tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493931967911268192.post6817628648421703552..comments2023-08-24T06:59:46.704-04:00Comments on speaking in CAPS: Perpetually overcommitted Jim Styrohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10671368781577441067noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493931967911268192.post-57255311895283510312009-05-05T22:27:00.000-04:002009-05-05T22:27:00.000-04:00Pamela: If you've gotten good at saying "No", the...Pamela: If you've gotten good at saying "No", then I think you're in a better position to begin saying "Yes" to the right things. With all of the goings-on in your household recently, I urge caution. Ratcheting up your commitments is easy - I think ratcheting them back is more difficult.<br /><br />Mikey: I like your style. I see nothing at all wrong with receiving your due for services rendered. And I am in complete agreement with your closing statement - the truest measure of whether overcommitment is out-of-control should be: am I still effective? In my book, you don't get extra points for killing yourself. In fact, my goal is always to make being busy look easy.<br /><br />MAW: You do inspire me. Your last comment has brought a great many things into focus for me. The way is now paved, I think, for a magnum opus. Jim Styrohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10671368781577441067noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493931967911268192.post-27170733208566797842009-05-05T19:43:00.000-04:002009-05-05T19:43:00.000-04:00Agreed that learning to say "no" is a desirable an...Agreed that learning to say "no" is a desirable and useful skill. I used to get suckered into proofing and editing the written work of other scholars out of good will, but now I have learned to project the confident air of someone who commands $30 an hour for this privilege.<br /><br />That usually sends them packing, or else they fork over the cash and I eat steak that night.<br /><br />As far as volunteer or committee duties at work: I make sure that the following criteria are met before I offer to help: a) there is a legitimate need for help; b) the cause is worthy; and c) decision-makers are aware of my selflessness.<br /><br />Of course, by interjecting an element of self-serving motive in that last criterion, my selflessness is now in question, but f**k it: I am too old to be someone's unpaid lackey.<br /><br />With volunteer duties at church or with the non-profits in which I am involved, I also try to limit getting over-committed. While that brand new <I>ad hoc</I> committee might be important, I will be of no use to the group if I push myself past the point of exhaustion.historymikehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00737866671020083030noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493931967911268192.post-60383050531081655592009-05-05T11:59:00.000-04:002009-05-05T11:59:00.000-04:00It's not that I see NO value, it's just that I see...It's not that I see NO value, it's just that I see no value as great as your happiness/contentment. Sweet, but true. Oh, and not too weak, too kind.unmitigated mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13901264130484454602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493931967911268192.post-5781135887489827542009-05-05T09:47:00.000-04:002009-05-05T09:47:00.000-04:00I have the same problem(?). For a while now I hav...I have the same problem(?). For a while now I have been saying no to everything offered to me. Because I need practice saying no. And I tell people asking me that I'm categorically turning everyone down. It's been quite a while, and I think I'm ready to consider a yes or two. <br /><br />The only problem? I've been saying no to my kids more than I should. Like right now, when Henry wants to wear my reading glasses. Does it matter? Probably not. But give me back my glasses, stinker!Pamelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13652737346135197054noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493931967911268192.post-73011403752333000222009-05-05T07:49:00.000-04:002009-05-05T07:49:00.000-04:00If: You thought I was agreeing to do things I did...If: You thought I was agreeing to do things I didn't want to do because I was too weak to refuse<br /><br />And: You thought being busy was making me unhappy<br /><br />And: You've been trying to help me out by urging me to stop doing things (you see no value in)<br /><br />Then: You don't need to do that.<br /><br />I suspect it's a more complicated equation, though. Jim Styrohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10671368781577441067noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493931967911268192.post-41292172337298516612009-05-05T07:03:00.000-04:002009-05-05T07:03:00.000-04:00All this time I've been projecting my need for qui...All this time I've been projecting my need for quiet time? I will try to urge restraint less frequently, then. I just thought it was because you couldn't say no.unmitigated mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13901264130484454602noreply@blogger.com