, sat down at my desk to work on balancing the checking account, launched my browser and accidentally clicked on a link to Facebook where I saw C-One's comment about the concert that had started approximately 90 minutes earlier - that I was supposed to be at. And I realized at that moment, I was not giving my life the scrutiny it deserved.

I picked up the tickets (which have been sitting next to my computer monitor where I see them nearly every day) and sped to the room where the MAW lay throbbing (as usual).

Styro: Guess what? [Holds out concert tickets]
MAW: I thought the concert was tomorrow night.
Styro: No, it's today. [Hands tickets to MAW]

Perhaps it would have been better if I hadn't been reminded of the concert at all. I suspect the MAW felt that way - but she got in the car with me anyway.

I think of myself as a decent writer - but there are not enough words to express the incredible mix of emotions I felt as I drove 27.6 miles (according to my GPS) to the show. I tried to let my mind go blank as much as possible - because all of my thoughts were dark, angry and filled with self-loathing. Here's just a sample:

"What sort of idiot forgets about a concert when he's had the tickets sitting in front of him for 3 months?"

"What in the world can I say to Chico and Christie to explain this insanity? 'Oh, sorry - I guess you're just not important enough for me to bother remembering I was supposed to attend a concert with you tonight.'"

"We'll never make it in time. The show will be over."

"&*%$#()*&*^&%^&^&$*$(&(*^##!!%*)()*&$$*^%%^$&*%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I truly can't remember being more disgusted with myself since...

...since The Boy was small and left the house* while I was (supposedly) watching the kids - and walked out into a busy street before I could locate and catch him.

Anyway, I wasn't feeling too good. The only bright spots, in retrospect:

- I didn't drive like an idiot
- I kept quiet; no ranting and raving
- We didn't have to pay for parking (they don't really plan on people arriving two hours late), and
- The beauty of the music made me (briefly) happy

I wouldn't have thought it possible during the drive there - and it seemed like a distant memory during the drive home - but for a few minutes, as I listened to the music**, I was able to forget what a stupid idiot I was - and just enjoy the sound, the energy, the joy of a live performance, the uplift of a large group of people enjoying a shared experience. [Chico and Christie were very cool about the whole thing - just glad we hadn't ended up dead in a roadside ditch on the way to the show.]

If I get the opportunity again, I think I really need to show up at the time shown on the ticket.

Take care.

* I still can't believe he left the house by himself!
** The end of The Pretender (a personal favorite of mine - as we crossed the parking lot to the band shell), Running on Empty, I Am A Patriot ("The river rolls for the righteous...someday"), and The Load-Out.

If excuses were horses...beggars would ride

2009-07-29T08:00:00.000-04:00

Above is pictured the stack of debit card slips that I entered into Microsoft Money last night - instead of writing a decent blog post.

Once they are entered, they get placed into envelopes - until I balance the checking account (for that month - or, in this case, quarter...millenium) - and look like this:

Lastly: A big THANK YOU to Jess at This Life Is Mine for the cool award she bestowed.

I hope someday to prove myself worthy. But not today.

Take care.

RTT: Post-IT Notes from the Knight Gathering

2009-07-28T07:30:00.004-04:00

(A few final glimpses from this year's family reunion)

My Sister-S' two young daughters, the Double A's, standing in the hallway outside their room singing "Daddy took my blankie away - Daddy give my blankie back" over and over.

[It appeared they had been temporarily evicted from the room while Mommy and Daddy packed up to check out of the hotel. The girls told me they expected to have their blankets returned in the car - but this mild protest was clearly designed to hasten the restoration of those beloved blankets.]

Overheard* during a card game: "You're arrogant - but in a nice way."

[My Sister-W...to me. Every once in a while, I just don't know what to say.]

Cousin-A's two boys sitting in the waiting room of Mercy Hospital Cadillac - mesmerized by the Disney Channel.

[They are both under age 10 - and it was impossible to tell from their demeanor how much they understood of their grandfather's condition in the Emergency Room. Of course, none of the adults understood much more than they did, in truth.]

Littlest-A (my youngest sister's younger daughter) pretending to be be a fearsome monster in front of her great-grandmother.

[This exemplary performance took place immediately following the annual Group Photo shoot outside the hotel. Her attempts to be fearsome where somewhat undercut by her overall size and appearance, i.e. small and very cute.]

Sister-W and The Boy leaping up for a Nerf football like the deciding touchdown for a Super Bowl was on the line.

[It clearly would have garnered a pass interference or unsportsmanlike conduct call from the referees (had they been present). When I called out to The Boy, "Don't hurt your Aunt-W!", he responded incredulously, "Me? Hurt her? She's trying to kill me!"]

Watching my mother and Sister-W playing cards together - and seeing how they have become the same person.

[My sister is the younger model of her mother; they look alike, they sound alike, they think alike. It's kind of frightening actually.]

Overheard during a euchre game:

Mom: I see you're wearing your sexy shirt?

Sister-S: What?

M: Well, you can clearly see...

S: What? My nipple? I'm wearing a bra!

M: No - but you can clearly see your cleavage.

S: Mom - I've got no boobs!

[As a semi-objective observer, the top was not very...revealing.]

Well, that's the news from Lake Wobegon...where the men play euchre, the woman wear revealing clothing and the children are all singing for their blankets.

Take care.

Uncle-R Update:
He is scheduled to be released from the hospital today. I will try to update Twitter or Facebook with more news during the day if possible.

* OK - she said it right to my face

Knight Gathering: It's all fun and games...

2009-07-27T06:00:00.011-04:00

Until someone gets hurt.

Editor's note: I recorded audio for this post because my good friend, Leslie, wrote to tell me - "What I like best about your blog...your voice.....you could be on radio." And as a guy easily influenced by flattery, I had no choice but to resume recording ASAP. Hey, I need all the fans I can get!]

I have long felt that one certain measure of success in any endeavor is whether all participants have emerged unscathed. "Not getting hurt" are words by which I try to live. And while I'm the first to admit that Jim Morrison was speaking pure truth when he wrote the lyric - "No one here gets out alive" - he did not write "Everybody here is going to end up in the Emergency Room".

But sometimes Life takes us there anyway. I was there just yesterday morning.

To bring you briefly through the weekend at my family reunion: After a Friday night filled with cards and drenched with alcohol, Saturday dawned cloudy and rainy. But the forecast called for better things later in the day, so we proceeded with our plan to spend the day at Kenwood Heritage Park in Cadillac, MI. Cousins B4 & S drove over from Houghton Lake with their mom (Aunt-D) and their families. Sister-S and her family stopped to pick up Grandma on their way to Cadillac. And by about 1 PM, we were all assembled at the park. The Boy and I made a quick run to the local grocery store to pick up the 30 hamburgers, 30 hot dogs and 24 bratwursts I estimated we would consume - along with buns and condiments. As usual, I overbought - but we were able to keep the leftover meat cold and send it back to Houghton Lake with my cousins at the end of the day. After a second straight night of cards and drinking, there was some quick pool time for the kids Sunday morning after breakfast, then packing to check out.

Here's where the excitement begins. When my mom brought Uncle-R some breakfast to his room, he complained of feeling lousy. I stopped by his room a little later to check on him and he said he was starting to feel much better. He told me he'd slept most of the previous night in Cousin-A's room (so that his room with the kitchenette could be used for late-night card play) but had woken up early that morning feeling poorly and decided to head back to his room to try and get a bit more rest. Unfortunately, his room key was giving him problems and he nearly passed out in the hallway - but in the nick of time, the key opened the door and he barely made it to his bed.

Uncle-R told me things had taken a turn for the better around 9 AM - and by the time of our visit (between 9:15 - 9:45 AM), he was feeling better. So I left him to pack up my room, load the car, and get cleaned up for departure. When I emerged from my shower not quite an hour later, The Girl told me that a doctor was in my uncle's room. By the time I had gotten some clothes on, an ambulance had arrived and they had him on a gurney for transport to the hospital. He was shaking and clearly agitated (although he told me that he was not in great pain), so I put my hand on his shoulder while they waited for the elevator and urged him to do what he could to calm himself. When the ambulance headed out of the hotel parking lot a few minutes later, I was the only family member in a position to follow (since most of the others had children to look after or had been interrupted in packing the cars for checkout), so I headed to Mercy Hospital Cadillac with the Girl and The Boy.

I was able to provide the hospital staff with some of the information they needed to formally admit him and after a few minutes was allowed to go back to see my uncle. Although it was unclear what, if anything, the staff there had been able to do for him, Uncle-R was clearly feeling better. He was no longer agitated - but seemed in good spirits, teasing The Boy about wearing his baseball cap at an odd angle - very much as he had seemed to me when I visited his room earlier that morning. Both The Boy and The Girl got a chance to see Uncle-R (to ease their minds); soon Cousin-A and his wife (BK) and two sons had also arrived. I watched their boys so that A & BK could see The Patient, sending The Boy and Girl out to get some food after a bit (since The Boy had slept sufficiently late that he had missed breakfast at the hotel).

At around 1 pm, the medical staff had still drawn no conclusions as to whether Uncle-R would have to spend the night at Mercy Hospital, if he would be discharged, or some other alternative. I offered to BK that I would take their kids and mine to my Grandmother's house (about 45 minutes away) so that they would not need to worry about hospitalized parents and bored children all at the same time. This turned out to be a good plan since the decision to hold Uncle-R overnight and move him to a regular room was not made until very late in the afternoon. Although it was suspected that some malfunction of his pacemaker caused all of Sunday morning's excitement, I still can't confirm that as a fact. Doctors are also concerned about the function of my uncle's kidneys (or lack thereof) and think he may have had a heart attack.

So, at present:

- My uncle remains at Mercy Hospital Cadillac,
- My mother spent the night at her mother's home outside Evart, MI
- The last we saw Cousin-A and his family, they were passing us heading south on I-75
- The Middle-Aged Woman arrived safely home from Chicago before 5 PM local time
- The Girl, The Boy and I arrived home about 9:45 pm from the 2009 Knight Gathering...

Where almost nobody got hurt. So don't you go getting yourself hurt. Or should I say -

Take care.

Euchre as a blood sport

2009-07-26T08:00:00.009-04:00

Every family has, I think, its own unique ways of interrelating - accepted methods of showing affection, of speaking to each other, of spending time together. I would describe the distinguishing characteristics of my mother's family in this way: simple devotion to the supremacy of blood ties over all others - combined with aggressive extroversion and fueled by intense competitiveness. If this all sounds rather pathological...well, in some ways it is. We're the people you see who have too much to drink at a party, who talk too loud, who say things they regret the next morning.

But before you, dear reader, get the wrong impression - I should add: My mom's family are also quite a tight-knit group; they are affectionate, they are playful, they are funny. They don't take any sh*t from anybody. They've got your back. I'm one of them.

One of the popular ways to pass time at our family reunions is to play cards and have a drink. Drinking is optional - but card playing is expected. And it is a rather serious business, too. The game of choice is euchre. Oh, we'll play other things: cribbage, spades, pinochle, crazy eights. But the real game is euchre.

Friday night, I was involved in two noteworthy euchre incidents. The events are rarely about card playing itself - but more how the game can be a revealer of character (or, sometimes, lapses of character).

In the first, I was playing a game partnered with my Uncle-R against my mother and The Boy. And they were kicking our @$$es. Normally, this would grate on my uncle a good deal - but he was actually taking things pretty well. In fact, what was really getting on his nerves was my mom's seeming inability to keep her mind on the game. She was oftentimes more preoccupied with providing (or eating) snacks to keep play moving forward. [Note: Euchre is a simple game played with five cards dealt to each player. The pace of play is expected to be brisk - particularly amongst seasoned players.]

By the third game, fortunes seemed to have shifted, and Uncle-R and I were finally leading by a few points. Then my mother bid a hand and, during the third or fourth trick, when it appeared she might lose the hand, reneged (failed to follow suit during play). When this was pointed out, she said she had forgotten which suit was trump (even though she was the one that had "named" trump). Anyway, this was the last straw for Uncle-R; who was more p*ssed off, I think, by my mother's inattentiveness to the game than her error. He wanted the two points that the rules say our team was entitled to. My mother was offended at his tone - declared the game was over and kicked my uncle out of her hotel room (where he was supposed to sleep that night). I invited Uncle-R to bunk in our room for the night (since we had two beds and a sleeper sofa) and the world continued to spin.

Later that same night, I got involved in another euchre game with my Brother, Cousin-A and his wife, BK. BK and I were partners against Brother and Cousin-A. By this point in the night, all of the other players were feeling no pain (I was not partaking of alcoholic beverages that night). Until Brother made a remark that aroused the mock outrage of Cousin-A and BK; whereupon they began to strike him about the head and shoulders - literally!

Now, don't get me wrong - it was kind of fun to watch. But both Brother and I were surprised by the aggressive nature of the blows. Mine was more amusement - with a few comments thrown in that I hoped I would not be the next target. Brother's was more pain and shock combined with a bit of whining (looking for sympathy that would never come). But, in any case, they gave him a few good wallops. And play soon continued as though nothing unusual had happened; and, of course, nothing very unusual had happened. That's just how we roll.

I'm glad to say that no blood was actually spilled in any of these incidents. But the reunion is far from over. You never know what might happen next.

I'm just hoping for a loaner hand.

Take care.

Knight Gathering: Day One

2009-07-25T10:00:00.002-04:00

The Trip: The Girl, The Boy and I traveled from Redford to Cadillac yesterday afternoon. I got off work early so we were able to get on the road a little after 4 PM, each of us armed and dangerous with a fully-loaded iPod. The Girl had prepared a special 18-song Steely Dan playlist for the trip. The Boy was up next with an impromptu DJ session featuring a few current faves downloaded from iTunes (Ben Folds, Eric Hutchenson, Mat Kearney) and some prime ELO cuts. I get in a few songs at the very end of the trip from Springsteen, Was (Not Was) and Nat (King) Cole. The best part is listening to the kids sing harmony parts on a song that was popular long before they were born; all three of us wailing to Mr. Blue Sky or Route 66, for example

Arrival: Mom, Uncle-R, Brother and his family, Sister-W and her family, Cousin-A and his family were all present when we arrived around 8:30 pm local time. [Sister-S is picking up Grandma for arrival this morning. Still waiting to hear from Cousins-B4 and S.]

The kids all enjoyed the pool - the adults enjoyed having the kids entertain themselves. The Girl was a big hit in our room with all my cousins' younger children gathered around her and her laptop as she found kid-appropriate content on YouTube. I got my wireless router and Roku player hooked up in the room so the kids could watch part of a movie before bed. The adults played cards.

Which is a post unto itself. So come back soon for our next installment -

Euchre as a blood sport

Don't miss it!

Take care.

Meet the cast

2009-07-24T06:00:00.003-04:00

The Girl, the Boy and I travel to my family reunion later today; specifically, a gathering of the progeny of my mother's parents. Since I expect my posting for the next few days will center around reunion events, let's meet our cast, shall we?

Grandma: My mother's mother is 98 years old. She'll be 99 next March 1. She lives in Evart, MI - so we hold the reunion in the nearest garden spot, Cadillac. My grandmother is one of my favorite people on the planet.

Aunt-D: My grandmother had three children. Her oldest, Bill, was deaf. He and his wife, my Aunt-D, had two children; the oldest (a boy) is my Cousin-B4 and his sister, Cousin-S. My Uncle Bill died in a car accident before I was born. His children were so small, they hardly knew him. My Aunt-D is a wonderful, gentle woman. When she was growing up, use of sign language by the deaf was strongly discouraged. She can lip-read like nobody's business. Although I have always been somewhat self-conscious when talking with her (tending to speak too loudly, instead of just exaggerating my enunciating slightly to make the lip-reading easier), I love her dearly.

Cousin-B4: is the oldest child of my generation. My great-grandfather (my mother's father's father) was William Wallace Knight (remember Braveheart?), nicknamed "The Boss". WWK was born in Scotland before emigrating to the US. His son, my grandfather, was William Wallace Knight II. My Uncle Bill, who I never had the chance to meet, was WWK III. And so you can see why I decided to refer to my oldest cousin as B4. He can be gut-bustingly funny; he also knows how to build a great bonfire. He and his lovely wife, MK, have three pretty girls. The oldest is almost exactly the same age as The Girl (Ms. Partly Cloudy, first-fruit of my loins). They also have twins. There will be no William Wallace Knight V. But if that ever caused my cousin a restless moment, he never let on. He loves his girls with a passion.

Cousin-S: is also slightly older than me. She and her husband, MN, have three boys - and (finally) one girl. Then they stopped. Their oldest is about the same as The Boy (second - and last - fruit of my loins).

Uncle-R: My mother's older brother is in his mid-70s. Some recent health problems have slowed him down a bit; but he is still the original Angry Old Man. He loves to read and collect art - but he has no room to keep any more books or prints. Although he has a prickly personality, I love my Uncle dearly. He is old-school; family comes first. Although it is never discussed, I think he has been in some measure like a father to my Cousins B4 and S. And I think he still misses his brother, Bill, after all these years. I'm not sure he ever had a better friend that his brother.

Uncle-R had three boys with his wife - then he had a rather bitter divorce. I remember as a kid being somewhat afraid of my uncle. He used to have quite a temper and - like nearly everyone on my mother's side of the family (including me) - can be QUITE LOUD!!!

Cousin-A: The oldest of my Uncle's three boys (about a year younger than me - close in age to my Brother). Along with B4, he is a premiere jokester. After a brief marriage and divorce, Cousin-A has settled down with his second wife, BK, and they have two boys.

Cousin-T: Lives with his (relatively) new bride in Washington. They are expecting their first child this summer and I don't expect them to be in town for the reunion.

Cousin-J: The youngest of Uncle-R's boys. He and his dad don't always get along. He and his wife have one son. They have been to the reunion in several years.

Mom: My mom was the youngest in her family - and the girl. So, my Uncle says, she got away with murder. She and my dad (now divorced) had four kids. I am the oldest.

Brother: Is slightly less than a year younger than me. We both have June birthdays - mine is the 29th, his is the 7th. He is a regional manager for K-Mart living outside Green Bay, WI. He used to be the black sheep of our family - but he's become Mr. Family Man. He and his wife, BW, have three kids (girl, boy, girl).

Sister-W: Is four years younger than me. She has twins, two divorces, and a new man in her life. We sometimes go for years at a stretch without seeing her at the family reunion - but she is supposed to be coming this year.

Sister-S: My youngest sister is the one we tend to see most often. Her husband and I have compatible interests; and the Middle-Aged Woman likes Sister-S better than anyone in her own family (I think); so it makes for a good double-date. They have two beautiful little girls.

Well, that's probably more than you wanted to know - but hopefully it will come in good use when trying to figure out who I'm talking about in my posts for the next couple days. When next you hear from me, I will be in Cadillac, Michigan.

Take care.

The Scottish Play

2009-07-23T06:00:00.003-04:00

Yep - that's me in the back row, far left. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR matey!

Now that the play is over, I'm hoping to have more time to write. My blog output since return from vacation has been pretty shameful. But maybe I'm just facing the reality that I can't continue to stay up until 1 or 2 AM each morning, thinking deep thoughts (at least they seem so at that hour) and writing them down.

Anyway, my family reunion is this weekend - so the The Girl, The Boy and I are headed to Cadillac, MI on Friday. Although it would seem that my output would suffer under such conditions, I expect that the hotel will have free Internet - and that I can borrow a laptop from either my kids or my job.

Let the good times roll.

And speaking of roles: Next time I get to be a slob. More on that later.

Take care.

15 Books

2009-07-21T06:00:00.001-04:00

My friend, Khai, sent out a note on Facebook with her top 15 books of all time. And since I spent a goodly amount of time responding (picking the books was easy; writing the blurbs took a while), I decided to turn it into a two-fer - a Facebook note and a blog post. If you'd like to play the game too (I think the Middle-Aged Woman is posting her list sometime this week...), I have included Khai's rules (not mine - I don't play by the rules) below.

[Khai's Rules: Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you've read that stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes. Tag 15 friends, including the originator, so your friends can see what books you chose. (To do this in Facebook, go to your Notes tab on your profile page, paste rules in a new note, cast your 15 picks, and tag people in the note - upper right hand side). These are the books I can read over and over and over again. I've read a lot of classics AND fluff books.]

Jim Styro's 15 Books:

The Bible (Various authors) - Yeah, I know...it's not an easy read. In fact, there are plenty of parts you could skip over - and I'm betting God wouldn't mind a bit. But there's nothing else quite like it. I prefer The Jerusalem Bible - but NIV or RSV are good too.

The World According to Garp (John Irving) - I love Irving...and this is still my favorite. His stories are rich, his characters are real. No American author in the second half of the Twentieth Century can equal the consistent quality of his novels.

M*A*S*H (Richard Hooker) - M*A*S*H is a phenomenon which I came upon in reverse order; TV show, film, then book. Each one has its unique value and charm. But I think so few people have read the book as compared to its video off-spring, that I feel the need to recommend it.

Slaughterhouse Five (Kurt Vonnegut) - I also love Vonnegut and it was either this or "Jailbird" (another wonderful book). But Slaughterhouse Five was the entryway for me to the rest of his stuff, so it gets the nod.

The Lord Of The Rings (J.R.R. Tolkien) - I guess this is a cheat - but it's a good cheat; three books for the price of one (choice). You don't have to love fantasy - you only have to love good writing and a good story to enjoy Tolkien. A reminder that every happy ending comes at a price.

Schindler's List (Thomas Keneally) - Keneally brings us both the horror of the Holocaust and a tale of unexpected redemption in the story of an unlikely savior. I have championed both the book and film since so many seem to have shied away thinking that the material is "too depressing". Neither life or this book is that simple; give them both a chance.

The Story Of Philosophy (Will Durant) - My life would be much poorer without having been exposed to some of the great thinkers of the ages through Durant's primer.

The Civil War (Shelby Foote) - If you don't care for history, then read Shelby Foote. A novelist takes on the greatest events in American history and brings them alive. If you've seen Ken Burns' documentary or read Michael Shaara's novels of the Civil War, you owe it to yourself to read Foote's three volumes.

Lonesome Dove (Larry McMurtry) - I would argue that this is the finest American novel of the second half of the Twentieth Century. No one book can cover all of what it means to be human - but this comes close.

Jurassic Park (Michael Crichton) - If you've only seen the film, you don't know the whole story. Crichton is an idea man - not always a great writer; but this book is a compelling page-turner - and it makes you think.

The Burden of Proof (Scott Turow) - I could never understand why Grisham got all the good press. Turow is a superior writer - and this is a great book which grapples with the complexity of relationships. (Which reminds me that I probably should have included something from John Updike - but I think Turow is more accessible.)

Catch 22 (Joseph Heller) - A tour de force. So funny and angry - full of horror, lunacy, despair - and a ray of hope. Too rich a diet for regular meals - but it sticks to your ribs.

The Complete Peanuts (Charles Schultz) - Watterson's "Compleat Calvin and Hobbes" is leaner and meaner. But Sparky is the original. The humanity is always shining through - even when it's a beagle.

The Beatles Recording Sessions: The Official Abbey Road Studio Session Notes
(Mark Lewisohn) - An absolutely indispensable historical record for anyone who loves music. Because anyone who loves music, loves the Beatles.

The Stand (Stephen King) - King is, arguably, the premiere storyteller of his generation. And this is his greatest story.

Perhaps some of your favorites are listed above - maybe it's all new to you. If you love a good book, I'm betting that you would enjoy nearly anything listed above. If you do decide to try one out that you've never read before, let me know how it goes.

Take care.

The Lazy Man's Guide to (Almost) Everything

2009-07-17T07:30:00.002-04:00

Say - do you ever read my wife's blog?

Did you ever think to yourself, "I really need a Ulysses S. Grant doll!"?*

Did you ever think to yourself, "Who the hell is Ulysses S. Grant ?"

If the answer to any of these questions is "Yes", then today's post may be of interest to you (clicking on the links above will make things clearer).

If not, I apologize.

Take care.

* The tale really starts here

The Waiting Room

2009-07-16T07:00:00.003-04:00

Before 7 am, the hospital is relatively quiet. Now that the Middle-Aged Woman has been ushered behind closed doors by a nurse, I'm alone in the waiting room. Of course, the ever-present television is a constant companion - but we're not on speaking terms - so I'm mostly ignoring the stream of information spewing forth from the local morning news show (The tanker accident on I-75 last night which has a couple miles of the freeway closed is the story du jour. The wreckage that used to be a bridge over 9 Mile Road is still smoking.). I've spent a good deal of time in waiting rooms over the past two years. The different tests and treatments that the MAW has undergone normally involve drugs that make operation of a motor vehicle inadvisable - so I'm the designated driver,

I also do comedy relief when necessary. Whenever The Patient is nervous (rarely) or agitated (more frequent - but this can be caused by so many things...), I will often attempt to lighten the situation with humor. And I'm not above making fun of The Patient (let's face it - wearing one of those gowns with the exposed caboose can turn you into a joke magnet) when necessary - or convenient.

When I'm not driving or working on my stand-up routine, I'll read - or try to sleep. Actually, that doesn't sound like such a bad idea right now. Once The Patient emerges, I'm sure you'll get a Twitter, Facebook or blog update on her condition. Look sharp and...

Take care.

I owe a cock to Ascelpius

2009-07-15T06:00:00.002-04:00

Yeah - I'm talkin' to you, Crito!

OK, so I realized that there was no way in Hades that I was going to be able to prepare a post after getting home from the Harry Potter flick tonight. So I'm taking a few minutes (when I should be taking a cat nap) to write out these few measly lines.

So how about these for contradictions:

- I love sleep. I think it is important - and entirely undervalued in contemporary American culture. I regularly harp on my (nearly) adult children to get to bed and a decent hour.

AND...I'm going to the midnight show of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince tonight and don't expect to get home until close to 3 AM. If I wasn't doing that, I'd probably be up until 1 AM writing a blog post (better than this one).

- I'm nearly always busy. There is rarely a night that I come home from work and vegetate in front of the TV. I'm either attending a martial arts class, a choir practice, a meeting at church or the Youth Theater or writing a blog post.

AND...I loved doing as little as possible on my vacation. I love doing as little as possible whenever I can get away with it. Deep inside me, is a lazy man yearning to breathe free.

- I love attention. Clearly my outgoing nature, my penchant for theater and public speaking, the blogging are all designed to get other people to notice me, to tell me how talented I am, to love me.

AND...I don't really know how to accept a compliment gracefully. I tend to protest that I am unworthy or offer a contradictory critique. I am learning how to just say "Thank you" which is probably the best I will ever be able to do.

There's more...but I really need to get that cat nap.

Take care.

PS: [3:38 am] Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince was great!

Not yet in the groove

2009-07-14T06:00:00.001-04:00

I'm telling myself I could have written a GREAT post tonight.

But I didn't. I watched The English Patient (Best Picture 1996) instead. A fine film.

I sometimes wonder about myself though. How is it that I enjoy The English Patient and The Big Lebowski?

I think I need to do a post on such (seeming) contradictions. Once I shake off this post-vacation malaise. Of course, that could take all week.

Wednesday's post will be a crap shoot in any case - 'cause we're going to see the midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince tomorrow. Perhaps a mini-Styro review.

With no spoilers.

Take care.

We're Back

2009-07-13T07:00:00.001-04:00

The Middle-Aged Woman and I arrived home from Petoskey, MI on Friday night after a wonderful week there with Leslie and Larry - celebrating Independence Day, golfing, eating, talking, shopping. Mostly relaxing. MAW took the pictures - so check her blog for the visuals.

Today, I return to work and the normal routine, well-rested and ready-to-go. As soon as I'm done typing, I'm going to get in some exercise time to start the work week right. But first, a few random updates from the weekend.

- It was great to get back to martial arts class on Saturday morning. It felt good just to sweat (profusely), to see good friends I had missed, and have a leisurely lunch afterward.

- The opening performance of the Macbeth farce at the Motor City Youth Theater Saturday night was nerve-racking (for me - because I had missed the last week of rehearsal) but turned out well. Two good friends came for the show and were able to hang out afterward and visit with the MAW and me. It was nice.

- The weather was so nice Sunday, I asked The Boy if he wanted to go golfing. Although we golfed at the Twilight rate (which allows you to play as many holes as you want while the sun still shines), he wanted to stop after 11 holes. A surprise - but I don't think he was having fun (despite parring the last hole).

- Watched Vicky Christina Barcelona last night. It has its moments - but the whole thing doesn't really go anywhere, does it?

I plan to return to regular posting now that vacation time is over. Hope I've got something interesting to say.

Take care.

Are you in the play, Jim?

2009-07-08T06:00:00.004-04:00

The answer, of course, is - yes.

This weekend and next, the Motor City Youth Theatre and Grantland Street Players and putting on two different productions on alternate nights. The Youth Theatre are performing Hamlet on Friday night and Sunday afternoon this weekend (July 10 and 12 - with a final performance the following Sunday afternoon, July 19). The Grantland Street Players (the adult wing of the Theater - with whom I will be performing) will be presenting The Farndale Avenue Housing Estate Townswomen's Guild Dramatic Society's Production of Macbeth on Saturday, July 11 and again the following weekend on Friday, July 17 and Saturday, July 18.

The version of Hamlet done by the youth will be an edited version of the full play - but the production is true to the spirit of the drama and tragedy of the original. I have both watched and performed in other productions done by the MCYT kids - and they are very talented.

The Farndale Avenue...Macbeth is a comedy about a group of British ladies trying to put on Shakespeare's Macbeth - with some difficulty. Imagine Monty Python doing Macbeth in drag - that'll give you an idea of the spirit behind this comedy. But we have real women performing most of the roles.

Anyway, either one of these productions would be a fine night out for you and your family. Particularly if you live somewhere near southeastern Michigan. You can go to the Motor city Youth Theater website (http://mcyt.org/) for more information (you may even find a picture of me there somewhere from a previous production) - or leave me a comment, if you need me to send an email with details.

Vacation update: We went on a nature trail hike today (everyone but the Middle-Aged Woman; if you want an explanation, bug her) outside Harbor Springs. And watched Episodes 4 & 5 of The Civil War (1863). And took a walk into Petoskey State Park after dinner and strolled along the beach there. And watched Gran Torino (everyone but the Middle-Aged Woman; if you want an explanation...) - which was great.

So it was a good day. Hope yours was too.

Take care.

Free Man in Petoskey

2009-07-07T06:00:00.002-04:00

One of the many nice things about vacationing away from home is removing yourself from the routine obligations and tasks of every-day life. No meetings to attend, no practices, no particular schedule to meet. The luxury of sleeping or staying up late, taking a nap, going to bed early. Having the entire day to read or watch films - broken up by meals and conversation. A day when the most important thing you have to plan is a list for the grocery store.

That's a little different than my normal routine.

Of course, there are still a few activities I would like to work in before the end of the week. But if I don't get to all of them, it won't spoil my enjoyment of the things I end up doing.

- Spend some time on the lake paddling a kayak

- Ride a bike or walk down to the beach at Petoskey State Park

- Play some cards with Leslie and Larry

- Play some tennis and/or have a swim in the (indoor) pool

It has been a bit cool and breezy lately, so outdoor swimming hasn't been an option. On the other hand, there has been little or no rain - so the weather has not much limited our ability to enjoy the outdoors. Although it wasn't warm today, Larry and I enjoyed the natural beauty of the golf course immensely. Driving through the woods quietly in an electric golf cart with the breeze in your hair and a small stream running nearby is pretty cool when you are used to lots of concrete and traffic and a hectic schedule.

My only real obligation this week is to finish memorizing my lines for the play I will be performing in on Saturday (and Friday & Saturday next weekend as well). I'm in good shape for all but my long speech that closes the play - but I made good progress on that bit tonight. I plan to work on my lines each night this week so that I will have it all down cold by the time we leave on Friday.

Having this time to relax, to reflect, to be refreshed is a great blessing. Although I can (and often) do these Three R's at home, it's quite nice to have an extended opportunity to "get away from it all".

Wherever you are, I hope you will find a way to do the Three R's too.

Take care.

"Why don't you give yourself over...to Pleasure?!"

2009-07-06T06:00:00.002-04:00

Jim Styro's Meaning Of Life, Part Thirteen

I'm just about smack dab in the middle of a two-week vacation. So far, I have enjoyed myself immensely - golfing, talking, eating, golfing, drinking, listening to music, golfing, shopping, watching films...and golfing. Tomorrow, Larry and I plan to...go golfing. The truth is that we have been ordered to go golfing by our wives - because they want go putzing around in thrift shops tomorrow and don't want us messing it up for them. I secretly suspect that Larry would prefer to hit the thrift shops with the women - but I figure we can hit the thrift shops too (after our round). So hopefully, I can make it up to him.

It will be my sixth day of golf in the past eleven days - which is certainly a personal best for me (depending on how you look at it). I've actually been slacking in the Golf Dept. since we got to Petoskey last Thursday - but there's no way I could have continued the torrid pace of play from last week (five rounds in six days) without my arms falling off. Anyway, I love golf - not because I golf well - because a golf course is just a beautiful place to be. Beautifully green, well-tended, often with rolling hills, trees, a pond or stream here and there. It is the height of luxury, I think, to spend a few hours where the only concern is trying to knock a small white ball into a slightly larger hole.

That thought leads me towards a whole series of ideas concerning enjoyment, vacations, pleasure and leisure, which all touch upon the question:
What is The Secret to enjoying yourself?

We've touched upon some aspects to the question in our past MOL discussions -

You've got to know what you enjoy, what will make you happy.

You've got to align your expectations to reality.

It helps to have people around you who desire your happiness and want to share it.

But being in my current circumstance (in the middle of a two-week vacation with good friends, no responsibilities and the means to do nearly anything I desire) highlights one overriding consideration concerning The Secret:
Will I allow myself to have a good time?

For in much the same way the a person can look a golf course and appreciate the natural beauty, feel exhilaration in the challenge of the game itself, or just enjoy a few hours spent with a buddy in the fresh air - another might focus only on shots that went awry, the cost of the golf balls that were lost, or how fast/slow the greens were playing. Any of these elements may reflect the reality of the experience - but our enjoyment of the experience is based just as much (if not more) on which elements we CHOOSE TO focus on.

Why would we EVER choose to focus on the negative aspects of the experience? Perhaps because the overwhelming majority of elements of an experience were "bad" (or did not meet our expectation). But is other cases, it may be that our attitude was not shaped by the experience (we don't feel good because so many bad things actually happened) - but rather, our attitude shaped the experience (we "knew" beforehand things would go badly, things happened, we decided they were bad, repeat Steps 1,2, and 3). Maybe I don't really believe I deserve a nice vacation. Maybe I don't think I've earned the right to enjoy myself. In my experience, people don't always need a good reason to punish themselves.

So perhaps the first element in enjoying yourself is to remember or decide that - it's OK to have a good time. It's allowed.

Perhaps this is only an issue of middle-aged, white American men - but I doubt it.

Lest you be concerned: I am not having any problems along these lines. In the words of Elwood P. Dowd, "I have a wonderful time, wherever I am, whoever I'm with." Of course, Elwood drank.

But so do I.

Take care.

PS: I may write some more about this. Or I may be having too much fun on vacation. You never know.

Musical Matchmaking

2009-07-03T06:00:00.002-04:00

The morning, as scheduled, the Middle-Aged Woman and I left the cozy confines of suburban Detroit for the small-town splendor of Petoskey, MI. (For those of you who need a map, please refer to this post.) In preparation for our departure last night, I created a couple of compilation CDs for Leslie and Larry.

One of the discs featured a selection of 25 Nat (King) Cole tracks, including his big hits and many personal favorites. I noticed Larry grooving to the King Cole Trio's Straighten Up And Fly Right during our drive home from Greenbush to Detroit on Monday and decided then and there to make sure that he receive a more in-depth exposure to Cole's music.

A slight digression: Jim Styro's Top Five Nat (King) Cole tracks
[This is very difficult...]

1. Straighten Up And Fly Right - This really swings. Such energy, so playful. Pure gold.
2. Nature Boy - Although I normally detest an artist rerecording their own work, some of Cole's tracks really benefit from the maturing of his voice and some fantastic new orchestral arrangements. This song is an example.
3. There Will Never Be Another You - A personal favorite. The man has so many astounding ballads that picking particular tracks is painful. The first time I ever heard this song was in the film version of The World According To Garp. A wonderful, heart-breaking lyric.
4. Stardust - As an amateur vocalist myself, I've got one question: how the HELL can he make this song sound so effortless?
5. Don't Get Around Much Anymore - What an arrangement! So smooth, so much swagger. It's the bomb. That's why he's the King. (Jump back, Elvis, Michael or anyone else you want to mention. Who needs Sinatra when you can have Nat?)

OK - where were we?

Oh yeah - so I also made L&L a collection of 19 Jonatha Brooke tracks (both solo and with The Story). I'm not sure Jonatha has had any songs which would qualify as "hits" exactly - but if you haven't heard this woman's music, you need to run (don't dawdle) to Amazon and buy some now. (I am willing to provide recommendations at no charge.) We were listening to some of my personal collections during our drive Monday and it struck me how many times I have included Jonatha's music. I also recalled Larry expressing interest in her music at some previous Music Night gatherings; he may have even borrowed a CD or two. Anyway, I decided he needed to possess more of Jonatha's music as well.

[Dear Jonatha: In penance for giving some of your music away, I promise to buy another copy of "The Works" and give that as a gift as well. Love, Jim Styro]

Another digression: Jim Styro's Top Five Jonatha Brooke songs
[I can believe I'm doing this to myself again. So hard...]

1. The Angel In The House (The Story) - This is the first track that really got my attention. Such a bittersweet lyric - and Jonatha's vocal range is glorious.
2. Where Were You? - The word that comes to mind again is "swagger". On her first solo album, Jonatha rocks out with impunity. I particularly love the homage to "Here Comes The Sun" that closes this number.
3. Because I Told You So - What this lady can do with just her voice and a guitar is amazing. A wonderful lyric of devotion - a personal favorite.
4. Linger - Great, ringing guitars. When the chorus kicks in, who can resist punching the accelerator? "Here I go-oh-woh-woh-woh-woh-woh..."
5. No Net Below - Few artists are brave enough to be heard so up close and personal. This track is recorded so that you can hear every breath, like she's whispering the song into your ear. In the dictionary, the word "intimate" refers back to this record.

Damn - it's getting hard to remember what I was going to write about when I started this.
Oh, I remember...

So we're listening to a Jonatha Brooke song ("No Net Below" actually) on the way to Petoskey today and Snoplum says:

"I think it would be great if Jonatha Brooke covered a Steve Ward song. What's that "river" song I like?"

"Well, there's a few of them: do you mean Flow (river flow) - or The River Leads Me Home - or Down By..."

"That one. River Leads Me Home."

"I think she should cover Kid Yourself. It's probably his most Jonatha-like song. Or, if she wants to do a ballad, I would suggest Still Life"

"Well, I think they should do a duet on The River Leads Me Home."

"OK"

"They should work together on a record. Jonatha has her own label. She can hire whoever she wants to work on her records..."

"OK - but...they seem like very different types of artists to me - in so far as you can make judgements about what a person may be like based on their art. Steve Ward is...a disillusioned optimist - and Jonatha is an optimistic cynic."

"Oh - that's a post!"

"What's a post"

"What you just said about Steve Ward and Jonatha Brooke."

"I thought it was more something I might put in a Random Tuesday Thoughts thing - not a whole post just for that."

"No - you have to write a post with that and we'll send copies of it to Steve Ward and Jonatha Brooke so that they can start working together. And I will be responsible for having brought together two musical geniuses."

"You'll be responsible? Does that mean you're writing the post?"

"No - you're writing it. I'll be...distributing it."

[Think of the great scene in Schindler's List where Neeson (as Schindler) meets Ben Kingsley (as the accountant Stern): "Not the work, not the work...the PRESENTATION."]

Last digression: Jim Styro's Top Five Steve Ward tracks
[So...painful...]

1. Careful (Can't Fall Again) [Cherry Twister] - So hard to pick only one Cherry Twister number. But I love the slide guitar on this number (it reminds me so much of Steely Dan's Pearl of the Quarter) and the harmonies are sublime. This is the softer side of Steve.
2. I Missed The Mark - The opening track of Steve's first solo album, Opening Night. From the joyous organ strains that open the song to the closing guitar lick, this is no rookie music-making. This is alternative pop from a man who knows how to write, how to play, how to sing, how to produce a record. How can this guy not be both rich and famous?!?!?!?!
3. Still Life - A near perfect pop song. I won't even attempt to describe its pristine beauty. Go buy "Opening Night"!
4. The Death of Star - Oh and do you like psychedelic pop too? Well the Doctor is in! The arrangement to this song is mind-blowing; like Art Garfunkel doing Strawberry Fields Forever.
5. Kid Yourself - The closing song on Steve's second (and last, so far - dammit) album, See and Be Seen. "Someone's got a secret to tell..." - indeed; and the secret is: Steve Ward is a pop music genius.

OK - so to sum up:
1. Go buy all of Steve Ward's albums (quit whining - there's only three. You'll thank me later.)2. Go buy any three Jonatha Brooke albums
3. If you already know about Steve and/or Jonatha - and you have any powerful friends that can bring these to talents together, then lend your voice to mine. Send emails, make phone calls, alert your Senator, Congressman, Obama!

We need them to make beautiful music together.

Take care.

PS: I had to finish off this post in the parking lot of the Petoskey Burger King where I was barely able to steal their free Internet access. So please excuse any typos, bad grammar, stupid ideas, etc.

Personal best

2009-07-02T06:00:00.002-04:00

My vacation started last Friday, June 26. In the six days since then, I have played a round of golf all but one day (Monday - my birthday - when we drove home from Greenbush to Redford). And on four of the five days I played, we shot a full 18 holes. So I've played 81 holes in the last week. I've never played golf five out of six days. I may never do it again. But it certainly raises the bar for future golf planning.

Tomorrow, we drive to Petoskey to spend the week with our good friends, Leslie and Larry, at their condo. Although I expect to do lots of different things over the next week, my one critical duty will be to provide suitable films to watch for periods of inclement weather or days when a quiet evening at the condo is desired. I always take way more video that could possibly be watched. It's my way of keeping options open.

Here's what will go in the movie bag:

Gran Torino - Clint Eastwood's latest, filmed (in part) around Metro Detroit where I abide. Of the four of us, only Larry has already seen it.

Ken Burns' documentaries, The Civil War & The War (WWII) - Leslie had been reading a novel set during the Civil War and desired additional background. Nobody's better at making history interesting than Burns.

Frost Nixon - Nominated for Best Picture last year with great performances from Frank Langella and Michael Sheen. I believe I'm the only one who's already seen it.

Swimming to Cambodia - Leslie and Larry weren't familiar with the late Spalding Gray (who the MAW and I love) - and their children are currently traveling in Thailand and...Cambodia.

Lonesome Dove - Larry mentioned he hadn't seen it. Most likely, too long to undertake - but you never know.

The Dark Knight - L&L haven't seen it. And they count on me for a good comic book movie now and again.

State and Main - A good comedy is always important to have ready. And I'm the only one who's seen this one.

Burn After Reading, Thank You For Smoking, Lars and The Real Girl - Three more comedies, because I'm the King of Video excess. Each of these has a different mix of funny and touching - with the Coens Brothers leaning more cerebral (as always) and Lars being on the opposite end of the spectrum.

The Times Of Harvey Milk - Because I haven't purchased Gus Van Sant's Milk yet. And that film owes a debt of gratitude to this earlier documentary.

The Adventures Of Baron Munchausen - Because I got the 20th Anniversary Edition for Father's Day (along with The Times of Harvey Milk).

A River Runs Through It - I love this movie. A great story of family.

Harvey - Perhaps my favorite move ever. A comedy - with heart.

Well, it's getting late - and I've got a big drive tomorrow. I hope to keep posting while we are out of town - but access to the Internet may be limited.
Keep a look-out for me. And I'll try my best to stay in touch.

Take care.

All You Ever Wanted To Know AboutThe Spinner Invitational

2009-07-01T06:00:00.000-04:00

(but were just too smart to ask)

-or- "How Nineteen Guys Got Owned By One Girl"

The 22nd Annual Spinner Invitational, held each year at the Bay Valley Resort, was a rousing success again this year. The 2009 Golf Festival was held last Friday and, despite the fact that my Twitter posts were few, uninformative and generally without merit - the overall event went off without a hitch.

Invitees met at 9 AM for the Past Champions Brunch to bulk up for the grueling day ahead, find out the handicaps and groupings for the event, and hear some words of advice from the reiging champion.

Brunch was held (as it has been for many years) at the Exit Restaurant in Birch Run, MI. The 2009 group photo below was taken just outside that establishment. Please note 2008 Champion Ed Kirt in the left center of the front row. You can't miss him; he's the guy wearing the coveted Orange Jumpsuit, that is awarded (temporarily) to each year's champion.

In the same tradition as the fabled Green Jacket awarded each spring at the Masters in Augusta, Georgia, the Orange Jumpsuit must be proudly worn by the reigning champion at brunch each year. Well, it must be worn anyway - and any grumbling kept to a minimum.

Can you guess from this photo who is the new 2009 Champion? No peeking to the end of the post! [What do you mean "I already gave it away?"]

We traveled the remaining 25 miles to Bay City and got down to business - golfing.

[That's The Boy below - striking his first shot ever at the Spinner Invitational.]

As I indicated in my last post, golf is only a small part of the event. In addition to the Past Champions Brunch and an informal 19th Hole gathering at Bay Valley, the group heads south to Frankenmuth, MI (on the way home for most participants) for the Governor's Awards Banquet. For most of the Invitational's 22 years, the banquet has been held at Zehnder's - where most of the attendees opt for the delicious, all-you-can-eat family-style chicken dinner.

As with any prestigious, long-standing event of this kind, there must be an organizing body to plan and execute all of the necessary activities - in this case, the Board of Governors (a group of men shrouded in mystery: beloved by many, feared by some; who wield their power Old Testament-style). Although I have come to know these men well during my years serving as the Director of Spinner Operations, it would be safer for me and you to avoid dwelling o'er-long on the Board.

Suffice it to say that: the Governor's Awards Banquet combines the storied tradition of Britain's Open Championship with the heady anticipation of the Academy Awards. The Invitational celebrates, not the fruits of golfing excellence, but rather the oftentimes rocky journey of the "hacker" whose limited opportunity to play does not reflect his/her love of the game. And the awards presented by the Board of Governors reflects this focus.

The winner of this year's "Cooke" award - for the most shots coming to rest in a sand trap:

The Duke of Inkster (with five)

The winner of this year's "Hannum" award - for the most shots striking trees:

Big Billy B. (with an astounding eleven)
[Bill is in the right of the photo, Chico is presenting the award at left.]

The winner of this year's "Morrison" award - for the most shots coming to rest in a body of water:

Larry* (with a respectable eight water balls)

The winner of this year's Capt. D.H. Wyatt Award - for the highest net score (the score adjusted by handicap):

Chico** (with a net 88)

And last - but not least - that golfer who persevered all of the hardships and self-doubt, whose very presence broke down barriers and brought hope to those who might not previously been bold enough to dream what seemed impossible;

the 2009 Winner of the W. T. Bigby Memorial Governor's Trophy:

Judy G. (with a net 65)

Check out this year's Champion with her posse:

I only wish you all could have been there. We had a great time.
And we'll do it again; same time, same place - next year.

Take care.

* A close friend, vacation buddy, member of the Music Night Federation and all-around cool guy; who with his wife, Leslie, is an originating member of the L2C2 Vacation Club.
** One of my closest friends, former boss, vacation buddy, Music Night co-founder and all-around cool guy; he and his wife, Chickadee, are also originating members of the C2L2 Vacation Club.

The Spinner Invitational

2009-06-26T06:00:00.003-04:00

In 1988, four guys working for the Internal Revenue Service in Detroit took the day off work and drove 100 miles to play golf in Bay City, Michigan.* They didn't realize it at the time - but they had inaugurated a tradition that would still be going strong over 20 years later.

This morning, 19 brave men (and one supremely brave woman) will venture to Bay City again - hoping to find golfing glory at the Bay Valley Resort. I was going to tell you all about it - but it's after 2 AM and I need my beauty rest. So here's a picture of last year's crew - scan those faces and try to figure out who won last year.

I'll just have to say this - and save the rest for later:

The Spinner Invitational isn't about golf - it's about camaraderie.

So, no matter how I shoot, I plan to enjoy the day. I will also be attempting to make real-time Twitter updates during the tournament (just follow jimstyro).

And I'll try to keep the next post from being so lame.

Take care.

* Right next to Saginaw, MI - a city immortalized in Paul Simon's classic America
("It took me four days to hitchhike from Saginaw / I've gone to look for America")

The Plan

2009-06-25T06:00:00.008-04:00

My vacation starts tomorrow. It will last about two weeks, cover several hundred miles and be broken into two major components.

Part 1: June 26 - June 29

Hanging at Wiser Times in Greenbush, Michigan. Our very good friends, Chico and Chickadee have a place on Lake Huron. We will spend a long weekend, hanging out, golfing and enjoying each others company. There will be anywhere from 2 - 4 couples and perhaps even children involved. But not mine.

Part 2: July 2 - July 10

Hanging with Leslie & Larry in Petoskey, Michigan. This is on the Lake Michigan side, up near the top of "The Mitten" (the Lower Peninsula of Michigan). It will be an extended version of the previous weekend's activities - but just the four of us. And we'll take in the annual Fourth of July parade in Harbor Springs (just across the Little Traverse Bay from Petoskey).

For our visually-inclined readers, I've included this detailed map of our planned travels. Part 1 will take us from the green dot to the blue dot to the purple dot and back. (At one point, we had planned to stay "up north" for the entire two weeks - but Snoplum likes to sleep in her own bed - so we're coming back home for a couple days. That way, we can maximize the number of hours in the car.) Part 2 will take us from the green dot to the red dot and back.
It's gonna be great.

But before all that comes the event that some men wait all year for. A competition of such historic proportions, grown men grow faint at the prospect.

FRIDAY: The 22nd Annual Spinner Invitational

Get the inside scoop tomorrow morning - right here.

Take care.

Flash fiction: Betrayal

2009-06-24T06:00:00.003-04:00

If you enjoy writing short stories, check out the Fiction Friday challenges by Jeanne at The Raisin Chronicles.

This week's challenge was/is: to write a piece of "flash fiction" - a short story of 100 words or less that begins with the phrase -

"We had differing agendas."

If you're interested in joining the fun, click on the link above.

Here's my story for this week.
==========================================

Betrayal

We had differing agendas. You wanted to be a free-spirit; making no commitments, going where and when you pleased. I did everything I could to win you over; bribing, cajoling, threatening. Nothing seemed to make an impression.

I was infuriated by the stench of your lies. How many times had you assured me there was nothing going on? How many times had I believed your empty promises; that you loved me, that you would come to me when your need grew too great, that it would never happen again.

“What’s that smell?”

“Daddy, me no need use potty!”

==========================================

Microsoft says that's 99 words. Hope you enjoyed them.

Take care.

RTT: My Random Past

2009-06-23T06:00:00.004-04:00

Here's some stuff I found in my Franklin Planner from 1996. To provide some content (which, of course, should be unnecessary for a bunch of random sh*t - but I'm going to do it anyway):

The Middle-Aged Woman and I had been married for ten years.

The Girl was 6 years old; The Boy, 4 - he started pre-school on January 9

I had worked for the Internal Revenue Service for nearly 13 years - and didn't know that I would be changing jobs before the end of the year.

That's enough d*mn context...

Jan. 4:

MAW put The Boy is his room for misbehaving. Entering his room to serve penance, he yelled out, trying to summon venom in his high-pitched four-year-old voice, the worst epithet he could muster -

"YA BIG BUTT!!"

and slammed the bedroom door. [We still laugh regularly about that incident.]

Jan. 11:

I figure there are two kinds of talkative people: the kind where a quieter person thinks "I wish I had said that" - and the kind where a quieter person thinks "I wish he'd SHUT UP!"

You want to be the former.

March 10:

If something is "good" only because it is new, then it will likely only be good while it is new.

March 26:

If a person is not willing to do something, then it doesn't much matter whether they are able to do that thing. You must be willing to act.

May 9:

A candidate for "The Biggest Lie You Can Tell Yourself"- Nothing I do will make a difference, will make things better.

June 5: (Editor's note - I titled this one, "Useless Thought")

All of the reasons a woman can give for not having sex boil down to the same reason - she didn't want to.

July 7:

Today, The Boy road his bike without training wheels for the first time. It finally shamed The Girl into trying.

August 13:

While donating blood today, the volunteers told me that my blood is so "clean", it can be given to infants during surgery.

Sept. 6: (Editor's note - I titled this one, "A Warning")

You don't have to "try to be" what you ARE.

[For example: "I wasn't trying to be [insert quality here]." Mean, silly, good ]

What you ARE always becomes APPARENT.

Oct. 29: Eleven days after his fifth birthday, The Boy ran into the corner of a half-wall in the hallway of our house. Before he could become aware of the damage done to himself, I got a towel on The Boy's head to hide, if not stop, the bleeding. I sternly instructed The Girl to not give any impression to The Boy how badly he might be hurt* and we were off to the Emergency Room. The Boy ended up needing 4 stitches to close up the wound in his scalp. When he hair is cut short, you can still see the scar. Both The Girl and The Boy acquitted themselves admirably in this episode.

Nov. 29: My last day working for the Internal Revenue Service.

Dec. 2: My first day working for Perot Systems (my current employer)

Dec. 22:

"Daddy, why are you naked?" - a question posed by the The Girl at 7:55 am on Sunday morning.
(Editor's note: I wish I could provide some context here - but I got nothing. Maybe she walked in on the MAW and me...)

PS: And since we're talking about nudity - and I've previously mentioned my statistical tracking of sexual activity in my Franklin Planner during certain periods of my marriage - I noticed a DRAMATIC increase in activity around the time of my career change. Hey - maybe I've been going about this all WRONG...

Hope you found this "Blast from the Past" interesting.

Take care.

All About My Father's Day

2009-06-22T06:00:00.006-04:00

I had a great Father's Day this year!

The day actually began on the way home from Music Night - the Middle-Aged Woman and I didn't get home until about 1 AM. Once home, I finished writing my Father's Day post about/to my Dad. Then I went to bed for a while.

Before leaving for church this morning, I remoted to my Dad's computer (I use the tool available at www.logmein.com) and left him an initial Father's Day greeting (which directed him to check out my blog post). I went to church alone (as usual), got my car washed afterward and headed home. At home, I recorded the audio accompaniment to Sunday's post.

[From the Editor: I must disgress for a moment here to ask some questions concerning THE AUDIO PORTION OF OUR PROGRAM - Does anybody listen to the posts? Or all you all just reading them? If you do like to listen to the posts, do you listen as you read - or primarily do only one or the other?

Did anyone not realize that I provide spoken versions of most posts? [The tool from Box.net that loads at the top of the page allows you to click on the MP3 filenames to listen.] Now that you know, do you think that you'll bother to listen?

I beg you - please let me know whether you find the audio posts cool or useless. They are enough work that - I need to know whether people feel they add something to the site - so I can summon the energy to keep making them available. And now, we return you to your regularly scheduled rant...]

At this point, it was around 2 PM and, having skipped breakfast, I was getting hungry. Snoplum had recently gotten out of the shower and asked if I could wait for her to finish getting beautiful (which she already was completely - but I told her I'd wait anyway). She chose that moment to present me with a few Father's Day gifts:

Thomas Keneally's Searching for Schindler (a memoir from 2007), the 20th Anniversary DVD of Terry Gilliam's The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (this and The Fisher King are my favorite Gilliam films), and the 20th Anniversary DVD of The Times of Harvey Milk (which won the Oscar for Best Documentary Feature in 1984; Gus Van Sant's latest film, Milk, with Sean Penn owes a great debt to this earlier documentary film). Did I mention that my wife has extremely good taste (and knows how to easily access my Wish List at Amazon).

She also gave me a wonderful Father's Day kiss - at which point I may have mentioned that I had a little something for her as well. This part of the day is a little fuzzy for me now; I must have blacked out due to lack of blood flow to the brain. Anyway, one thing lead to another, and the next thing I remember, I was getting dressed so we could get some lunch. The MAW and I had a fine meal at Panera and I called my Dad to wish him a Happy Father's Day when we returned home.

The kids got home later in the afternoon (The Girl, from work; The Boy, from visiting a friend) and presented me with a great card and some additional loot (golf balls and tees - which will come in handy beginning next week). We all went to dinner together and then saw the latest Pixar film, Up (which is very much worth seeing). We even picked up some donuts on the way home as a Father's Day dessert. It had been a while since we had spent that much time all together - and enjoyed each other's company with no bits of bickering or human drama.

It was really nice. I'll take another day just like that one anytime.

Take care.

My Dad

2009-06-21T08:00:00.007-04:00

If I didn't know any better, I would think that my father was never a child. To the best of my recollection, I've never seen a picture of my father as a child. I do have a photo of my Dad dancing with my mother around 1960 - before they were married. My Dad was 16 at the time the picture was taken - but he's turned away from the camera. So I didn't include the photo below.

I have been told that the picture to the right was taken on my father's birthday in 1963 - so this shows my Dad a little over four months before my birth. He was 19 - but with that baby-face, I think he looks even younger.

At this point in his life, my Dad was trying different jobs (working in a factory briefly, running a pizza parlor) trying to acquire the means for he and my mom to live independently. You see, I am the oldest child in my family. My parents were married in November and I was born in June (not prematurely) - you do the math.

My father and I have never discussed how the unplanned nature of my arrival on earth affected his young life - but it must have been difficult at the time.

The next two pictures were taken about 10 years apart. At left, my Dad is pictured with my sister, Wendy (the older of my two sisters) circa 1968. On the right, my Dad is pictured in the late 70's - at the time, he was still younger than I am now. Both of pictures were cropped from larger family photos - and when I look at them, I remember that by late 1970, my Mom and Dad had four children. My Dad was 26; the same age I was when the Middle-Aged Woman and I had our first child.

By the time of the later photograph, my Dad was working for Montgomery Ward, a company that he would serve for 25 years before leaving to pursue other lucrative opportunities (getting out before Wards went belly up). My Dad worked his way up from salesman, to department manager, store manager, and regional manager. And he did quite a bit of travelling for business as his responsibilities at Wards increased.

In the early 80's, while I was living on-campus at the University of Detroit, the rest of my family moved to the Chicago area where Wards was headquartered. After leaving Wards, my Dad moved to Maryland, then Ohio as the result of job changes. Earlier this year, he retired - and I am looking forward to seeing him more frequently and getting in more rounds of golf with my Dad than in times past.

The last picture I will include today is from about 10 years ago. The MAW, my Dad, and I took The Girl and The Boy to a cider mill to see the animals, drink apple cider, and eat a donut or two. It was pretty darn cold that day - but we all had a fine time.

My Dad is a gentle soul. Although he can clearly be difficult to live with (he and my mother separated in the late 80's - around the time The Girl was born; but did not divorce for another ten years!) - my experience of my Dad is that he is a warm, easy-going and articulate fellow.

For years, my father smoked too much and weighed too much. He still does. I don't harp on him about it anymore - because I don't expect him to change. But I hope he will prove me wrong. The point is: I long ago accepted the fact that, given his habits, my Dad could die of a massive heart attack at almost any time. So I don't pass up an opportunity to hug or kiss my Dad and tell him I love him.

Writing all this down is one way of doing that long-distance. But I'll give him a call too. Just so I can say:

I love you, Dad.

Take care.

Add some Music to your...night

2009-06-20T08:00:00.002-04:00

"Music - when you're alone
Is like a companion
For your lonely soul"
--Brian Wilson, Add Some Music To Your Day

I got my first job delivering newspapers when I was eleven. My primary purpose in getting that job was to save up enough money to buy a stereo system. You know, one of those all-in-one units with a tuner, cassette deck and the record player on top.

[OK, you have to imagine that the unit above has a tape deck in it rather than a CD player - and a remote control!?]

So I got enough money with my Christmas tips that I was able to purchase my own stereo. I had that record lathe from junior high to college. The Under-Aged Woman and I made out listening to Side Two of James Taylor's Greatest Hits played on that system. It was in the dorm room I shared with Paul Joey at the University of Detroit, so we could lie stoned on the floor and listen to Riders On The Storm. From that Christmas onward, I have always valued good stereo equipment. Eventually, I was even able to purchase some.

Anyway, I told you that stuff, so I could tell you this: Tonight is Music Night.

That is, the Music Night Federation of Metropolitan Detroit will be gathering tonight for its latest event - to produce a new musical compilation around the theme - "Risk". The Federation has been getting together for over 18 years now. To date, we have produced 90 different musical collections on topics ranging from Aging to Work (no "Y" or "Z" topics - yet). If you did the math, you already know that we get together 4 or 5 times a year for the purpose of sharing music, food and friendship.

The only rule of Music Night is: there are no rules. You might ask: Who decides whether a song is "on-topic"? The person who picked it, of course. However, we do have structure. We rotate topic selection amongst all participants (so that in each "round", everyone gets to select the topic once) and the person who picked the topic get the lead cut on that collection. This also ensures that the topic selector will get the maximum number of cuts on that collection (since we rotate song selection based on a draw of cards the night of the event).

We pick and play songs through the night until we have a roster of approximately 160 minutes of music - enough to fill two compact discs. Every Federation member in good standing (that is, them's that has paid their dues - just enough cash to defray the expenses of blank CDs, jewel cases, labels and packaging inserts) receives a copy of the resulting compilation for their listening pleasure.

We have a great time. It's a wonderful excuse to have a party - and almost everyone gets exposed to some music they have never heard before. Which is sweet!

I could go on and on with additional details (and I probably will in some future post(s)) - but time is running short...and I still need to pick out my top choices on the topic of "Risk". If you have any suggestions, leave me a comment. Anything used on the final collection will be appropriately noted on this here blog.

And, for the right price, I am willing to discuss franchising opportunities for starting a Music Night Federation in your town...

(I may yet be rich beyond my wildest dreams!)

Take care.

Flash fiction: The Chief

2009-06-19T06:00:00.004-04:00

My Flash fiction submission was submitted too late for consideration in this week's competition at The Raisin Chronicles. But I still wanted to share it with you.
======================================================

The Chief

You never meant this to happen. But, man, if some of those Ivy League pr*cks from college could see you now, they'd choke on their silver, fr*ckin’ spoons. And the Dekes are going to celebrate tonight; those dudes know how to par-tay!

‘Course you remember the times that got out of control too. The stolen Christmas wreath, Dad bitching at you for running over the garbage can with Marvin in the car, the DUI. You’re glad all that’s over.

Still, a beer right now might calm the nerves – as you raise your right hand.

“I, George W. Bush…”

======================================================
100 words (according to MS Word)

Take care.

Good / God: Jim Styro's Meaning of Life, Part Twelve

2009-06-18T08:00:00.003-04:00

Ten years ago today...

I've been using a Franklin Planner since 1991, so certain parts of my life are extremely well-documented. On the page for June 17, 1999, under the heading "Jim Styro's Philosophy, Part I"* is found this entry (modified only slightly for this world premiere):

One person is not inherently better than another.
A person can only better him/herself by desiring to -
and doing - good.
A person cannot credibly declare their own goodness.
It must be demonstrated - and/or established through the testimony of others.

The big lie is not that God exists.
It is that we can become perfect without God through technology - through our own power, ingenuity or insight.
We reject the idea of perfection through goodness because it is
so simple to understand and so hard to achieve.

Hey - that's not bad...for a youngster

PS: Saw the following on a poster at Garden City Hospital near my house -

Perfection is our goal
Excellence will be tolerated

It has stuck with me ever since. That's the sort of attitude I want when life and death may be on the line.

Take care.

* My delusions of grandeur are not a recent development...

Don't Ask / Don't Know: Jim Styro's Meaning of Life, Part Eleven*

2009-06-17T06:00:00.009-04:00

On Monday, we began considering how well we know the people around us.

Idea #1: You may not know (or understand) as much as you think you do.

Yesterday, I presented a second post which covered...

Idea #2: The only things we can truly know about others are the things they reveal

Today, we complete this leg on our journey toward the Meaning of Life by asking the question...

Idea #3: How can I learn more about the people I love?

There are some little proverbs or bits of "wisdom" that I've heard repeated that just don't speak to me. For example:

"Never complain, never explain"

"Everything is negotiable"

"There is no such thing as a stupid question"

and, one of particular interest given our present topic...

"Never ask a question you don't already know the answer to"

Although I believe I understand how each of these statements might be of use in a particular circumstance, I don't find any of them to be true in the broader sense - and particularly within the framework of discussing how we can understand more about the people closest to us.

If you've agreed with me so far (at least for the purpose of discussion) that we shouldn't assume we know too much about others - and that the only things we can claim to know with certainty are the things that have been shared directly with us...

Then, keeping all that in mind, the answer to the question "How can I learn more about the people I love" is really quite simple, I think. Ask them questions.

Of course, anyone who has ever been in the midst of a long-running misunderstanding with a spouse, child, parent or other loved one is now screaming at their computer - "It's not that easy!!!" Hey, I never said it was easy - I said it was simple to know what to do; knowing how to go about it is another matter entirely.

But you know me - I'm full of...opinions. For what it's worth, I'll offer a few suggestions on how to go about it which may be of some use for those who are truly looking for a way to make a deeper connection with someone in their life.

Consider what you want to know - and why you want to know it

Although this may not be very important in the early stages of a relationship (when people expect to ask and answer questions as they get to know one another), asking someone you have known for years a lot of unexpected questions will almost certainly make that person, if not suspicious - at least curious. (Think about it: in the same way that we often assume we know more about our loved ones that we probably do, the people we love will often assume that we understand them better than we really do. They assume we have figured them out. Can't you just hear your mother saying: "After all these years, don't you know?") So the person asking the questions should be prepared to explain him/herself.

Ask a thoughtful question to get a thoughtful answer

If you are trying to resolve a misunderstanding that has been going on for years, you should be prepared to spend more than a few minutes thinking about the best way to ask for the information you seek. Don't just shotgun a list of questions that require nothing more than "yes" or "no" answers. Leave the questions open-ended so that the person responding must elaborate. Try not to be too leading with your questions; if you supply the answer in the question, the person may simply be inclined to go along with your preconceived ideas. Be direct with your questions - but don't use words and phrases that are accusatory or judgemental. Don't try to tell the other person what (you think) they are/were thinking or feeling - ASK.

Consider asking questions that begin with statements like:

"I've wondered for a long time why you... "
"What were you thinking/feeling when that happened?"
"What influenced your decision to..."

In the process of preparing questions for the other party to answer, consider how you would answer the questions yourself (if both you and the other person were directly involved in the situations or incidents you are asking about).

Be prepared to reveal yourself in the process

Don't expect that the other person will be willing to reveal her/himself to you, if you are clearly not willing to do the same. In fact, you may need to set the example by sharing first in order to break the ice. Keep in mind that you are not planning an interrogation; you want your loved one to share their thoughts and feelings with you - so you need to be prepared to follow suit (or maybe even lead trump**).

Well, I hope that this discussion and these ideas are helpful to someone out there. I know it has been good for me to think it through - so that I will have a better chance to honestly share myself with the people I love - and perhaps help those around me to connect with me and the ones they love.

The stated policy of the U.S. military with regards to homosexuals in their ranks used to be: Don't Ask / Don't Tell.

In answer to the question, how can I learn more about the people I love?
Jim Styro says: If you Don't Ask, you Don't Know.

Take care.

* "These go to eleven"
** That one's for all you euchre players out there.

Revelations: Jim Styro's Meaning of Life, Part Ten

2009-06-16T06:00:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, we began considering how well we know the people around us. And I covered our first idea in some detail.

Idea #1: You may not know (or understand) as much as you think you do.

Today, we move on to a second idea in the same vein.

Idea #2: The only things we can truly know about others are the things they reveal

Sherlock Holmes may have been a great detective - but I'm here to tell you, I don't think he'd have lasted five years (maybe not even five months) as a husband. Why? Because I submit that deduction is the enemy of emotional understanding. People (you may have noticed) aren't always rational, emotional responses aren't necessarily repeatable with mathematical precision. The only way to know and understand another person in a meaningful way - to understand the way someone thinks and feels - is for the person to reveal themselves to you.

Of course, the process of revealing yourself to another person is, dare I say it, complex. It requires willingness. It requires honesty. It assumes a certain level of self-examination and understanding (If you don't understand yourself, how in the world can you reveal yourself honestly to anyone else?). And it requires the right circumstances - a level of privacy that can be difficult to achieve. (I believe few people are brave enough to reveal themselves honestly to more than one or two people at a time; and oftentimes getting the opportunity to be alone with another person is hard to arrange.)

Another factor that affects this revelation process is a person's own security with him/herself; to use an old phrase - how comfortable are you in your own skin? I believe the more secure you feel about yourself, the less risk you feel in revealing yourself to others. Having this comfort level increases both the likelihood of revelation and the chances that the information shared will represent an honest glimpse of person being revealed.

I could never understand why a fiction writer would, for example, be afraid to talk about her/his life for fear of having people misinterpret their work (by attempting to infer what is autobiographical in their stories). It seems to me that, the absence of any authoritative information on an author's personal life is likely to spur deductive reasoning concerning parallels between a writer's work and private life, rather than minimize it. Of course, maybe authors just use this as a smokescreen; people are certainly entitled to keep their lives private, if they wish. But the trade-off of fame, it seems to me, is that people can express a legitimate interest and curiosity in the lives of the famous (it can and does get out of hand in many cases - but it is not in and of itself, wrong).

In any case, receiving information from the source (so long as the original source is trust-worthy and true) is certainly superior to any amount of deductive conclusions that might be obtained through Holmesian detective work. Intention or motivation are difficult or impossible to deduce from observed behaviors. Think of the situation where a man purchases an expensive gift for his beloved; is he doing this as a true expression of his strong feeling - or did he feel obligated because of a previous gift received? Is he giving the gift to compensate for the fact he can't express himself emotionally - or is the gift intended to distract his beloved from discovering that he is involved with another lover? Because deduction is not a tool best suited to the information sought, we must be prepared to engage our loved ones in a dialogue that will offer them an opportunity to reveal themselves to us.

And that leads us to tomorrow's concluding post on
"Knowing the people in your life", wherein we look at
Idea #3: How can I learn more about the people I love?

Don't miss it.

Take care.

You think you know a person: Jim Styro's Meaning of Life, Part Nine

2009-06-15T06:00:00.009-04:00

You think you know a person...but you don't.

"After all, is there anyone who knows the qualities of anyone except his own spirit, within him?"

--1 Corinthians 2:11

Since I'm a glass half-full kinda guy*, I don't believe that most of the unhappiness issues arising from marriage and other central relationships are caused by deliberate acts of meanness or sabotage. But neither do I underestimate the extent to which people misunderstand, not only themselves, but those around them - even those closest to them.

So today, let's begin the process of kicking around a few ideas concerning what we can know about the people around us, the difference between what we think we know and what we really know, and how to obtain additional information.

Idea #1: You may not know (or understand) as much as you think you do.

If familiarity doesn't necessarily breed contempt, I would say that it at least fosters a unique over-confidence combined with interpersonal laziness. To some extent, I think people just assume that they know and understand certain people because they have been around them a long time. But that's a big assumption. The end result is - we take for granted those who have been around us for a long time. We assume we know and understand things about them that either we never knew - or were true a long time ago - but not anymore.

Let me tell ya a little story that may not illustrate this idea perfectly - but hopefully it's at least somewhat amusing. The Middle-Aged Woman and I were going to visit some friends last weekend and were packing up a few things to take with us in our travel cooler. Because I knew Snoplum's back had been particularly bothersome to her that day, I said:

"Hey, honey - why don't you put a couple of your ice packs in the cooler we're taking to Chico and Chickadee's?"

Although the MAW acknowledged the remark, there was no real response to my suggestion (no surprise since: a) none was needed, and b) after being married a long time you just get used to that). I packed up the cooler, added a bunch of ice to keep everything cold (the MAW observed all this) and went about my other preparations for departure.

We left home a few minutes later and had barely made it around the corner from our home when Snoplum said:

"Oh!...can we go back to the house? I forgot to bring an ice pack."

"Uhm....OK. I thought you were going to put them in the cooler." I headed back to the house.

She ran in to get the ice packs. I wasn't going to make a big deal out of it; I figured she'd just forgotten - despite my mentioning the idea just prior to our departure. But when she got back to the car, I thought maybe she had assumed I was going to put them in the cooler. So I said:

"Did you think I was going to put the ice packs in the cooler? If so, I'm sorry."

"No, I knew they weren't in there."

"So you didn't forget to pack them?"

"No."

Snoplum then proceeded to admit to me that she had assumed my suggestion regarding the ice packs pertained to the idea of using them as the sole source of coldness within the cooler. And since she felt that was such a ludicrous idea, she dismissed it. She did not realize that my suggestion was simply a reminder that she ought to take ice packs on our trip because she would need them to soothe her back. Until the moment she asked me to go back to the house so she could get them.

Now who can blame Snoplum for this? I blame myself - for the constant bombardment of stupid ideas which I have (apparently) forced upon her in the past. If she hadn't been required to wade through so much of my previous bullsh*t, perhaps the ice pack idea might have gained more traction before being tossed on the ash heap of Jim Styro's Cacamaimey Suggestions.

Anyway - hopefully you get the idea. Even people who have known each other a long time can misunderstand simple things. They may even be more prone to misunderstanding - either because they're not listening carefully - or they make assumptions about what has been said that aren't correct.

One last thought concerning Idea #1 - The more confident you are that you know and understand another person, the more care you should take in validating your understanding. One thing that many thoughtful people over time have come to acknowledge is that - the more you learn and understand about a thing (or a person), the greater appreciation you have for how much more there is to know.

Tomorrow we'll move on to Idea #2:
The only things we can truly know about others are the things they reveal

Take care.

* Maybe even three-quarters full

My masterpieces

2009-06-14T08:00:00.004-04:00

Yesterday was The Boy's graduation party. I took the day off on Friday to relax and work on party preparation; so my son and I were home together for most of the day. In the early part of the afternoon, we had a conversation (OK, it's true - I did most of the talking) and I told The Boy this:

When I was growing up - a teenager like The Boy is now, and even earlier - I wanted to be rich and famous. I figured that I would be an actor, an author, a singer/songwriter - or at least a disc jockey (I assumed ascending to that low rung of the celebrity ladder would be the worst I could do!). I would make my way in the world with my creativity - and people would know my name.

But I also wanted marriage and a family. I didn't think of these desires for fame and starting a family as being at cross purposes - but, of course, they are. And as I matured, it became an easy decision to set aside my dreams of glory in order to give my best to the reality of my wife and children. I didn't view it as a sacrifice. Just a decision - that what was most important in my life was the people I loved, the people around me - not the opportunity to be loved anonymously by the thousands (or the millions) I would never know.

Out of that decision, of course, many more arose. Some out of practical necessity, others of opportunity, others of convenience or habit. How could I best provide for my family? What sort of work could I do that would suit my personal preferences while being lucrative enough, stable enough to plan for the future. Who would hire me? How could I best ensure a steady stream of income for myself and my family?

And in this process, I began to learn my lines as husband and father, I composed emails rather than songs, wrote project plans instead of story outlines, did my DJ-ing by creating mix tapes* rather spinning records during the afternoon drive-time shift. These were not sacrifices - I made decisions based on what was most important to me.

The reward for my decisions is greater, I believe, than any film I might have made, or book that I might have written, or album that I might have released.
My children are my masterpieces.
They are bright and beautiful and loving. They're not perfect - they're still works in progress - but they are good. And even God herself, when She created the world, didn't claim much more than that.**

When I compare myself at seventeen to my son, he seems quite young. Much younger than I was at that age. I think my children have been blessed to be able BE KIDS for longer than seems the norm these days. And I'm grateful for that. I told The Boy that he might not appreciate that fact now - but later in life, he may better understand and appreciate it.

I wanted my son (and my daughter) to know all that. The Boy's graduation from high school is like a sign post on The Highway; my children's lives have moved into a new construction zone. Most (if not all) of the basic work is complete. The road has been paved, the cement is nearly dry. There may be occasional lane closures from time to time for repair - but my work on the project is all but over.

Oh, I may be able to offer a suggestion on where to place the street lights - or establishing the speed limit...if I'm asked. But I'll try not to feel badly if I'm not consulted. I know there will be times when my input will not be desired - or needed. If I've done my work well, they won't need me much anyway - and they'll know when they do - and they won't be afraid to ask.

Anyway, that's what I shared with The Boy on Friday. Where the road goes from here is mostly up to him. I told my son that I didn't think he ought to do (or not do) things in his life to make his parents proud of him. Making a parent proud seems to me to be an undue burden to place on a child. I told him he should find out what makes him happy, what will allow him to be self-sufficient, how he can be a responsible member of the community in which he lives - and do those things.

That would be more than enough, I think, to make any parent proud. Don't you?

Take care.

* I think this is a term commonly used by people who create collections of songs by various artists for their own listening pleasure (Think Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets or John Cusack in High Fidelity). But it's not a term I normally use. I just call them "collections".
** Genesis 1:31

Red Wings Playoff Update: Final Edition

2009-06-13T08:00:00.001-04:00

The Stanley Cup Finals - Detroit vs. Pittsburgh
The Wings lost to the Penguins Friday night by a score of 2-1.

The Pittsburgh Penguins are

the 2009 Stanley Cup Champions.

The Penguins proved themselves to be the better team in this series - by winning Game 7 on the road (the first team in nearly 40 years to win a seventh game on the road - after the first six games had gone to the home teams). Congratulations to the Penguin team, their fans and the City of Pittsburgh.

The Wings had another fantastic season - but could not close the deal against a tough Penguins team that won the final two games of the series by the same 2-1 score. I only hope that the focus here in Detroit will be on what a great year the Wings had - not all on the fact that they failed to win the Stanley Cup for a second year in a row. It's hard to be disappointed in a sports team that only let you down once in two years.

One more thing: I think they need to seriously consider replacing all the crossbars on the nets at Joe Louis Arena. 'Cause if you can't get a fortuitous bounce off the crossbars at home, where can you get one?

Take care.